The LA Power Outage...a few weeks ago
******Found this on a guys journal and found it pretty funny and witty :o)
Hollywood Power Outage Sends City Into Chaos
No electricity for 26 minutes. 'This is our Tsunami.'
By Joshua Gates. Actor, Photographer. Victim.
LOS ANGELES, CA, September 12, 2005 - Horror and
disbelief swept through the greater Hollywood area
this afternoon as a minor power-outage turned the city
into a virtual war zone, and local residents struggled
to deal with the devastating aftermath.
The outage struck at 1:35 PM, during L.A.'s busy
afternoon coffee and Pilates rush hour. Traffic
lights fell dark, local gyms and sushi restaurants
were without power for nearly 30 minutes and many
businesses were illuminated only by the light of the
sun and its blistering 78 degree heat. "It was
horrible," said out of work actor and voice-over
artist Rick Shea. "I was in a Jamba Juice on Melrose
when it, hit and the blenders simply shut down. A
woman lunged for my Berry Lime Sublime and after that,
well, it got pretty ugly."
In the ensuing panic, local radio stations broadcasted
conflicting reports as to exactly which local
businesses would be offering relief supplies. Almost
100 people flocked to the Starbucks at Santa Monica
and La Brea only to find helpless baristas, no hot
coffee and a totally meager selection of baked goods.
"My mother is 83 years old, and we heard on the radio
that this Starbucks was going to be up and running.
If she doesn't get a venti Arabian _Mocha Sanani, I
don't know what's going to happen to her; I really
don't." said Lucinda Merino of Los Feliz. To make
matters worse, those few people who did manage to get
coffee were further thwarted by a total lack of
artificial sweeteners on site. "Sugar in the Raw?
Are you friggin' kidding me?" sobbed local homosexual
and avid salsa dancer, Enrique Santoro. "I'm on the
South Beach Diet, and my insulin levels are going to
go crazy if I use this. Why isn't the rest of the
country doing something?"
Deteriorating conditions will force authorities to
evacuate the thousands of people at local Quiznos,
movie theaters and upscale shopping centers, including
The Beverly Center, where a policeman told CNN that
unrest was escalating. The officer expressed concern
that the situation could worsen overnight after
patrons defaced multiple "So You Think you Can Dance"
posters, looted a Baby Gap and demanded free makeovers
en masse at a MAC cosmetics store during the
afternoon.
At least 2,000 refugees, a majority of them beautiful,
will travel in a bus convoy to Beverly Hills starting
this evening and will be sheltered at the 8-year-old
Spago on North Canon where soft omelettes with confit
bacon and Hudson Valley foie gras was being airlifted
in by The National Guard. Thank heavens.
Honorary Mayor of Hollywood, Johnny Grant, told a
group of embedded reporters at a Koo Koo Roo Chicken
restaurant on Larchmont that, "The scope and scale of
this disaster is almost too much to comprehend.
Local carwashes are at a stand-still, the tram tour at
Universal Studios has been on hold for almost an hour
now, and I've been waiting for a rotisserie leg and
thigh with a side of green beans for upwards of 15
minutes. This truly is our Tsunami."
"We want to accommodate those people suffering in The
Beverly Center as quickly as possible for the simple
reason that they have been through a horrible ordeal,"
Grant said.
"We need water. We need edamame. We need low-carb
bread," said Martha Owens, 49, who was one of the
thousands trapped in The Beverly Center when the
escalators stopped moving. "They need to start sending
somebody through here."
Along miles of coastline, the power simply surged,
causing writers to lose upwards of a page of original
screenplay material, causing DirecTV service to work
only intermittently and forcing local residents to
walk outside and look helplessly at the breathtaking
Pacific from their ocean view decks. "I can hardly
begin to put this experience into words," said
seasoned Two and a Half Men writer John Edlestein .
"I was just getting into my rhythm and making some
real headway on a scene where Charlie Sheen parties
with a busload of female volleyball players, when my
Power Book crapped out. I have nothing. Simply,
nothing."
Delivering his weekly radio address live from the
White House, President Bush announced he was deploying
more than 7,000 additional active-duty troops to the
region. He comforted victims and praised relief
workers.
"But despite their best efforts, the magnitude of
responding to a crisis over a disaster area this sunny
and trendy has created tremendous problems," he said.
"The result is that many of our citizens simply are
not getting the help they need, especially in the
Hollywood Hills, and that is unacceptable."
"Southern Californians are resilient. I have no doubt
they will bounce back like this never happened,"
professed Cellulite Reduction Specialist, Kim
Bellevue. "The therapy sessions could reach an all
time high though."
Hollywood Power Outage Sends City Into Chaos
No electricity for 26 minutes. 'This is our Tsunami.'
By Joshua Gates. Actor, Photographer. Victim.
LOS ANGELES, CA, September 12, 2005 - Horror and
disbelief swept through the greater Hollywood area
this afternoon as a minor power-outage turned the city
into a virtual war zone, and local residents struggled
to deal with the devastating aftermath.
The outage struck at 1:35 PM, during L.A.'s busy
afternoon coffee and Pilates rush hour. Traffic
lights fell dark, local gyms and sushi restaurants
were without power for nearly 30 minutes and many
businesses were illuminated only by the light of the
sun and its blistering 78 degree heat. "It was
horrible," said out of work actor and voice-over
artist Rick Shea. "I was in a Jamba Juice on Melrose
when it, hit and the blenders simply shut down. A
woman lunged for my Berry Lime Sublime and after that,
well, it got pretty ugly."
In the ensuing panic, local radio stations broadcasted
conflicting reports as to exactly which local
businesses would be offering relief supplies. Almost
100 people flocked to the Starbucks at Santa Monica
and La Brea only to find helpless baristas, no hot
coffee and a totally meager selection of baked goods.
"My mother is 83 years old, and we heard on the radio
that this Starbucks was going to be up and running.
If she doesn't get a venti Arabian _Mocha Sanani, I
don't know what's going to happen to her; I really
don't." said Lucinda Merino of Los Feliz. To make
matters worse, those few people who did manage to get
coffee were further thwarted by a total lack of
artificial sweeteners on site. "Sugar in the Raw?
Are you friggin' kidding me?" sobbed local homosexual
and avid salsa dancer, Enrique Santoro. "I'm on the
South Beach Diet, and my insulin levels are going to
go crazy if I use this. Why isn't the rest of the
country doing something?"
Deteriorating conditions will force authorities to
evacuate the thousands of people at local Quiznos,
movie theaters and upscale shopping centers, including
The Beverly Center, where a policeman told CNN that
unrest was escalating. The officer expressed concern
that the situation could worsen overnight after
patrons defaced multiple "So You Think you Can Dance"
posters, looted a Baby Gap and demanded free makeovers
en masse at a MAC cosmetics store during the
afternoon.
At least 2,000 refugees, a majority of them beautiful,
will travel in a bus convoy to Beverly Hills starting
this evening and will be sheltered at the 8-year-old
Spago on North Canon where soft omelettes with confit
bacon and Hudson Valley foie gras was being airlifted
in by The National Guard. Thank heavens.
Honorary Mayor of Hollywood, Johnny Grant, told a
group of embedded reporters at a Koo Koo Roo Chicken
restaurant on Larchmont that, "The scope and scale of
this disaster is almost too much to comprehend.
Local carwashes are at a stand-still, the tram tour at
Universal Studios has been on hold for almost an hour
now, and I've been waiting for a rotisserie leg and
thigh with a side of green beans for upwards of 15
minutes. This truly is our Tsunami."
"We want to accommodate those people suffering in The
Beverly Center as quickly as possible for the simple
reason that they have been through a horrible ordeal,"
Grant said.
"We need water. We need edamame. We need low-carb
bread," said Martha Owens, 49, who was one of the
thousands trapped in The Beverly Center when the
escalators stopped moving. "They need to start sending
somebody through here."
Along miles of coastline, the power simply surged,
causing writers to lose upwards of a page of original
screenplay material, causing DirecTV service to work
only intermittently and forcing local residents to
walk outside and look helplessly at the breathtaking
Pacific from their ocean view decks. "I can hardly
begin to put this experience into words," said
seasoned Two and a Half Men writer John Edlestein .
"I was just getting into my rhythm and making some
real headway on a scene where Charlie Sheen parties
with a busload of female volleyball players, when my
Power Book crapped out. I have nothing. Simply,
nothing."
Delivering his weekly radio address live from the
White House, President Bush announced he was deploying
more than 7,000 additional active-duty troops to the
region. He comforted victims and praised relief
workers.
"But despite their best efforts, the magnitude of
responding to a crisis over a disaster area this sunny
and trendy has created tremendous problems," he said.
"The result is that many of our citizens simply are
not getting the help they need, especially in the
Hollywood Hills, and that is unacceptable."
"Southern Californians are resilient. I have no doubt
they will bounce back like this never happened,"
professed Cellulite Reduction Specialist, Kim
Bellevue. "The therapy sessions could reach an all
time high though."