My first and last words...
Firstly all comments are screened now, since someone decided to think it was amusing to post some nasty comments on the cat post and the graffiti wall.. all anonymous. What happened,between Raven and I, happened and that's not what I'm posting about..
It's just my feelings and how I feel atm. Just to try and make sense of stuff, no need for hugs etc.
To the anonymous poster..
Now I'm trying to wonder what you hoped to achieve by doing this. Was it to upset?? then fucking hell you did a bang up good job there.. Although I'm guessing that your view as to why I'd be upset would be totally different to mine. Was it to make me jealous? *snort* then you don't know me well at all.
I had gotten into a fairly good place where I could be optimistic about things, life in general, so that I wasn't walking around worrying about who I have or would offend and saying sorry to those I thought I had. Confidence and self worth had been shaken quite badly. I was not an easy person to know then I'll happily admit.
Then came the first comment on a post about cats, the isp was logged but came back as a non fixed one, ok I could shrug that off, someone playing silly games and might have even decided to pick on that one, not even knowing who I was... It wasn't until I put the graffiti wall up that I realised that it wasn't coincidence and that someone somewhere who knew both of us, wanted to twist the knife in further. Did you enjoy that I wonder? Did it give you some perverse satisfaction? Was it because I had said nothing about things?? I was quite prepared to handle it on my own. Until one comment that stuck was particularly nasty, (no I'm not going to repeat it), really really stuck, it upset me. Why? It made me sad that I couldn't talk or be a part of people's lives anymore. No other reason than that.
Life as it is.. it's going along. But enthusiasm for it has paled a lot, ever since this happened, the good space that I was in comes and goes. To quote what I have said to my friends, to be perfectly honest I'm not doing so well here, it's just that I want to really want to do is disappear off the face the earth and hide. I feel rejected, unlovable and alone. I talk about it but even that's not helping, I'm numb and hurting if that's possible?
I'm a mess even with Robin around this weekend. Nightmares range from mundane to gruesome and that's when I sleep.. Hermit mode seems far preferable to being a wet weekend with people.
I have explained this to my friends that I was going to spend time with this coming weekend, I'd rather not inflict this upon them. I'm grateful (probably the wrong word) that they understand. I'm not sure when or how long this will take, but it will be quiet on here for a while..
It's just my feelings and how I feel atm. Just to try and make sense of stuff, no need for hugs etc.
To the anonymous poster..
Now I'm trying to wonder what you hoped to achieve by doing this. Was it to upset?? then fucking hell you did a bang up good job there.. Although I'm guessing that your view as to why I'd be upset would be totally different to mine. Was it to make me jealous? *snort* then you don't know me well at all.
I had gotten into a fairly good place where I could be optimistic about things, life in general, so that I wasn't walking around worrying about who I have or would offend and saying sorry to those I thought I had. Confidence and self worth had been shaken quite badly. I was not an easy person to know then I'll happily admit.
Then came the first comment on a post about cats, the isp was logged but came back as a non fixed one, ok I could shrug that off, someone playing silly games and might have even decided to pick on that one, not even knowing who I was... It wasn't until I put the graffiti wall up that I realised that it wasn't coincidence and that someone somewhere who knew both of us, wanted to twist the knife in further. Did you enjoy that I wonder? Did it give you some perverse satisfaction? Was it because I had said nothing about things?? I was quite prepared to handle it on my own. Until one comment that stuck was particularly nasty, (no I'm not going to repeat it), really really stuck, it upset me. Why? It made me sad that I couldn't talk or be a part of people's lives anymore. No other reason than that.
Life as it is.. it's going along. But enthusiasm for it has paled a lot, ever since this happened, the good space that I was in comes and goes. To quote what I have said to my friends, to be perfectly honest I'm not doing so well here, it's just that I want to really want to do is disappear off the face the earth and hide. I feel rejected, unlovable and alone. I talk about it but even that's not helping, I'm numb and hurting if that's possible?
I'm a mess even with Robin around this weekend. Nightmares range from mundane to gruesome and that's when I sleep.. Hermit mode seems far preferable to being a wet weekend with people.
I have explained this to my friends that I was going to spend time with this coming weekend, I'd rather not inflict this upon them. I'm grateful (probably the wrong word) that they understand. I'm not sure when or how long this will take, but it will be quiet on here for a while..