What thinking on an empty stomach will do to you...
So it hit me today that maybe I'm not living? I mean, no shit, I'm alive. But am I living? Reading peoples livejournals and such has showed me that I really don't have any goals. People write down like, things they want to do during the summer, things they want to accomplish in life, and I can't even figure out what to eat for breakfast in the morning. Why can't I get it all together?
I know the type of person I want to be. I know the kind of guy I'm looking for. People seem to know what career they want to follow, how successful the want to be, and where they'll be twenty years from now.
The only thing I know about my future? I want to be as good of a mother as my mom is. My only goal in life is to be a mother. If thats the only career I have, I will be satisfied.
Look at me, the feminist, who goes to a women's college, who is so independant... And all I want to do is fall in love and raise children. Well, getting married goes in between those two hopefully... but you get the point.
I'm going to college in an age where women are expected to want to do more with their lives. It's not uncommon to hear about women being more successful than their husbands and women working full time while their husband stays at home. Ever since the women's rights movement, our status in society has been elevated, our opinions are accepted more, and we are being taken seriously.
And while I love this, there is a side of me, maybe because of the memory of my grandmother, that thinks all the movement did was create a species of half-women. Before you get defensive, let me explain.
With the movement came a new breed of woman. It became acceptable for women to smoke, to get drunk, to wear trousers, to swear and carry on in public. Women became hurried and hassled, working in an office and then coming home to finish what is left of the chores, barely having times to actually see their children or husband. And while I am mostly guilty of these 'crimes', it does make me think.
My grandmother was a true woman. Not just a woman, a lady. She woke up every morning and put on a smile, a skirt, and a pair of high-heels. Even in her nightgown she looked clean and put together. She raised seven amazing children, cleaned the three-story house they lived in, took care of the daily housechores, and at the end of it all, managed to put an amazing meal on the table each night.
My grandmother believed in the finer things in life, both externally and internally. Outward appearance to her was a reflection of the true person on the inside. When serving dinner, she never placed pots or pans on the table, but scooped the food into serving trays and platters. While this might not sound like a big deal, I think it lends itself to an older, happier way of living.
Internally, she was the picture of faith, love, and dedication. How she found time to keep her faith alive and well while also finding time to do everything else in her life, I will never know. But she did, and she did so with amazing love and dedication to herself and to others.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is that is what I aspire to be. I want to be a woman, a true woman, with the dignity and loyalty to husband and family. To truly live to please my family, myself, and my God. So while I might not know where I will be in ten years, or what my college education will get me, I do know that I will try, with everything that is in me, to be a true woman.
I know the type of person I want to be. I know the kind of guy I'm looking for. People seem to know what career they want to follow, how successful the want to be, and where they'll be twenty years from now.
The only thing I know about my future? I want to be as good of a mother as my mom is. My only goal in life is to be a mother. If thats the only career I have, I will be satisfied.
Look at me, the feminist, who goes to a women's college, who is so independant... And all I want to do is fall in love and raise children. Well, getting married goes in between those two hopefully... but you get the point.
I'm going to college in an age where women are expected to want to do more with their lives. It's not uncommon to hear about women being more successful than their husbands and women working full time while their husband stays at home. Ever since the women's rights movement, our status in society has been elevated, our opinions are accepted more, and we are being taken seriously.
And while I love this, there is a side of me, maybe because of the memory of my grandmother, that thinks all the movement did was create a species of half-women. Before you get defensive, let me explain.
With the movement came a new breed of woman. It became acceptable for women to smoke, to get drunk, to wear trousers, to swear and carry on in public. Women became hurried and hassled, working in an office and then coming home to finish what is left of the chores, barely having times to actually see their children or husband. And while I am mostly guilty of these 'crimes', it does make me think.
My grandmother was a true woman. Not just a woman, a lady. She woke up every morning and put on a smile, a skirt, and a pair of high-heels. Even in her nightgown she looked clean and put together. She raised seven amazing children, cleaned the three-story house they lived in, took care of the daily housechores, and at the end of it all, managed to put an amazing meal on the table each night.
My grandmother believed in the finer things in life, both externally and internally. Outward appearance to her was a reflection of the true person on the inside. When serving dinner, she never placed pots or pans on the table, but scooped the food into serving trays and platters. While this might not sound like a big deal, I think it lends itself to an older, happier way of living.
Internally, she was the picture of faith, love, and dedication. How she found time to keep her faith alive and well while also finding time to do everything else in her life, I will never know. But she did, and she did so with amazing love and dedication to herself and to others.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is that is what I aspire to be. I want to be a woman, a true woman, with the dignity and loyalty to husband and family. To truly live to please my family, myself, and my God. So while I might not know where I will be in ten years, or what my college education will get me, I do know that I will try, with everything that is in me, to be a true woman.