Dear Wellness Professor

[celticape]

You have been assigned to teach a glorified PE class. It is vital to remember that you are not a science teacher and that things you make up while driving to work are not "science". You are also not an English teacher and you should neither consider yourself qualified to grade essays based on structure and mechanics nor issue too many of these assignments as students still have real classes to work on. We have found it generally poor policy to have people sit for an hour while you tell them about the benefits of not sitting for a long time. We also recommend refaining from teaching stress management while assigning an assload of work at finals time. Most importantly, please bear in mind that your class has little if anything to do with a student's academic career. Finally, if you lost a paper...don't tell your student that they never turned it in, they are already doing more important things than you can imagine. Now please go back and drink your water, which you love so much.

Sincerely,
Everyone