(no subject)
so work was boring as all get out today.. i got to decorate a christmas tree though =).. yea its early but still fun..
even as much as i deny it, i think im beginning to like taylor too much.. when i met him i thought, this is great.. he has a girlfriend, i wont have to worry about it getting serious at all because we know how spectacular zoe is at relationships or serious anything.. i thought it would ensure that i wouldnt like him on more than just an oh hes hot and neat level.. but he is totally one of the greatest guys ive met, he does what he wants to in life, he always has innovative new ideas on things i never even begin to think about, and hes not afraid to be different.. i dont feel inhibited being around him and i never feel like hes judging me even when i say and do totally weird off the wall things.. but the thing is when he's around me i feel like some kind of electricity has been shot through me.. yeah maybe im fucking crazy and thats the reason why i should avoid him.. it will never go anywhere and its so shitty because i want so bad to be just his friend but i cant deny that i feel more than that.. im just so torn, i want to just say okay i cant talk to him anymore because its gotten to be too much for me but is that really what i should do? does that make me even better off? and i wish so bad that i could talk to him but what right do i have to say anything anyway, he has a girlfriend whom he loves and i know this and have known it all along.. am i just a fuct up mess because i shouldnt have gotten into it in the first place? one time he said he felt bad because he felt like he was leading me on.. i told him i didnt have any disillusions about what sort of relatedness him and i had and i still dont.. i know the level we have and the level it will be but it doesnt stop me from liking him.. argh.. and im totally paranoid that if he reads this it may ruin any kind of friendship that we have but i cant keep on denying it to myself and everyone else..
fyi.. everyone watch the lunar eclipse tonight..
"cross your heart and live to die"
even as much as i deny it, i think im beginning to like taylor too much.. when i met him i thought, this is great.. he has a girlfriend, i wont have to worry about it getting serious at all because we know how spectacular zoe is at relationships or serious anything.. i thought it would ensure that i wouldnt like him on more than just an oh hes hot and neat level.. but he is totally one of the greatest guys ive met, he does what he wants to in life, he always has innovative new ideas on things i never even begin to think about, and hes not afraid to be different.. i dont feel inhibited being around him and i never feel like hes judging me even when i say and do totally weird off the wall things.. but the thing is when he's around me i feel like some kind of electricity has been shot through me.. yeah maybe im fucking crazy and thats the reason why i should avoid him.. it will never go anywhere and its so shitty because i want so bad to be just his friend but i cant deny that i feel more than that.. im just so torn, i want to just say okay i cant talk to him anymore because its gotten to be too much for me but is that really what i should do? does that make me even better off? and i wish so bad that i could talk to him but what right do i have to say anything anyway, he has a girlfriend whom he loves and i know this and have known it all along.. am i just a fuct up mess because i shouldnt have gotten into it in the first place? one time he said he felt bad because he felt like he was leading me on.. i told him i didnt have any disillusions about what sort of relatedness him and i had and i still dont.. i know the level we have and the level it will be but it doesnt stop me from liking him.. argh.. and im totally paranoid that if he reads this it may ruin any kind of friendship that we have but i cant keep on denying it to myself and everyone else..
fyi.. everyone watch the lunar eclipse tonight..
"cross your heart and live to die"