The Greatest Adventure of ALL TIME
Yesterday, me Marta and Kaelin completed what has to be the greatest adventure of all time. Seriously, there is so many anecdotes from this story I can hardly BREATHE. Basically, the sketchest, coolest evening of all time. It went like this:
- Randomly, me Marta and Kaelin decided we were going to go camping at Multnomah Falls, and hike up the falls in the morning. So we randomly left at 11 o'clock at night.
- first we got lost in Portland, and then on the highway, making us lost with only a Cosmo magazine to keep us company (if you rub a man's earlobe, there shall be an uprising in his pants)
- We made it to multnomah falls, and parked to sleep there, and turned off our lights.
- A man who we christened Sir Sketchalot (cause he was THE sketchest guy EVER) pulled up to our car in the dark, in the forest, with his lights off, and started screaming at us. From memory, i believe his words were: "fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck". Me Marta and Kaelin, sitting in the car half asleep in our underwear, were rather distressed by this. After I FAILED to start the car up by using the wrong key, Marta took over and drove us away in terror (my masculinity is forever damaged by my inability to start the car)
- As we were rather sketched out now, we did the intelligent thing and raced off in the opposite direction of Sir Sketchalot into strange, EXTREMELY sketch backwoods. Completely lost, we finally turned around and were heading back, when Kaelin flipped out. Apparently, as we were driving, Kaelin looked out the windows and saw an old couple standing in their lawn and staring at us in their bathrobes. Keep in mind that this was at 2:30 in the morning, and it was raining. Good sweet sketchington.
- After we finished being scared about the robe people, we started being scared about Sir Sketchalot again, as we found him being interrogated by police officers by the side of the road. He was the wierdest, sketchest looking dude I've ever seen.
- Next we found another place to park and tried to sleep again. However, the PO-leece found us, and came up to the car. Marta, in a moment of absolute hilarity, told the cop rather indignantly that "we were trying to sleep" when he came to the car. He was obviously a very rude cop, cause he didn't leave. Instead he stayed and explained that the area we were in was perhaps the sketchest in the galaxy. He told us that Sir Sketchalot was completely off his rocker, and also said he'd seen "terrible things" happen around here, and insinuated that in all probability, we were going to be raped and murdered within ten minutes if we didn't get the hell out of there. So we did.
- We promptly found the nearest hotel, and being highly sketched out, we decided hottubbing would be in order. We happily hottubbed in some hotel to relax, but had nothing to dry off with. So, after getting out, I was standing buck naked by the car drying off. It was at this time that I looked up and saw a small, skinny bald man accross the parking lot staring at me in surprise. I imagine seeing a naked teenager in a parking lot at nearly 4 AM unnerved him a little. Sketch.
- Finally, we found a suitable sleeping area, and Marta and Kaelin slept for a delightful two hours while I freaked out because a cop car pulled in near our car and stayed there idling for an hour. God. I got about ten minutes of sleep.
- After our really restful slumber, the three of us hiked up to where we could get a good look at multnomah falls, and decided that was probably far enough. Feeling like real woodsmen after our ten minute hike, we retired to the nearbye restauraunt and ate pancakes and greasy hashbrowns by the fire. What a good adventure.
Basically, you are all jealous right now. But, I don't know if you guys should try and copy our adventure, as Sir Sketchalot is probably still prowling around hunting for us. And he's scary. And I used the word "sketch" many times in this post.
THE END
Love,
Maxi Pad (the worst nickname ever given to me)
- Randomly, me Marta and Kaelin decided we were going to go camping at Multnomah Falls, and hike up the falls in the morning. So we randomly left at 11 o'clock at night.
- first we got lost in Portland, and then on the highway, making us lost with only a Cosmo magazine to keep us company (if you rub a man's earlobe, there shall be an uprising in his pants)
- We made it to multnomah falls, and parked to sleep there, and turned off our lights.
- A man who we christened Sir Sketchalot (cause he was THE sketchest guy EVER) pulled up to our car in the dark, in the forest, with his lights off, and started screaming at us. From memory, i believe his words were: "fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck". Me Marta and Kaelin, sitting in the car half asleep in our underwear, were rather distressed by this. After I FAILED to start the car up by using the wrong key, Marta took over and drove us away in terror (my masculinity is forever damaged by my inability to start the car)
- As we were rather sketched out now, we did the intelligent thing and raced off in the opposite direction of Sir Sketchalot into strange, EXTREMELY sketch backwoods. Completely lost, we finally turned around and were heading back, when Kaelin flipped out. Apparently, as we were driving, Kaelin looked out the windows and saw an old couple standing in their lawn and staring at us in their bathrobes. Keep in mind that this was at 2:30 in the morning, and it was raining. Good sweet sketchington.
- After we finished being scared about the robe people, we started being scared about Sir Sketchalot again, as we found him being interrogated by police officers by the side of the road. He was the wierdest, sketchest looking dude I've ever seen.
- Next we found another place to park and tried to sleep again. However, the PO-leece found us, and came up to the car. Marta, in a moment of absolute hilarity, told the cop rather indignantly that "we were trying to sleep" when he came to the car. He was obviously a very rude cop, cause he didn't leave. Instead he stayed and explained that the area we were in was perhaps the sketchest in the galaxy. He told us that Sir Sketchalot was completely off his rocker, and also said he'd seen "terrible things" happen around here, and insinuated that in all probability, we were going to be raped and murdered within ten minutes if we didn't get the hell out of there. So we did.
- We promptly found the nearest hotel, and being highly sketched out, we decided hottubbing would be in order. We happily hottubbed in some hotel to relax, but had nothing to dry off with. So, after getting out, I was standing buck naked by the car drying off. It was at this time that I looked up and saw a small, skinny bald man accross the parking lot staring at me in surprise. I imagine seeing a naked teenager in a parking lot at nearly 4 AM unnerved him a little. Sketch.
- Finally, we found a suitable sleeping area, and Marta and Kaelin slept for a delightful two hours while I freaked out because a cop car pulled in near our car and stayed there idling for an hour. God. I got about ten minutes of sleep.
- After our really restful slumber, the three of us hiked up to where we could get a good look at multnomah falls, and decided that was probably far enough. Feeling like real woodsmen after our ten minute hike, we retired to the nearbye restauraunt and ate pancakes and greasy hashbrowns by the fire. What a good adventure.
Basically, you are all jealous right now. But, I don't know if you guys should try and copy our adventure, as Sir Sketchalot is probably still prowling around hunting for us. And he's scary. And I used the word "sketch" many times in this post.
THE END
Love,
Maxi Pad (the worst nickname ever given to me)