Well

[celtae]

Been a while since I've been here. A lot has happened, some of it good, some of it bad, some of it simply - there. The children were really sick, in particular the baby. Taking that precious gift to the hospital and holding her down while they searched in her hand for a vein was the most traumatic thing I think I've ever done. I knew it was necessary, I knew she needed the fluids, and all I wanted to to was shove the technician away and protect my baby. I was so frightened for her, and yet - I didn't want her to be hurt anymore. Surely, I kept saying to myself, the worst is over, she can begin to drink something now and hold it down...she can't need this. And yet, I knew she did. I could see the dehydration, see the sparkle gone from her eyes, see her cry without tears because fluid had become so precious to her body that it couldn't spare any moisture.

I can't seem to find the heart to tell her "no" for anything now that she's better.

So much to do for the dance studio, time is running short, and I'm tired. No time for writing, and I feel as though my words and ideas are slowly fading away from lack of use, lack of air. I should find the time to get at least a few words down a day - but sometimes I can barely find the time to breathe. I tell myself that it will be better, when this huge performance is over with, the costumes are completed, the choreography done...then things will return to normal.

If there is such a thing as "normal".