Renounce my need [GaaSaku]
Title: Renounce my need
Fandom: Naruto
Prompt: #08 - Shame 100_prompts
Character/Pairing: Sabaku no Gaara/Haruno Sakura
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1508
Summary: "But Sakura knew very well where such a fall would lead: to broken bones and bleeding wounds at the bottom of the ravine of desolation."
Authors Notes: Actually, shame on me for taking so long to put up another drabble! >__< Gomen.
~~xxx~~
Quietly slide away off the mattress
Find my clothing on the bed post
So I tip toe out of this mess
As I slip back into last night’s dress
I get around
Put a little lipstick back on my face
Blow a little kiss to you from the doorway
Walk the hall right past the stair case
Take the elevator back down out of this place
I get around
I get around, Dragonette
08 - Shame
As soon as she came awake and registered her surroundings, Sakura couldn’t help a pang of an old familiar feeling from overwhelming her.
When would she ever learn any better?
The warmth at her back and the sculpted arm thrown casually across her naked hip never failed to unsettle her. Not because they provoked any kind of revulsion or dislike... quite the contrary. His warm body sleeping next to hers and the way he held her in slumber always felt disconcertingly right. Even though she had absolutely no claim on him whatsoever, he never failed to treat her like if she did, making her feel appreciated and always welcome in his bed. He never asked any questions or made any misplaced comments, seemingly accepting her for what she was: a big ugly mess.
Sliding upwards under his slack limb, Sakura managed to untangle herself from his hold without waking him. She sat up against the head of the bed, noticing that the first rays of the sun were filtering underneath the heavy drapes of his room. Drowsy emerald eyes turned towards the alarm clock on the bedside table: 6:21am. Yet another dawn in his arms.
Hadn’t she promised she would never do this again?
Shame, pure and unadulterated, bubbled up inside her. It was only made worse when she looked down at the man sleeping next to her, his tousled crimson hair resting on his pillow and his naked body lying close to hers. The display was a treat for her senses: there wasn’t an inch of skin on him that didn’t garner appreciation. This fact triggered yet another guilty pang in her conscience; even in sleep he gave her things she didn’t ask for.
Sakura gritted her teeth. It did no good to dwell on things too much. She was using him as a temporary distraction, as a means to get her mind off things. It was pointless to immerse herself in thoughts that would never lead anywhere. Because, after all, he knew very well he was being used. He’d known it from the start and had been completely comfortable with the fact. There hadn’t been any complaints or demands from him. Besides, there was nothing wrong with what they were doing. They were two mature adults enjoying each other’s bodies, providing a quick escapade from their respective realities. Their tumbles between the sheets were actually a rather healthy enterprise if you considered them in that light.
No, that wasn’t the source of her shame at all. The mortification she felt had a completely different origin.
It had more to do with the fact that she never felt more at ease than when she was sleeping in his bed or that she never felt more like herself than when they lay side by side talking contentedly after they had sated each other’s desire. It was more related to the fact that whenever she or he accepted an invitation from the other, she looked forward to it for days and that when they finally did meet she felt like if the rest of the world didn’t matter during the time they were together.
Her devastating shame originated from the irrevocable knowledge that if she gave herself up to such feelings, she might just find paradise by his side. But Sakura, spineless coward that she was, was utterly terrified by this prospect.
Gaara was exactly what she needed, what she’d always dreamed of having. He was the remedy for the jaded soul she had become. But this awareness only made it all the worse and was the reason why she had decided never to pursue their relationship any further. Sakura was certain she would just screw things up, like she always did.
Because, in the end, he would give her the world and what would she give him in return? A wounded heart that would never stop bleeding; an emotional wreck of perpetual instability. Love had always been about give and take, she knew. There had to be balance in that or else things would never work. And in that moment Sakura was painfully aware she had absolutely nothing worth offering.
So she found as much comfort as she could in the temporal encounters they had and even though she had promised she would stop using him so callously, the temptation of the momentary solace he offered was always too much to resist. Hence, she kept coming back, her feet always finding the path to his door no matter how much she wanted to walk in the opposite direction. Gaara never protested, accepting her presence like if it was only natural for her to show up like she did.
Sliding off the mattress carefully, Sakura walked softly towards the end of the bed and looked for her clothes. She located her panties and bra underneath his shirt but the jeans and top she’d been wearing last night were nowhere to be seen. Going through the pleasant events of the previous evening in her mind, she remembered Gaara frantically undressing her out in the corridor. She moved towards the bedroom door and found her garments on the floor of the hall. Picking them up, she returned to the room and started to dress quickly.
It was better this way. He deserved a lot more in life than being dragged down by someone like her. There was no point in burdening him with her messes. She had always been able to cope with things by herself, no matter how much she’d always wished for someone to help her. She knew such desires were just a pipe dream. In the end, you could only count on yourself, a lesson she had learned repeatedly through experience.
There were no knights in shining armour. A girl had only one option: to save herself. That was, in truth, the way things worked in the real world. She had done it before so she would do it again. Sakura knew she’d be alright by herself.
She got around just fine, after all.
Walking into the bathroom, she surveyed her appearance in the mirror quickly. Her face had seen better days as well as her hair but she was presentable enough. People on the street wouldn’t guess she was escaping the bedroom of a rather dangerous man. Gaara was a threat to her equilibrium, a fatal menace to the homeostasis she had been able to achieve on her own out of scratch. He was a hazard to the fragile peace of mind she had managed to garner for herself after great efforts.
And Sakura, so worn-out by wishes that never came true and tears that never made any difference, was not about to give up on it. She had come too far to risk everything now. There was a promise she did intend to keep: she had vowed to herself she would never start from square one ever again.
But when she walked back into the bedroom and glanced at the man sleeping on the bed, she felt her resolve waver underneath yet another spasm of shame. It would be so easy to undress and slip back underneath the sheets; so easy to let herself be taken in by the warmth he offered and wait until he woke up; so easy to let herself be taken in by the touch of his fingers and the bliss that would surely follow.
It would be so easy to give it all up and fall head first into him.
But Sakura knew very well where such a fall would lead: to broken bones and bleeding wounds at the bottom of the ravine of desolation. From there it would be all about picking herself up and starting from the beginning all over again.
She was just too tired to be able to pull it off. Sakura knew she wouldn’t be able to make it, not this time around. There was a limit to how much an already battered soul could take. That was the origin of her overwhelming fear, knowing that by falling for Gaara she would risk losing herself irrevocably with no chance of ever coming back. It would be her final downfall.
With this thought in mind, she turned her back on the bed resolutely and headed towards the door. It took just a few moments to put on her shoes and locate her purse on the living room sofa. A couple of minutes later, she was shutting the main door of the apartment behind her and standing in front of the elevator.
By the time Sakura walked out onto the street, the light of early morning helped to dissipate the shame of her cowardly retreat and made her feel much better. With the crisp air around her it was easy to lock away the shadows in the deep recesses of her heart. She had, after all, made the right decision.
Strolling briskly and heading towards the subway station, she decided it was going to be a spectacular day despite the misery hanging on to the edges of her perception.
~~xxx~~
Fandom: Naruto
Prompt: #08 - Shame 100_prompts
Character/Pairing: Sabaku no Gaara/Haruno Sakura
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1508
Summary: "But Sakura knew very well where such a fall would lead: to broken bones and bleeding wounds at the bottom of the ravine of desolation."
Authors Notes: Actually, shame on me for taking so long to put up another drabble! >__< Gomen.
~~xxx~~
Quietly slide away off the mattress
Find my clothing on the bed post
So I tip toe out of this mess
As I slip back into last night’s dress
I get around
Put a little lipstick back on my face
Blow a little kiss to you from the doorway
Walk the hall right past the stair case
Take the elevator back down out of this place
I get around
I get around, Dragonette
08 - Shame
As soon as she came awake and registered her surroundings, Sakura couldn’t help a pang of an old familiar feeling from overwhelming her.
When would she ever learn any better?
The warmth at her back and the sculpted arm thrown casually across her naked hip never failed to unsettle her. Not because they provoked any kind of revulsion or dislike... quite the contrary. His warm body sleeping next to hers and the way he held her in slumber always felt disconcertingly right. Even though she had absolutely no claim on him whatsoever, he never failed to treat her like if she did, making her feel appreciated and always welcome in his bed. He never asked any questions or made any misplaced comments, seemingly accepting her for what she was: a big ugly mess.
Sliding upwards under his slack limb, Sakura managed to untangle herself from his hold without waking him. She sat up against the head of the bed, noticing that the first rays of the sun were filtering underneath the heavy drapes of his room. Drowsy emerald eyes turned towards the alarm clock on the bedside table: 6:21am. Yet another dawn in his arms.
Hadn’t she promised she would never do this again?
Shame, pure and unadulterated, bubbled up inside her. It was only made worse when she looked down at the man sleeping next to her, his tousled crimson hair resting on his pillow and his naked body lying close to hers. The display was a treat for her senses: there wasn’t an inch of skin on him that didn’t garner appreciation. This fact triggered yet another guilty pang in her conscience; even in sleep he gave her things she didn’t ask for.
Sakura gritted her teeth. It did no good to dwell on things too much. She was using him as a temporary distraction, as a means to get her mind off things. It was pointless to immerse herself in thoughts that would never lead anywhere. Because, after all, he knew very well he was being used. He’d known it from the start and had been completely comfortable with the fact. There hadn’t been any complaints or demands from him. Besides, there was nothing wrong with what they were doing. They were two mature adults enjoying each other’s bodies, providing a quick escapade from their respective realities. Their tumbles between the sheets were actually a rather healthy enterprise if you considered them in that light.
No, that wasn’t the source of her shame at all. The mortification she felt had a completely different origin.
It had more to do with the fact that she never felt more at ease than when she was sleeping in his bed or that she never felt more like herself than when they lay side by side talking contentedly after they had sated each other’s desire. It was more related to the fact that whenever she or he accepted an invitation from the other, she looked forward to it for days and that when they finally did meet she felt like if the rest of the world didn’t matter during the time they were together.
Her devastating shame originated from the irrevocable knowledge that if she gave herself up to such feelings, she might just find paradise by his side. But Sakura, spineless coward that she was, was utterly terrified by this prospect.
Gaara was exactly what she needed, what she’d always dreamed of having. He was the remedy for the jaded soul she had become. But this awareness only made it all the worse and was the reason why she had decided never to pursue their relationship any further. Sakura was certain she would just screw things up, like she always did.
Because, in the end, he would give her the world and what would she give him in return? A wounded heart that would never stop bleeding; an emotional wreck of perpetual instability. Love had always been about give and take, she knew. There had to be balance in that or else things would never work. And in that moment Sakura was painfully aware she had absolutely nothing worth offering.
So she found as much comfort as she could in the temporal encounters they had and even though she had promised she would stop using him so callously, the temptation of the momentary solace he offered was always too much to resist. Hence, she kept coming back, her feet always finding the path to his door no matter how much she wanted to walk in the opposite direction. Gaara never protested, accepting her presence like if it was only natural for her to show up like she did.
Sliding off the mattress carefully, Sakura walked softly towards the end of the bed and looked for her clothes. She located her panties and bra underneath his shirt but the jeans and top she’d been wearing last night were nowhere to be seen. Going through the pleasant events of the previous evening in her mind, she remembered Gaara frantically undressing her out in the corridor. She moved towards the bedroom door and found her garments on the floor of the hall. Picking them up, she returned to the room and started to dress quickly.
It was better this way. He deserved a lot more in life than being dragged down by someone like her. There was no point in burdening him with her messes. She had always been able to cope with things by herself, no matter how much she’d always wished for someone to help her. She knew such desires were just a pipe dream. In the end, you could only count on yourself, a lesson she had learned repeatedly through experience.
There were no knights in shining armour. A girl had only one option: to save herself. That was, in truth, the way things worked in the real world. She had done it before so she would do it again. Sakura knew she’d be alright by herself.
She got around just fine, after all.
Walking into the bathroom, she surveyed her appearance in the mirror quickly. Her face had seen better days as well as her hair but she was presentable enough. People on the street wouldn’t guess she was escaping the bedroom of a rather dangerous man. Gaara was a threat to her equilibrium, a fatal menace to the homeostasis she had been able to achieve on her own out of scratch. He was a hazard to the fragile peace of mind she had managed to garner for herself after great efforts.
And Sakura, so worn-out by wishes that never came true and tears that never made any difference, was not about to give up on it. She had come too far to risk everything now. There was a promise she did intend to keep: she had vowed to herself she would never start from square one ever again.
But when she walked back into the bedroom and glanced at the man sleeping on the bed, she felt her resolve waver underneath yet another spasm of shame. It would be so easy to undress and slip back underneath the sheets; so easy to let herself be taken in by the warmth he offered and wait until he woke up; so easy to let herself be taken in by the touch of his fingers and the bliss that would surely follow.
It would be so easy to give it all up and fall head first into him.
But Sakura knew very well where such a fall would lead: to broken bones and bleeding wounds at the bottom of the ravine of desolation. From there it would be all about picking herself up and starting from the beginning all over again.
She was just too tired to be able to pull it off. Sakura knew she wouldn’t be able to make it, not this time around. There was a limit to how much an already battered soul could take. That was the origin of her overwhelming fear, knowing that by falling for Gaara she would risk losing herself irrevocably with no chance of ever coming back. It would be her final downfall.
With this thought in mind, she turned her back on the bed resolutely and headed towards the door. It took just a few moments to put on her shoes and locate her purse on the living room sofa. A couple of minutes later, she was shutting the main door of the apartment behind her and standing in front of the elevator.
By the time Sakura walked out onto the street, the light of early morning helped to dissipate the shame of her cowardly retreat and made her feel much better. With the crisp air around her it was easy to lock away the shadows in the deep recesses of her heart. She had, after all, made the right decision.
Strolling briskly and heading towards the subway station, she decided it was going to be a spectacular day despite the misery hanging on to the edges of her perception.
~~xxx~~