you're not the kind who would be waiting there for anybody not even me
So.
It's been a while since I posted.
The last two weeks have been incredibly hard, and I'm really thankful for all my friends and my family who've been here for me, just listening to me talk or letting me cry or taking me out or feeding me meals. I realize I've been really off balance lately, going out too much, sleeping too much, avoiding my school work and neglecting my body with too much junk food and too little exercise. This is a pretty public forum, but I'm comfortable enough with myself to put it all out here, maybe it will help somebody else. By letting it go out into the airwaves of the internet, it can help me let go too.
I stopped running this summer because I was so busy with school and work and then going to milwaukee every chance I could get. I put my heart out there one more time, knowing that I was probably going to get hurt, and understanding the risk I was taking, but putting it out there just the same. I feel like to do any less would have been cowardly and not really true to myself. If anything, I learned that loving someone isn't something you do only if you know that they feel the same way, it's about simply jumping out of the airplane and hoping that the parachute opens. Well. It didn't, and I fell on my ass. But that's alright, and in time I will be alright and be better for it. I really lost some childhood dreams and a good deal of faith in my ability to perceive how the other person is feeling, but it's only going to make me stronger.
I am going to try to run a couple miles, just out to the pier and back or something, three or four times a week, and then just build up to getting my body back to a place where I feel good about it. I am learning to be by myself more, to spend more time with my friends, and concentrate on my career... because I really do want this, and somewhere out there is someone who will understand that and not be afraid to try to build that life with me. I would have given it up and come home and lived an entirely different kind of life, and I think been completely happy... I've always had more than one kind of big dream for myself. Something seven years in the making finally came to an end, and I can tell myself truthfully that I did everything I could, let myself feel even though I knew it would hurt, and now can start to move on and start the next part of my life.
I'm terribly sad right now, but hopeful that I will feel better eventually.
Miles run this semester: 2
Miles on the Supernova6s: 285
It's been a while since I posted.
The last two weeks have been incredibly hard, and I'm really thankful for all my friends and my family who've been here for me, just listening to me talk or letting me cry or taking me out or feeding me meals. I realize I've been really off balance lately, going out too much, sleeping too much, avoiding my school work and neglecting my body with too much junk food and too little exercise. This is a pretty public forum, but I'm comfortable enough with myself to put it all out here, maybe it will help somebody else. By letting it go out into the airwaves of the internet, it can help me let go too.
I stopped running this summer because I was so busy with school and work and then going to milwaukee every chance I could get. I put my heart out there one more time, knowing that I was probably going to get hurt, and understanding the risk I was taking, but putting it out there just the same. I feel like to do any less would have been cowardly and not really true to myself. If anything, I learned that loving someone isn't something you do only if you know that they feel the same way, it's about simply jumping out of the airplane and hoping that the parachute opens. Well. It didn't, and I fell on my ass. But that's alright, and in time I will be alright and be better for it. I really lost some childhood dreams and a good deal of faith in my ability to perceive how the other person is feeling, but it's only going to make me stronger.
I am going to try to run a couple miles, just out to the pier and back or something, three or four times a week, and then just build up to getting my body back to a place where I feel good about it. I am learning to be by myself more, to spend more time with my friends, and concentrate on my career... because I really do want this, and somewhere out there is someone who will understand that and not be afraid to try to build that life with me. I would have given it up and come home and lived an entirely different kind of life, and I think been completely happy... I've always had more than one kind of big dream for myself. Something seven years in the making finally came to an end, and I can tell myself truthfully that I did everything I could, let myself feel even though I knew it would hurt, and now can start to move on and start the next part of my life.
I'm terribly sad right now, but hopeful that I will feel better eventually.
Miles run this semester: 2
Miles on the Supernova6s: 285