bleed...
how to begin to explain everything.
i woke up this morning. ate some cherrios, got dresssed, went out with caesar to the mall. i wanted to get wally some things for our two month anniversary which is coming up this thursday. so i got him a couple of things: a corona hat, a set of rings that say "youre my heaven in life and death" (i liked them), a bracelet, some bubbles, a coloring book, crayons, and huge sunglass (a picture will be inserted at the end of this entry to show you how HUGE they really are!).
so after i get back from the mall we stop at wendy's i get some food for us to eat together. however, wally being the big nosy person he is had to find out what exactly i did. so instead of suprising him thursday the day of our anniversay i just confessed and told him that i got him presents which he would be able to open later. boys cant waait for a suprise they always have to know whats going on.
then we went to my room to watch a movie. i went online where alex asked me to help him pay for the meal plan we both used last semester. i got a little upset and said things i shouldnt have. but i agreed to pay for some of it. alex though said somethings that really got to me. and i know i did as well. but why did does it always seem to go to that extreme between us? for example, i told alex i wanted to be there for him and to tell me if he ever needed help, and he asks me for money and i loose it for a bit and he says how can i do that to him how can i say i want to be there to help and when he calls me im not. what can i say to that? i mean i agreed to help pay did i not? why did you have to go say that i ruined your life, etc. i dont regret anything i ever did with you. never. i dont understand. wally then in return got upset because of eveyrhing going on at the moment. i understand that as well. i mean im suprised he doesnt mind my talking with alex and being friends with him. its just alex and i will always have a connection between us. i just dont want anyone arguing anymore. i hope youre okay now alex. ill go make a payment tomorrow as soon as i can. well wally will because he's the one that is going to be paying for it.
thank you wally as well for everything you've done. you've helped me so much already these past two months. i dont know what or where i would be if it werent for you. your kind words and beauty amaze me. i never thought there could be someone in this world like you. and now that i have found you i dont ever want to let go. te amo y siempre te voy amar.
gracias por todo. te amo con todo mi cucharon.
oh yes, wally also got a livejournal account. you can read his posts under the name purgatory_walk.
we finished watching wicker park not to long ago over at caesars place. i forgot that i liked the movie. i miss alot of things at the moment. i miss the old me. i miss my friends. i miss my family. i miss those days when i could paint, and draw without hesitation, now my hands are dead. nothing comes from then not even a sketch. i lost the magic i once had. im starting to see the world differently and im not to sure its a good thing. i want to be the person i used to be, but somehow i feel as though i have to grow and shed this layer of me. the thing that scares me more though is if i do this if i let my wings grow will those who love me know, still love me then? or will they hate who i have become? will i still care for everyone like i do now? i dont know. im scared to let go. i dont know what to do anymore, my mind tells me one thing and people around me who's opinion i value tell me another and i dont know who to follow. do i follow that voice in my head whom at times has led me through the wrong path or should i listen to those around me and risk alot more. im not sure anymore. i dont know... im lost at the moment... will someone please help me?
i woke up this morning. ate some cherrios, got dresssed, went out with caesar to the mall. i wanted to get wally some things for our two month anniversary which is coming up this thursday. so i got him a couple of things: a corona hat, a set of rings that say "youre my heaven in life and death" (i liked them), a bracelet, some bubbles, a coloring book, crayons, and huge sunglass (a picture will be inserted at the end of this entry to show you how HUGE they really are!).
so after i get back from the mall we stop at wendy's i get some food for us to eat together. however, wally being the big nosy person he is had to find out what exactly i did. so instead of suprising him thursday the day of our anniversay i just confessed and told him that i got him presents which he would be able to open later. boys cant waait for a suprise they always have to know whats going on.
then we went to my room to watch a movie. i went online where alex asked me to help him pay for the meal plan we both used last semester. i got a little upset and said things i shouldnt have. but i agreed to pay for some of it. alex though said somethings that really got to me. and i know i did as well. but why did does it always seem to go to that extreme between us? for example, i told alex i wanted to be there for him and to tell me if he ever needed help, and he asks me for money and i loose it for a bit and he says how can i do that to him how can i say i want to be there to help and when he calls me im not. what can i say to that? i mean i agreed to help pay did i not? why did you have to go say that i ruined your life, etc. i dont regret anything i ever did with you. never. i dont understand. wally then in return got upset because of eveyrhing going on at the moment. i understand that as well. i mean im suprised he doesnt mind my talking with alex and being friends with him. its just alex and i will always have a connection between us. i just dont want anyone arguing anymore. i hope youre okay now alex. ill go make a payment tomorrow as soon as i can. well wally will because he's the one that is going to be paying for it.
thank you wally as well for everything you've done. you've helped me so much already these past two months. i dont know what or where i would be if it werent for you. your kind words and beauty amaze me. i never thought there could be someone in this world like you. and now that i have found you i dont ever want to let go. te amo y siempre te voy amar.
gracias por todo. te amo con todo mi cucharon.
oh yes, wally also got a livejournal account. you can read his posts under the name purgatory_walk.
we finished watching wicker park not to long ago over at caesars place. i forgot that i liked the movie. i miss alot of things at the moment. i miss the old me. i miss my friends. i miss my family. i miss those days when i could paint, and draw without hesitation, now my hands are dead. nothing comes from then not even a sketch. i lost the magic i once had. im starting to see the world differently and im not to sure its a good thing. i want to be the person i used to be, but somehow i feel as though i have to grow and shed this layer of me. the thing that scares me more though is if i do this if i let my wings grow will those who love me know, still love me then? or will they hate who i have become? will i still care for everyone like i do now? i dont know. im scared to let go. i dont know what to do anymore, my mind tells me one thing and people around me who's opinion i value tell me another and i dont know who to follow. do i follow that voice in my head whom at times has led me through the wrong path or should i listen to those around me and risk alot more. im not sure anymore. i dont know... im lost at the moment... will someone please help me?