beautiful reflections
I talked to my dad today. Most likely Buttons will have to be put down tomorrow due to nearly complete renal failure and pancreitis. My little kitten, who will always be a kitten to me because of how small and spunky the curious little trouble-maker is... I've always seen a part of myself in that cat - testing the limits to figure out what exact she can get away with. I'll always love her, and I know she's a fighter so I'll just have to wait until tomorrow to see what the vet says... Positive thoughts towards her and her partner in crime, Skippy, are welcome and appreciated...
Yesterday, I picked up my cap and gown. Today my roommate did a huge amount of packing. My room is in shambles from my own packing. I'm graduating in just over two weeks. I'm getting married in under four months. I'm starting graduate work at UB in nearly five. I'm a little fish in a big pond all over again. I'm an 'adult'... out in the 'real world'. Everything just kind of hit me today. Maybe it was the news about Buttons, or maybe it was the realization that friends I feel like I've just made are being left behind yet again, and the truth is...I'm a little nervous. It's that good sort of excited nervous - half way between hyper-ventilating and screaming with awe and amazement. I wonder what the future has to hold.
At the same time, as I was looking through Panther Prints, I started thinking about where I was, who I was this time four years ago. (I get nostalgic, it happens.) I was naive. Wide-eyed and second-guessing everything. I had ambitions and plans and patterns, and quotas of behavior. Things I wanted and things I didn't, but never really knew which was really which deep down. I thought I knew myself; thought that college would be an extenstion of that and that everything would fall into place. I thought a lot about myself and how I interacted with others, not looking at the bigger things around me. And know, besides the new grey hairs I've acquired to make up for the hair I chopped off I find myself standing on a mountain top over-looking a valley. I can see some of the hills and trees and even mountain lions in my future, but not the leaves and branches that make up the forest. I've realized that I'm just another one of those wood-land creatures trying to find the best trail for my padded little toes. What I've finally realized is that one can never really know hirself without knowing and searching in everyone and everything around them. Every tiny event changes us every day. Every person we pass on the street of life affects us whether we realize it or not. I mean yeah, there are obvious differences between me today and me of four years ago, but the biggest change is that right now, in this moment, I am completely comfortable with who I am and at the same time completely comfortable with the things that I don't know about myself. Who Dawn is today, won't exist seven years from now, and I'm ok with that.
And I know that many people will never read this but thank you to everyone who has been part of my life. People who will never know - thank you.
...I don't know, if I have been changed for the better - I do believe I have been changed for the better - because I knew you, but I have been changed for good...
Yesterday, I picked up my cap and gown. Today my roommate did a huge amount of packing. My room is in shambles from my own packing. I'm graduating in just over two weeks. I'm getting married in under four months. I'm starting graduate work at UB in nearly five. I'm a little fish in a big pond all over again. I'm an 'adult'... out in the 'real world'. Everything just kind of hit me today. Maybe it was the news about Buttons, or maybe it was the realization that friends I feel like I've just made are being left behind yet again, and the truth is...I'm a little nervous. It's that good sort of excited nervous - half way between hyper-ventilating and screaming with awe and amazement. I wonder what the future has to hold.
At the same time, as I was looking through Panther Prints, I started thinking about where I was, who I was this time four years ago. (I get nostalgic, it happens.) I was naive. Wide-eyed and second-guessing everything. I had ambitions and plans and patterns, and quotas of behavior. Things I wanted and things I didn't, but never really knew which was really which deep down. I thought I knew myself; thought that college would be an extenstion of that and that everything would fall into place. I thought a lot about myself and how I interacted with others, not looking at the bigger things around me. And know, besides the new grey hairs I've acquired to make up for the hair I chopped off I find myself standing on a mountain top over-looking a valley. I can see some of the hills and trees and even mountain lions in my future, but not the leaves and branches that make up the forest. I've realized that I'm just another one of those wood-land creatures trying to find the best trail for my padded little toes. What I've finally realized is that one can never really know hirself without knowing and searching in everyone and everything around them. Every tiny event changes us every day. Every person we pass on the street of life affects us whether we realize it or not. I mean yeah, there are obvious differences between me today and me of four years ago, but the biggest change is that right now, in this moment, I am completely comfortable with who I am and at the same time completely comfortable with the things that I don't know about myself. Who Dawn is today, won't exist seven years from now, and I'm ok with that.
And I know that many people will never read this but thank you to everyone who has been part of my life. People who will never know - thank you.
...I don't know, if I have been changed for the better - I do believe I have been changed for the better - because I knew you, but I have been changed for good...