Fic Commentary, part 1 of 2: The Moment of Epiphany
Fic commentary: The Moment of Epiphany ( original story is here)
Characters: Veronica, Logan, Duncan, Wallace, and others
Rating: NC-17 (language and looooove)
Disclaimer: I am in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of Veronica Mars. No copyright infringement is intended.
Notes: When I decided to write a commentary, I put it to a vote, and you people were no help at all! Almost every one of my fics got one vote, except for one that got two-hardly a resounding victory. :) So I went ahead and picked the one that zaftig_darling chose, just because she could use some fun reading and I don’t have time to finish a whole fic right now.
If you haven’t read the original story, be aware that my comments here are full of spoilers!
~*~*~*~
I had always wanted to write a fic where we see Logan’s reaction to the bus crash, particularly since Duncan was so unemotional about it and Logan certainly would not have been. Then candlewaxdreams requested a birthday fic in which Veronica realizes that Duncan is wrong for her much sooner in s2 and breaks up with him, so I put the two ideas together.
Veronica ran along the concrete barricade that had failed so horribly, watching as the yellow school bus slowly submerged into the ocean a hundred feet below.
In “Drivers’ Ed,” VMVO said that it was 90 feet, but in the shot at the end of “Normal is the Watchword,” it’s waaaay farther than that.
The feeling of helplessness was like a punch in the gut, and she barely registered Gia’s voice as she tried to tell Veronica what had happened.
“Veronica!” Duncan’s voice broke into her thoughts. As he wrapped his arms around her, she continued to stare in shocked silence until she realized that, for a few moments, Duncan thought that she was on that school bus-with everyone else who had probably died even before the water had swallowed them up. “Oh my God…” Veronica murmured.
“Shhh…” Duncan said, his lips against her forehead. “It’s OK…”
Duncan’s reaction immediately after the crash was pretty minimal, given that for a few moments, he thought Veronica and Meg (along with many others) were dead. You’d expect a much bigger response when Veronica arrived safe and sound. Shitty acting? Bad writing? Slipshod directing? Take your pick. Probably a little of each, I think.
“How can you say it’s OK?” Veronica cried, taking a step back. “It’s not OK! What about Meg? Or Ms. Dumas? Or…”
“Ronnie! Holy shit!” Dick yelled as he strode toward her. “Where the fuck did you come from?”
Veronica wiped her eyes with her sleeve. “I missed the bus back at the gas station.”
“Whooooa,” Dick replied as he wandered off, dialing his cell phone.
…calling Logan back…
Duncan took Veronica’s hand in his. “Don’t be mad at me. I’m just glad you’re alive.”
“I know,” she said, swallowing her tears.
The limo driver ran up behind them. “I just got off the phone with 911-the police and the Coast Guard are on their way.”
Veronica suddenly grabbed for her phone. “I have to call my dad before he hears about this on the police scanner.” She pressed 1 on her speed-dial, and Duncan left her side to go to his friends. “Tell everyone else to call their parents too!” she called after him.
~*~*~*~*~
She was still on the phone with her dad when the Coast Guard boats arrived to search for survivors. The police had blocked off the section of the road, so Veronica sat on the grass across from the crash site; she was afraid she’d start to cry while talking to her father and she didn’t want to upset Duncan.
Nope, no negative emotions allowed around Duncan. Gotta pretend everything’s normal! Smiles, everyone!
“No, I have to stay until the deputies question all of us,” she sniffled, holding herself together as best as she could. “I didn’t see anything until after it happened though.”
“Just come straight home as soon as you can, honey,” Keith said. “I’ll feel better when I see you in the flesh.”
Veronica got a lump in her throat. “I know. I want to see you too. Duncan and Weevil and everyone else are still here too, so I’ll get a ride as soon as they let us go. I’ll be back soon.”
“I love you, honey,” Keith replied.
“I love you too, Dad. Bye.” As she hung up, Veronica heard the squeal of tires. She looked up to see Logan’s Xterra screech to a halt, just barely missing the police barricade. Logan leapt out of the car, leaving the door open, and flew at Dick, ignoring the deputy’s warning to stay outside the crash area. Veronica stood up to see what was happening.
“What the fuck happened?” Logan bellowed, his voice hoarse. “Where is she?” He looked over the edge of the cliff and staggered backward when he saw the bus debris in the ocean. “Have they pulled anyone out? Is she still in the…oh my God…” His hand trembled as he raised it to his face.
Logan’s had a little longer to think about Veronica being killed in the crash than Duncan did, but still-this is the reaction of someone who thinks they’ve suddenly lost someone they love.
“Dude!” Dick grabbed Logan’s shoulders and spun him around to face him. “Logan, dude-listen to me! I called you back but you didn’t pick up. Didn’t you get my message?”
Even though Dick doesn’t like Veronica, he does seem to care about Logan and would probably realize how his friend still felt about her. That’s why I had him call Logan immediately after the crash to tell him V had died, and then try to call him back to tell him she was OK.
Logan shook his head slowly, still looking at the water. “What…”
“She wasn’t on the bus, man.”
Logan stared at his friend in mute shock. Dick gave him a light slap to the side of his head.
“Did you hear me? Veronica missed the bus-she came riding up with one of those PCH gangbangers right after I talked to you.”
I originally had Dick calling Weevil by name, but when angst_driven beta’ed this, she pointed out that Dick wouldn’t be bothered to know a PCHer’s name, despite Logan’s legal troubles the previous summer. And he probably thinks all Mexicans look alike anyway.
“Sh-sh-she’s OK?” Logan stammered. He grasped the front of Dick’s shirt. “She’s here? Where is she? Where is she?!?”
“Over there,” Dick said casually, pointing to where Veronica stood. She raised her hand slowly and gave a little wave.
Logan’s shoes skidded on the gravel as he broke into a run, shoving Beaver out of his way.
I wanted to have Logan shove someone out of his way in his mad dash to Veronica, and Beaver was the most deserving of a shove (to say the least).
Veronica was stunned to see him barreling toward her when he’d spent the last two months taking every opportunity to fire insults at her, but she took a few tentative steps forward before colliding with him in the middle of the road. He hugged her so tightly, she could barely breathe. She wrapped her arms around his waist, pressing her cheek against his chest as she finally let her tears fall.
After Veronica broke up with him, Logan still shook her up-in the first two eps of s2, he talks to her a few times but the Queen of the Snappy Comeback never responds. It felt to me like she couldn’t trust herself to say anything for fear that her feelings might be too obvious. So after holding in her emotions for Duncan’s sake, seeing Logan opened the floodgates.
He buried his face in her hair. “I thought you were dead,” he said with a ragged whisper. “I don’t even know why I came. I don’t know what I thought I was going to do. I thought…”
“I know,” Veronica sobbed.
Logan held her while she cried, keeping her head tucked securely under his, until her breathing began to slow down and her body relaxed.
I wanted this pose to resemble the one at the end of the roof scene in “Not Pictured.”
They suddenly became aware that their friends were watching them closely, and Logan loosened his grip and took an awkward step back, rubbing his red-rimmed eyes. Unable to look at each other, Veronica and Logan looked across the road and saw Duncan coming toward them.
“I should, um…” Logan waved a hand in the direction of Dick, Beaver, and the others.
“Yeah,” Veronica agreed as he shuffled off toward his friends.
Duncan glared at Logan as he passed him, but Logan ignored him.
To quote Couch Baron: Awkward!
“What was that all about?” he demanded as he approached Veronica, putting a possessive arm around her.
“Dick called him earlier. He thought I was on the bus. He was just…upset.”
Deputy Gills called out to her, saving her from having to provide further explanation. “Veronica, we’re ready to take your statement.”
Gills is one of the deputies who gets canned by Keith in season 3.
As she walked over to the squad car, she glanced over at Logan, who was listening to the Casablancas brothers and Gia Goodman animatedly describe what they had seen from the limousine. Before she could turn away, he looked up and his eyes held hers until the deputy asked his first question.
~*~*~*~*~
From what they were able to overhear on the police radios, Veronica and her classmates soon realized that someone may have survived the crash. However, the deputies refused to tell them anything until the families were notified. They tried to wait, but the sun was beginning to set and most of them wanted to get home to their families.
Dick, Beaver, and Gia climbed into Logan’s car, while the rest of the ’09ers started to pile back into the limo. Logan drove off without saying anything to Duncan or Veronica.
“Let’s get going,” Duncan said, holding his hand out toward Veronica.
She looked back at Weevil, who was purposely taking longer than usual to adjust his motorcycle’s mirrors before leaving.
Aw, Weevil’s waiting to see if she wants him to drive her the rest of the way home. I originally wrote a scene between Veronica and Weevil that took place when he dropped her off at her apartment, but it created too big of a break from the main story. (Plus, I think Keith would have been waiting at the door to run out the second V arrived home!) If this was a longer, multi-chapter story, I probably would have left the Weevil scene in.
“I’m going to ride with Weevil,” she told Duncan. He raised an eyebrow. “After the day we’ve had, I just can’t stomach the idea of being trapped in a vehicle with all those people. Plus, Weevil can get me home to my dad faster since I’m the only one he needs to drop off.”
He glanced over her shoulder at Weevil, who gave him a nod. “OK,” Duncan said. “Call me later?”
“Yeah,” she said. With a quick kiss, they both headed off to their respective rides home.
~*~*~*~*~
When Veronica arrived at Neptune High the following morning, she was swarmed by reporters as soon as she got out of her car. She ducked her head down, ignoring their questions as she tried to push past them and get into the building. Suddenly, the pack dispersed, and Veronica breathed a deep sigh of relief until she saw what had gotten their attention. Logan’s recognizable yellow vehicle had just pulled into the parking lot, and the mob of reporters was running toward it, shouting to get Logan’s attention. The SUV stopped briefly, then zoomed off, exiting at the other end of the lot and disappearing down the street. Veronica took advantage of the momentary diversion to make a break for the school.
Logan definitely doesn’t care about school enough to bother dealing with the reporters just to get to class.
After she passed through the metal detectors, she found Duncan waiting at her locker.
“Ready for the calc quiz?” he asked jovially.
Veronica just stared back at him.
“Calculus,” he repeated. “Quiz. This morning.”
“I know, but didn’t you just get attacked by the horde on your way in?” she asked. “Doesn’t that bother you?”
Duncan shrugged. “I came a little early to study, since I didn’t have much time last night. There weren’t as many reporters then.”
She looked at him incredulously. “Duncan, a busload of our classmates went over a cliff 16 hours ago. I’m thinking maybe the scheduled lesson plans aren’t going to be a priority today.”
“Whatever. At least I’m ready, just in case.” He kissed her briefly. “See you second period.”
Veronica was right. Most of the teachers were as rattled as the students by the previous day’s tragedy, and spent the class time talking about everyone’s feelings and reminding them about how to contact the school counselor if they felt the need.
Between Lilly Kane, Felix Toombs, and all of the bus crash victims, the Neptune High counselor must be really freaking busy. The death rate at that school approaches that of Sunnydale High.
She also spent the morning keeping an eye out for Logan, although she knew he probably wouldn’t be back after that morning’s scene in the parking lot. Still, Veronica had been hoping to see him to try and gauge where they stood. There had been nothing but animosity between them since their breakup, but when tragedy struck they had clung to each other. Veronica was especially surprised at how comforting it had been to feel his protective arms around her again. Between that and her nightmares about the crash, she’d gotten very little sleep the previous night.
By lunchtime, Veronica was drained. As she sat at her usual table, picking at her food, a pair of wiry arms wrapped around her and squeezed hard.
“Hey girl, I’m glad to see you in one piece,” Wallace said quietly before slipping into the seat next to her.
I love Wallace-he’s like Veronica’s moral checkpoint in s1. I also think it’s interesting that Veronica’s new BFF is the opposite of Lilly in every possible way.
“I told you I was safe and sound last night,” she said with a tired grin. “And we don’t hug publicly.”
“How’s this then?” Wallace asked, socking her lightly in the shoulder.
“Ow!” Veronica yelped, pretending that the punch hurt more than it did.
“That’s for mocking my sensitive feelings,” Wallace teased. “Talking to you isn’t the same as seeing you for myself.”
Veronica rubbed her arm. “Aw, there goes your stoic, macho rep.”
“Not if you don’t tell anyone,” her best friend said, gesturing threateningly with his spork but grinning nonetheless.
Percy Daggs III has one of the cutest grins ever.
Duncan walked up and took the seat across from Wallace. Wallace held out a fist and Duncan knocked it with his own.
“Good to see you in one piece too,” Wallace said in greeting. “What’s the word on Meg Manning?”
“Still the same,” Duncan replied. “Hey, how does the team look this year?”
“Uh, I think we’ve got a couple of good shooters,” Wallace said, giving Duncan an odd look, “and since Caz grew about another half-foot over the summer, I think that’ll be good for our defense.”
Wallace isn’t close enough to Duncan to say anything, but he’s thinking, “WTF?” Wallace is more affected by the crash and he wasn’t even there.
The boys continued to make small talk for a while until Duncan had to leave early for a student government committee meeting.
“Meet you after school?” he asked his girlfriend.
“No, I’m going back to the crash site with Jessie Doyle,” she answered. “She wants to find out what really happened with her dad.”
Duncan sighed. “Veronica, they’re already saying it was a suicide. Why are you getting involved in this?”
He so doesn’t get her anymore.
“I have to, Duncan,” she said impatiently. “Jessie needs to know the truth. And you of all people should realize that the cops might not have the story straight.”
“I don’t know why you can’t just leave it alone,” he replied in a tone Veronica found slightly patronizing. “Just-try not to cause too much trouble, OK?”
Slightly patronizing?
After he departed, Veronica growled in frustration.
“What’s up, Supafly?”
“He’s acting like nothing happened!” she said.
“How did you expect him to act?” Wallace asked.
“I expect him to act like someone who saw a bus go over a cliff yesterday!” Veronica exclaimed. “Like someone whose ex-girlfriend is in a coma. You’d think it would have some effect on him, but it’s just business as usual.”
“I know-but that’s how most people would be acting. I’m just surprised you’d expect that from Duncan,” Wallace said as he pushed his empty plate away.
“What do you mean?” Veronica asked.
“Acting normal is what he does,” Wallace said, sliding Veronica’s lunch tray toward him. “I mean, you know him better than I do, but from what you’ve told me, it seems like Duncan is the master at ignoring problems.” He lowered his voice so only she could hear. “When he thought you were his sister, did he tell you? No, he just ignored you and hoped the problem would go away. Then after you guys got together at Shelley Pomroy’s party, he just went on like nothing happened until you found out on your own. It’s how he deals with things, I think.” Wallace held a sporkful of Veronica’s uneaten pasta to his mouth. “You don’t mind if I eat this do you?”
Wallace is more perceptive than Veronica ever gave him credit for. Unfortunately, he didn’t often say what he was really thinking, probably for fear that V wouldn’t take it well. But if anyone was going to notice that Duncan isn’t necessarily the “nice guy” that V seems to think he is, it would be Wallace.
Veronica shook her head thoughtfully as Wallace happily gobbled down her lunch.
If Keith and Alicia had combined households, their grocery bill would have been insane.
~*~*~*~*~
Helping Jessie Doyle find out what happened to her dad gave Veronica something else to think about for the next few days. It felt good to have a case to work on; the possibility of uncovering the cause of the crash made Veronica feel less helpless.
It also took her mind off Logan, who was only in school sporadically. Veronica tried to get his attention during the few classes they shared, but he made a point of not looking in her direction. She thought about calling him, but she still didn’t know what she’d say-and she wasn’t sure he’d even answer his phone.
He’s avoiding her because he doesn’t want to hear a “Thanks for the shoulder to cry on, but I’m with Duncan” speech when he’s still hurting about their breakup.
One morning, Veronica came out of the computer lab to see Jessie at the other end of the hall, cornered by a gaggle of ’09er girls. “If my dad had driven a bus off a cliff, I would…” one of them began.
“You’d what, Amber?” Logan said, startling them as he came around the opposite corner.
“Hey, Logan,” she replied, sickeningly flirtatious.
“Hey,” he said with a mocking smile. “So go on. What would you do if one of your parents killed themselves? I’d love to hear your thoughts on the subject.”
Amber had the good sense to look embarrassed. She turned to walk away and her friends followed.
“No?” Logan called after her. “That’s OK, we can chat later!”
It didn’t occur to me until I was writing this that Logan would have had a lot of sympathy for Jessie Doyle’s situation (especially since it was believed to be a suicide at this point), even though he probably didn’t know her at all. Plus, he couldn’t pass up the opportunity to smack down a bitchy ’09er girl.
With a wordless nod to Jessie, he continued down the hall toward Veronica-but when he saw her, he quickly ducked into the boys’ bathroom. She was going to wait for him, but when Jessie started to cry, Veronica realized that she needed her more.
Still, Veronica thought she had a handle on her feelings until she overheard a cheerleader gossiping about Meg’s medical condition. Veronica finally lost her temper, slamming the girl’s locker before storming away. When Duncan approached, her irritation with his non-reaction to the crash flared up.
“Hey, been looking for ya,” he said as he threw an arm over her shoulder. “What’s wrong?”
Veronica set her jaw, trying not to pick a fight.
“You've been listening to Radiohead, haven’t you?” Duncan joked. “That’s it-I’m putting you on a strict Nelly diet.”
She couldn’t take it any more. Stopping, she spun around to face him. “And how should I be feeling? Happy? Like you?”
Duncan just looked at her as though he didn’t know what he was talking about. He threw up his hands and backed away, making Veronica even angrier.
This was the point in the show where Duncan completely lost me for good, no more chances. What a dick. Veronica was still upset about the bus crash, which had only occurred a few days earlier, and he acts like she’s being bitchy for no discernible reason-actually throwing his hands in the air like he just can’t deal with her and her craaaazy emotions. Whatever-fuck you, Duncan.
Wallace came around the corner and saw the look on her face.
“Hey, what’s going on?” he asked, watching Duncan walk down the hall. “What just happened?”
“Not only is he still acting like everything’s normal,” she said, her fists clenched, “he’s treating me like I’m insane for feeling otherwise!”
“Yeah, I saw that ‘whoa, crazy person’ thing he did with his hands,” Wallace said with a shake of his head. “I was kind of shocked that you didn’t punch him in the mouth.”
So was I! He would have deserved it.
Veronica smiled and put her arm around him. “You always know the right thing to say.”
Of course Veronica would see the suggestion of violence as a sign of affection.
“Hey, I thought we didn’t hug publicly!” Wallace cried.
“This isn’t a hug-it’s a one-armed gesture of friendship,” Veronica explained.
“Oh, well, that’s OK then,” her friend said with a grin as they headed off to study hall.
~*~*~*~*~
After school, Veronica waited by Duncan’s car.
“I’m sorry,” she said simply.
Gah. In “Drivers Ed,” this is the scene where she fucking apologizes to Duncan for being upset earlier. He was the one in the wrong! I hated, HATED this scene in the show-to me, it was so representative of the fact that Veronica is not at all herself with Duncan-so I took some of the lines in the transcript and switched them around to make it a breakup scene instead of a makeup scene.
“It’s OK, I know you didn’t mean to lash out at me,” he said, stepping in to embrace her.
She put a hand out to hold him back. “No, I’m not apologizing for that. I just have all these conflicting emotions. Grief, for everyone who died and everyone who lost someone. Guilt, about Meg. And the one that kills me-joy, because I'm alive. And by all rights, I shouldn't be.”
This line is from the transcript, but I thought it was some pretty sucky writing. Show, don’t tell, Rob Thomas.
“Veronica, it's not your fault,” Duncan said.
“I'm afraid that line only works in Good Will Hunting,” Veronica said with a weak smile. “It’s just that…your way of dealing with this is to act like everything’s fine, and I can’t do that. I wanted to, I really did. I think that’s why I wanted to get back together last summer. I wanted to go back to the way things were.”
“They can be…” Duncan began.
“No, they can’t,” Veronica interrupted. “And I’m sorry because I made you think we could be the same again. I’m not the same girl that I was before everything went to hell sophomore year-and I knew that, but I thought I could go back. But the bus crash made me realize that I can’t. I have to deal with things my way, and your way doesn’t work for me anymore. We just don’t understand each other.”
“Veronica, please…”
“I’m sorry,” she said again, before going to her car and heading for home.
Buh-bye, Donut.
~*~*~*~*~
In the days following, Veronica wasn’t as upset as she thought she’d be. Things were a little awkward when she saw Duncan in calculus and journalism, but otherwise, she found that she felt OK. As she grew closer to finding an answer about Jessie’s dad, Veronica thought maybe the distraction of the case had helped keep her mind off the breakup.
It was important to me to separate the breakup with Duncan from the reunion with Logan, because I didn’t want it to be an either/or situation. She didn’t break up with Duncan just because she loves Logan (although she does, but she hasn’t realized it yet)-she broke up with him because he doesn’t understand her. It would have happened regardless of the Logan situation.
Also, I didn’t want to include any discussion of Duncan in the Logan/Veronica reunion scenes (buzzkill!). With the Duncan breakup having occurred a few days earlier, we can just assume that Logan heard about it through the Neptune High grapevine, so he already knows by the time Veronica shows up at his door.
But when she listened to Ed Doyle’s mistress tell Jessie about having missed the opportunity to be with the man she loved, Veronica felt a charge up her spine-a moment of epiphany.
VMVO quotage!
The image that popped into her mind wasn’t that of the boy she broke up with a few days before, but rather the boy she’d left months earlier. One boy had wanted her to be someone she used to be; the other had wanted her exactly as she was now.
After she dropped Jessie off later that evening, she turned her car in the direction of the Echolls estate before she could talk herself out of it.
Veronica pulled up in the front drive, guessing that Logan probably didn’t hang out in the pool house anymore, and knocked on the front door. After waiting a few moments, she pounded again.
“Logan! Your car is here. I know you’re home, and I’m not leaving!”
The door finally flew open to reveal a scowling Logan. “Fuck-I have got to figure out how to change the security code on the front gate,” he said, leaning his elbow against the door frame with a dramatic sigh.
Well, hello, Defensive!Logan. Nice to see that your walls are back up again.
Also, in the episode where she discovers Logan’s affair with Kendall, she storms right into the house, so presumably, he never changed the code even though Veronica knows it.
“You can stop pretending that you hate me, Logan,” Veronica said. “Your cover has been blown.”
“So I was glad you didn’t plummet to your death. I’m not a complete asshole, you know,” he replied, narrowing his eyes at her. “Besides, why do you care? You hate me.”
I think he really believes this, which is why he’s so nasty to her in the first half of season 2. He thinks she hates him and wants her to believe the feeling is mutual.
“That’s not true.”
“Really? Is throwing someone out of your home and then jumping his best friend’s bones a sign of affection on your home planet?”
Veronica took a deep breath. “I didn’t hate you.” She spoke slowly and evenly, hoping the conversation wouldn’t turn into a fight. “I was…afraid of you.”
Logan raised an eyebrow. “Oh. Well, that makes me feel much better. Thanks for stopping by.”
He swung the door to close it, but Veronica stuck her foot in the jamb, pushing the door back open and following him into the hall.
Invading someone’s space? Not a problem for Veronica. She will not be ignored!
“Will you just listen to me?” she called as she listened to his bare feet shuffle across the tiled floor.
Veronica jogged after Logan and found him at the bottom of the staircase. “You’re not going to leave until I do,” he said when he turned and saw the look on her face. He folded his arms defensively. “Fine-go on.”
Too long! Click here for the rest.