Letter to Piper
Dear Piper,
Please stop making that noise. I realize you are unhappy about something or other, but your ceaseless, continual moan-whine is driving me nuts. Please stop doing it so that I will be more inclined to try and figure out how to please you and less inclined to sell you to the Gypsies. I realize that saying that is insenstive, partly because it indicates some icky racial stereotypes but mostly because I would never accept money from Gypsies who wanted to take you away while you are making that noise. I would pay them. While I have your attention, I would like to tell you that that feeling you're feeling? The feeling that is part of why you are making that noise? It's called TIRED. You are TIRED. This feeling is solved by going to sleep. Going to sleep is also something you can do that will make me feel less like donating you to the next band of travelling Roma who happen to be roaming the Detroit suburbs. This feeling called TIRED is part of why you are making that noise. It is the feeling that makes you whine and cry until 2 a.m. It is also why Mommy feels like crying so much of the time.
Love,
Mama
P.S. Please stop eating cat hair off the carpet. It can't possibly be as tasty as you make it seem.