Jesus/God Jokes
YourGoddess: I found Jesus!!! He was behind my couch the whole time!
Frank: No no! thats Jebus, his younger brother, keeper of lost change
MalevolentLizard: Dude he's totally in York, Pa rockin out to tool in his jeep, smoking a doobie! He is I seen him!
TheLifeStream: Some people think i'm Jesus, that's cool with Me. I know i'm not Jesus, he was someone else. People tell me I Am so biblical, or all of these things from the Bible that they see in Me.. and I just tell them i'm a Wizard and that they are likely seeing my love and appreciation for all living things... then they run off and think that i'm Satan... so i'm jesus than im satan.. hmm interesting could they be the same thing!??! noo.. that can be!!! :) were all energy reguardless of it's form.
Dragyn: I talked to someone who said that "All Jews are going to Hell"
That must mean that Jesus is in Hell... maybe Satan and Jesus are the same thing, after all...
Haunted: mmm... hot buttery Christ on a biscuit...
CrisStorms: mmmm, Messiah cookies.
I personally like the classical Jesus on a Stick...but that tends to upset fans of Mel Gibson's The Passion.
Promyse: I remember seeing the "couch" joke on a bumper sticker when I worked at Hot Topic...
But hey seriously has anyone here ever thought of evoking Jesus? Getting to know him? Asking him what his real message or mission was? Joke around with him and get the heads up on the spiritual realm?
I totally think that the church and humanity has totally messed up his teachings and all that jazz. However as a healer (Reiki) I have totall respect and admire a person who walked this earth and healed others so wonderfully. The Idea of Jesus is wonderful. I mean a person that connected to the divine (WO!).
Maybe he was a jewish/pagan/buddhist?
tink tink tink about it
Michael: Jesus saves..... and takes half damage.
Raine: yes! A fellow Gamer!
TheReaperAndTheFlower: "Jesus saves... by shopping smart and clipping double coupons!", and my utmost favorite "Hey, did you hear Easter was cancled?... Yeah, they found the body."
MalevolentLizard: I can see why the last one is...hahaha
Jason: Ok, now you got me going.... here are some of my fav Jesus and God jokes....
"Make God laugh - plan for the future."
"Jesus Saves... Passes to Moses. Shoots... He SCORES!"
"Jesus saves, Allah forgives, Cthulhu thinks you'd make a nice sandwich."
"Jesus is coming.. Everybody look busy!"
"If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining."
"And on the 8th day God said, OK Murphy, you take over."
"Give me some of that old-time Religion... HAIL CTHULHU!"
"Jesus loves you. Then again, so does Barney."
"Want a taste of religion? Bite a minister..."
"The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies, probably because they are generally the same people."
"When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and suddenly realized that I was talking to myself."
"God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh."
Galen: U know some where Jesus is probaly saying "OMG that was hilarious and so true"
Wolfcat: My favorite bumper stickers:
"Jesus is coming, but Mary Magdelene is just getting warmed up!"
"Jesus saves souls (and trades them for valuable prizes)!"
"God, save me from your followers!"
"Get a taste of magic (lick a witch)!"
"Witches do it in Circles!"
Wolfcat Moonchylde (not a bumper sticker)
PS: The funny thing is I tried to market a crucifix-shaped popcicle, on the grounds of that x-tians love their sacred symbol of death and buy anything shaped like it... the working name was "christ on a stick"... funny, it never got off the ground for some reason.
Lupine Divine: "And thus it was said, that Moses parted the Red Sea.....and earned his red wings"
Spyder: Question, If I find Jesus, can I legally sell him on Ebay?
Just wondering.:)
Lupine Divine: LMFAO....I'm sure if someone can sell a grilled cheese sandwich, that somewhat resembles the "Blessed Virgin Mary, " for 25k.......who know's how much you would get for "The Savior of Mankind?"
Here are some potential selling points for you...:
-Self ressurecting
-Patented "water-to-wine" feature is great for parties
-Can even walk on water
-Act now, and you will recieve the bonus "Blood n' Body" gift set, great for those unexpected midnight munchies
Chrissy Kitty: You're all going to hell....
And I'll be there selling t-shirts that say "I went to hell and all I got was this stupid t-shirt"
These are insanely funny......^_^
John: "I was looking for jesus, but I got busy"
**witchboi**: My friend Karen has the best reponce for people who ask her if she's found jesus. She goes "I didn't know he was lost."
ReaperAndTheFlowers: heh, someone elses responce to the "Have you found Jesus?" question was "Why would I want a mexican?"
(Okay, that's all I've got right now. Bye bye)
Frank: No no! thats Jebus, his younger brother, keeper of lost change
MalevolentLizard: Dude he's totally in York, Pa rockin out to tool in his jeep, smoking a doobie! He is I seen him!
TheLifeStream: Some people think i'm Jesus, that's cool with Me. I know i'm not Jesus, he was someone else. People tell me I Am so biblical, or all of these things from the Bible that they see in Me.. and I just tell them i'm a Wizard and that they are likely seeing my love and appreciation for all living things... then they run off and think that i'm Satan... so i'm jesus than im satan.. hmm interesting could they be the same thing!??! noo.. that can be!!! :) were all energy reguardless of it's form.
Dragyn: I talked to someone who said that "All Jews are going to Hell"
That must mean that Jesus is in Hell... maybe Satan and Jesus are the same thing, after all...
Haunted: mmm... hot buttery Christ on a biscuit...
CrisStorms: mmmm, Messiah cookies.
I personally like the classical Jesus on a Stick...but that tends to upset fans of Mel Gibson's The Passion.
Promyse: I remember seeing the "couch" joke on a bumper sticker when I worked at Hot Topic...
But hey seriously has anyone here ever thought of evoking Jesus? Getting to know him? Asking him what his real message or mission was? Joke around with him and get the heads up on the spiritual realm?
I totally think that the church and humanity has totally messed up his teachings and all that jazz. However as a healer (Reiki) I have totall respect and admire a person who walked this earth and healed others so wonderfully. The Idea of Jesus is wonderful. I mean a person that connected to the divine (WO!).
Maybe he was a jewish/pagan/buddhist?
tink tink tink about it
Michael: Jesus saves..... and takes half damage.
Raine: yes! A fellow Gamer!
TheReaperAndTheFlower: "Jesus saves... by shopping smart and clipping double coupons!", and my utmost favorite "Hey, did you hear Easter was cancled?... Yeah, they found the body."
MalevolentLizard: I can see why the last one is...hahaha
Jason: Ok, now you got me going.... here are some of my fav Jesus and God jokes....
"Make God laugh - plan for the future."
"Jesus Saves... Passes to Moses. Shoots... He SCORES!"
"Jesus saves, Allah forgives, Cthulhu thinks you'd make a nice sandwich."
"Jesus is coming.. Everybody look busy!"
"If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining."
"And on the 8th day God said, OK Murphy, you take over."
"Give me some of that old-time Religion... HAIL CTHULHU!"
"Jesus loves you. Then again, so does Barney."
"Want a taste of religion? Bite a minister..."
"The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies, probably because they are generally the same people."
"When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and suddenly realized that I was talking to myself."
"God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh."
Galen: U know some where Jesus is probaly saying "OMG that was hilarious and so true"
Wolfcat: My favorite bumper stickers:
"Jesus is coming, but Mary Magdelene is just getting warmed up!"
"Jesus saves souls (and trades them for valuable prizes)!"
"God, save me from your followers!"
"Get a taste of magic (lick a witch)!"
"Witches do it in Circles!"
Wolfcat Moonchylde (not a bumper sticker)
PS: The funny thing is I tried to market a crucifix-shaped popcicle, on the grounds of that x-tians love their sacred symbol of death and buy anything shaped like it... the working name was "christ on a stick"... funny, it never got off the ground for some reason.
Lupine Divine: "And thus it was said, that Moses parted the Red Sea.....and earned his red wings"
Spyder: Question, If I find Jesus, can I legally sell him on Ebay?
Just wondering.:)
Lupine Divine: LMFAO....I'm sure if someone can sell a grilled cheese sandwich, that somewhat resembles the "Blessed Virgin Mary, " for 25k.......who know's how much you would get for "The Savior of Mankind?"
Here are some potential selling points for you...:
-Self ressurecting
-Patented "water-to-wine" feature is great for parties
-Can even walk on water
-Act now, and you will recieve the bonus "Blood n' Body" gift set, great for those unexpected midnight munchies
Chrissy Kitty: You're all going to hell....
And I'll be there selling t-shirts that say "I went to hell and all I got was this stupid t-shirt"
These are insanely funny......^_^
John: "I was looking for jesus, but I got busy"
**witchboi**: My friend Karen has the best reponce for people who ask her if she's found jesus. She goes "I didn't know he was lost."
ReaperAndTheFlowers: heh, someone elses responce to the "Have you found Jesus?" question was "Why would I want a mexican?"
(Okay, that's all I've got right now. Bye bye)