Quotes of the Term
A very belated merry Christmas to my friends here in the LJ community, and an early happy new year! I hope your holidays have been treating you well, allowing you a bit of rest from the insanity of daily life. I know it's been an absolute blessing to me to have a little bit of time to withdraw from things and just read and watch movies.
Since she is no longer here to do it, this is me carrying on lily_handmaiden's tradition of compiling the ridiculous things people say in college classes and publishing them. I've discovered how to put them under a cut thing so as not to take up your entire page, but bear with me if it doesn't work--my l33t h4ck3r skillz leave a bit to be desired.
For Whit and lily_handmaiden (and whoever else likes funny and out-of-context ridiculousness!), then, I present the quotes of Fall 2008:
Medieval Philosophy
Augustine: If Stoics really believe that pain and pleasure are merely states of mind, they should be beaten until they recognize their mistake.
Prof: Magic is just me making you see the world the way I want you to.
Prof: People go to war over philosophy, too--think of the Cold War.
Prof: As soon as humans get beyond bare survival, they're on it--ways to get wasted.
Prof: It's like a witch and priest trying to get together.
Prof: The chair doesn't have to be rational to be a chair, but I have to be rational to be a human being. (He's obviously not met the chairs I hang around.)
Prof on Schopenhauer: He was sort of like a modern professor, always chasing after young women.
Prof: Old age is not for the weak, man.
Prof: Maybe I'm different than you guys, but lust is kind of fun.
Prof on why he doesn't give in-class exams: It's not like you're going to be standing at an operating table and need to know what Augustine said right then.
Prof: Everything that lives lives by the death of something else--except plankton.
Prof: People disagree with me, they must die.
Prof: Abelard likes to focus on the thinginess of things.
Prof: Muslims are obsessed with sex, too, just like the Christians.
Prof: We have three classes--the really dumb, the sorta dumb, and the people who understand. These are the people who get to read Aristotle and you don't.
Prof: The bass guitar was the worst because that incited young women to have sex.
Prof: That's a good medieval concept--anything that's not perfect is eventually gonna fall apart.
Prof: Sacred truth is written the way it is so that all you fools who aren't as smart as me can understand it.
Prof: I wouldn't know much about that, I've been married, like, forever--serially, but forever.
Prof: It doesn't somehow become reunited with the universal cookie.
Prof: The evolution of human society is a very herky-jerky sort of thing.
Prof on Obama: He keeps saying, "We've only got one president," and what he doesn't follow with is, "and it's me."
Latin Seminar on Ovid's Metamorphoses:
Prof on Orpheus: It's sort of like zombie love.
Prof: And I walk up to Argus and say, "Arr, matey!" If they were pirates, at least.
Prof: If there was ancient moisturizer, Mercury would have hold of it.
Prof: The "-que" got elided, why couldn't it just take the "positis" with it?
Prof: There's plenty of dead grannies to go around.
Prof: The space Romans answer these questions.
--Prof: We just had two lines about putting on his hat--
--Em.C.: Because Mercury understands not all accessories apply to all situations.
Prof: If you're a skilled craftsman god, you can just make yourself a bunch of sex toys!
Prof: That's why it caught me with pants down--which makes it really hard to walk.
Prof: Ah, the dreaded Maeonian bonnet.
Prof: Hercules is like Brad Pitt and Arnold Schwarzenegger put together. I'm not sure if that's a good idea. Let's just go with Fabio.
Prof: I mean, if you shot Barry White and soaked something in his blood, that I might buy.
Prof: I like to think of Orpheus as Jon bon Jovi.
Prof: Freddie Mercury makes me laugh every time I think of him.
Prof: Jupiter inserts a Cloud Juno that he got at the XXX bookstore.
Em.C. on Achilles: He may have been a nutter, but he achieved his goal.
Prof: That is the Rockem-Sockem Aesacus.
Prof: Which, I'm Ovid--of course audacity is going to be given words.
Prof: In any event, Rome had much less electricity.
Prof: If you want to go all the way to a "foeda" banquet, you gotta eat some babies.
Prof: I'm arbitrary in my exercise of power? Get ye to Romania!
Prof on the impervious nature of our classics professors: We were bitten by radioactive caterpillars.
Prof: And if you don't like it, go read Homer!
Studies in Dickens and Eliot
--Prof: You think David's gonna have a hard time of it yet?
--Dave C.: Yes.
--Prof: Why?
--Dave C.: It's Dickens.
Prof: Weakness in a parent can be just as damaging as aggression.
Prof: Neurotics can spot each other a mile away in the dark.
Dave C.: She's almost difficult to read...just plain flat-out stupid.
Maddie: She reminded me so much of Shirley Temple, and Shirley Temple is 5.
Prof: Murder is the only crime that's a crime in every culture in the world.
Nat. B.: Which I think is pretty ironic that he wants to send him to work for God.
Prof: Of course--that would cut off his gravy train.
Prof: We doubt that sex was Casaubon's strong suit.
Prof: Meet me in the whorest--ha! Forest!
Prof: They're paving the path to Hell here with dancing.
Prof: He should have to grapple with that and grow. The Hell. Up.
Me: The French Revolution, brought to you by the Vampire Guild.
Dave C.: First of all, when I think of flat characters, I always think of Jean Claude van Damme.
I also wrote several snarky summaries of some of the books of the Metamorphoses, so let me know if you want me to type those up at some point. My class thought they were pretty funny, so I guess that's a recommendation.
And, because I can't not do it, have a quiz.
You Are Cider
Your holiday personality is cozy.
The holidays are your favorite time to stay home, stay warm, and spend time with those you love.
You don't need a lot to make you happy over the holidays.
Seeing an old relative or favorite holiday film is enough to make your day.
What Holiday Drink Are You?
Since she is no longer here to do it, this is me carrying on lily_handmaiden's tradition of compiling the ridiculous things people say in college classes and publishing them. I've discovered how to put them under a cut thing so as not to take up your entire page, but bear with me if it doesn't work--my l33t h4ck3r skillz leave a bit to be desired.
For Whit and lily_handmaiden (and whoever else likes funny and out-of-context ridiculousness!), then, I present the quotes of Fall 2008:
Medieval Philosophy
Augustine: If Stoics really believe that pain and pleasure are merely states of mind, they should be beaten until they recognize their mistake.
Prof: Magic is just me making you see the world the way I want you to.
Prof: People go to war over philosophy, too--think of the Cold War.
Prof: As soon as humans get beyond bare survival, they're on it--ways to get wasted.
Prof: It's like a witch and priest trying to get together.
Prof: The chair doesn't have to be rational to be a chair, but I have to be rational to be a human being. (He's obviously not met the chairs I hang around.)
Prof on Schopenhauer: He was sort of like a modern professor, always chasing after young women.
Prof: Old age is not for the weak, man.
Prof: Maybe I'm different than you guys, but lust is kind of fun.
Prof on why he doesn't give in-class exams: It's not like you're going to be standing at an operating table and need to know what Augustine said right then.
Prof: Everything that lives lives by the death of something else--except plankton.
Prof: People disagree with me, they must die.
Prof: Abelard likes to focus on the thinginess of things.
Prof: Muslims are obsessed with sex, too, just like the Christians.
Prof: We have three classes--the really dumb, the sorta dumb, and the people who understand. These are the people who get to read Aristotle and you don't.
Prof: The bass guitar was the worst because that incited young women to have sex.
Prof: That's a good medieval concept--anything that's not perfect is eventually gonna fall apart.
Prof: Sacred truth is written the way it is so that all you fools who aren't as smart as me can understand it.
Prof: I wouldn't know much about that, I've been married, like, forever--serially, but forever.
Prof: It doesn't somehow become reunited with the universal cookie.
Prof: The evolution of human society is a very herky-jerky sort of thing.
Prof on Obama: He keeps saying, "We've only got one president," and what he doesn't follow with is, "and it's me."
Latin Seminar on Ovid's Metamorphoses:
Prof on Orpheus: It's sort of like zombie love.
Prof: And I walk up to Argus and say, "Arr, matey!" If they were pirates, at least.
Prof: If there was ancient moisturizer, Mercury would have hold of it.
Prof: The "-que" got elided, why couldn't it just take the "positis" with it?
Prof: There's plenty of dead grannies to go around.
Prof: The space Romans answer these questions.
--Prof: We just had two lines about putting on his hat--
--Em.C.: Because Mercury understands not all accessories apply to all situations.
Prof: If you're a skilled craftsman god, you can just make yourself a bunch of sex toys!
Prof: That's why it caught me with pants down--which makes it really hard to walk.
Prof: Ah, the dreaded Maeonian bonnet.
Prof: Hercules is like Brad Pitt and Arnold Schwarzenegger put together. I'm not sure if that's a good idea. Let's just go with Fabio.
Prof: I mean, if you shot Barry White and soaked something in his blood, that I might buy.
Prof: I like to think of Orpheus as Jon bon Jovi.
Prof: Freddie Mercury makes me laugh every time I think of him.
Prof: Jupiter inserts a Cloud Juno that he got at the XXX bookstore.
Em.C. on Achilles: He may have been a nutter, but he achieved his goal.
Prof: That is the Rockem-Sockem Aesacus.
Prof: Which, I'm Ovid--of course audacity is going to be given words.
Prof: In any event, Rome had much less electricity.
Prof: If you want to go all the way to a "foeda" banquet, you gotta eat some babies.
Prof: I'm arbitrary in my exercise of power? Get ye to Romania!
Prof on the impervious nature of our classics professors: We were bitten by radioactive caterpillars.
Prof: And if you don't like it, go read Homer!
Studies in Dickens and Eliot
--Prof: You think David's gonna have a hard time of it yet?
--Dave C.: Yes.
--Prof: Why?
--Dave C.: It's Dickens.
Prof: Weakness in a parent can be just as damaging as aggression.
Prof: Neurotics can spot each other a mile away in the dark.
Dave C.: She's almost difficult to read...just plain flat-out stupid.
Maddie: She reminded me so much of Shirley Temple, and Shirley Temple is 5.
Prof: Murder is the only crime that's a crime in every culture in the world.
Nat. B.: Which I think is pretty ironic that he wants to send him to work for God.
Prof: Of course--that would cut off his gravy train.
Prof: We doubt that sex was Casaubon's strong suit.
Prof: Meet me in the whorest--ha! Forest!
Prof: They're paving the path to Hell here with dancing.
Prof: He should have to grapple with that and grow. The Hell. Up.
Me: The French Revolution, brought to you by the Vampire Guild.
Dave C.: First of all, when I think of flat characters, I always think of Jean Claude van Damme.
I also wrote several snarky summaries of some of the books of the Metamorphoses, so let me know if you want me to type those up at some point. My class thought they were pretty funny, so I guess that's a recommendation.
And, because I can't not do it, have a quiz.
You Are Cider
Your holiday personality is cozy.
The holidays are your favorite time to stay home, stay warm, and spend time with those you love.
You don't need a lot to make you happy over the holidays.
Seeing an old relative or favorite holiday film is enough to make your day.
What Holiday Drink Are You?