with or without you
i deleted my journal for 2 days, then undeleted it. it felt too much like breaking up, and i can't take anymore of those scenarios. i'm still trying to cope with some things that have been very upsetting to me, and i try not to talk about them, even in vague terms, but sometimes my journal is the only way of holding me steady. i don't really feel like i should write too much anymore, because i think it gets me in trouble, the more i say, but i feel cut off if i can't read other people's and at least know about my friends. i'm in a really weird place; i can't tell if it's nerves or feeling let down. i'm grieving for something, that was my fault, and i can't fix it. i wish somebody could fix me.
hopefully i can keep my composure enough to get through this reading. this is very hard for me today.