(no subject)
Title: What makes a [wo]man? (part 2/?)
Author: Cello_ve
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Through Cocktail’s and up to the recent "big" spoilers regarding our favorite couple. A lot of speculation, but it is spoiler based, and a continuation of my last fic…so please take note of that.
Pairing: Michael/Jan
Disclaimer: I don't own the office, or any of its characters.
Jan’s side of ordeal
Jan stormed out of the office on shaking feet, her body paralyzed by this unfamiliar onslaught of emotion. Oblivious to the quizzical glances that the Scranton employees showered her with, oblivious to the fact that she felt unwelcome tears threaten to slide down her face…oblivious to the fact that she…feels.
She pressed the button to open the elevator doors when she suddenly remembered a conversation she shared with Michael a little over a year ago. Amidst her grief, she could not help but smile at his juvenile antics, his longing for her, his need for her acceptance that now seemed non-existent. She couldn’t help but notice one painfully obvious difference between the two scenarios; this time as she waited for the elevator, he wasn’t running after her.
The elevator doors sprang to life, interrupting her jumbled thoughts and painful memories She exited the building and sought out her two greatest stress relievers. She lit up a cigarette, reached for her phone, and hit the speed dial button for Dr. Perry.
“Hello?”
“Hello Dr. Perry, this is Jan.”
The air hung heavy with awkward silence as Jan struggled for the words to say, the words to convey her shock and as much as she hated admitting this to herself…her bruised ego.
“Jan are you still there? Is everything okay? It’s fine; I’m not pressed for time. Where are you at?”
“Scranton.” Jan whispered almost hesitantly.
“Oh.” Dr. Perry replied, her voice filled with understanding.
Jan had been seeing Dr. Perry for roughly five years now. She had helped her through her greatest trials, through the dissolution of her marriage with Gould, her identity theft, and her predicted divorce with the man she never learned how to love. Then again, with Michael, she should know by now that you should never learn to love, it should just come about effortless-ly. Damn him. She’d never learn how to shake him from her mind…his thoughts fused with hers so quickly it scared the hell out of her. She was now spitting out “that’s what she said’s” with uncomfortable ease.
One demon that Dr. Perry had not exercised out of Jan, however, was her fear of attachment and her lack of intimacy. Perhaps it was because Jan had not allowed her to do so, not allowed her to see into the greatest shame of her life, her only self-inflicted failure. She knew she was unsure of who she was. She knew that. She had fought too hard...for too long in a male dominated corporate society and in doing so crippled her own femininity. She was a fragilely stern corporate mastermind who toed the border between who she thought she should be and who she was in reality. Toed that border with polished Jimmy Chu’s and a perfect pedicure. That was who Jan knew how to be.
“Was this about business or about Michael?”
“Both.” As hard as that was to admit for Jan, it could never just be business with him, never again. She couldn’t even look at his hands without remembering how good they felt on her bare skin, how they made her want him to remind her of that sensation every second she was in his office. She couldn’t look at his hair without feeling the powerful urge to run her manicured fingers through it while enveloping him in a passionate kiss. Business is always personal, and she couldn’t look at Michael without wanting to forget about the business.
“Jan, it would be best if you could tell me what happened, so I can try to interpret if you have made any progress in the eradication of your self destructive tendencies, via indulgence.”
And Jan did. Jan told her the whole goddamn story. Well maybe not the entire story. She left out the fact that she felt a sharp pain in her chest every time she inhaled and could not get his stupid (adorable) grin out of her throbbing head. She left out the fact that Michael made her feel more alive than she had felt in her entire life. She didn’t mention that she just realized that she, Jan Levinson, cold and guarded, was now falling for the warm, socially misunderstood Michael Scott.
This startling recognition helped clear the lump in Jan’s throat as she continued to gather her thoughts.
“Are you relieved?”
“Excuse me?”
“Are you happy Jan, that you are no longer associated with the man you just described as the parasite to your career? If what you tell me is entirely true, it seems like your making progress in the fact that you managed to indulge your sexual attraction to Michael without getting hurt”
“I suppose so.” It was those three words that made Jan realize that she could not receive the closure she needed from Dr. Perry, or from anyone in fact…anyone other than Michael. Her realizing that she did indulge her attraction to Michael, while knowing the entire time that what she felt for him was not only a sensation between her legs, but in her soul as well. Those three words that contradicted her entire reality gave her the push she needed that she was finally ready to give a telling three words back to Michael.
God help her, she loved Michael Scott.
She expertly avoided further questioning from Dr. Perry, and abruptly ended the conversation after many promises that she was indeed okay. Jan, now nearly an hour away from Scranton, turned her silver Volvo around on the freeway in a very illegal U-turn. After all, she always said that if it didn’t scare her it wasn’t worth doing.
She rubbed her temples with her left hand as her right hung loosely over the steering wheel. Her mind was racing, her thoughts a river of incoherent possibilities of what the hell she would say to Michael. Would he forgive her? She never meant to hurt him, she really didn’t, in a way she thought she was protecting him…protecting him from her. In the back of her mind, committing fully to him seemed to be an impossibility, but whenever she stared into his expressive, sensitive eyes, she felt a little bit of her guard wearing down. As much as she hated to admit defeat, Michael had completely beaten all of her defenses without even trying.
She didn’t know how to fix this, or even what she would say to him. However she did know that she was falling, and she’d be damned if she hit the ground. He wanted her, all of her, in a way no other man in her life ever had, and that was insanely appealing to her. He made her feel like a woman, not a corporate robot molded by the hands of her male superiors. She was ready, terrified… but ready to give a little (lot) more of herself to him.
And in regards to the cuddling?
Well Jan would have to see how the sex went first, and knowing them, it wouldn’t be half bad.
;]
TBC
Author: Cello_ve
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Through Cocktail’s and up to the recent "big" spoilers regarding our favorite couple. A lot of speculation, but it is spoiler based, and a continuation of my last fic…so please take note of that.
Pairing: Michael/Jan
Disclaimer: I don't own the office, or any of its characters.
Jan’s side of ordeal
Jan stormed out of the office on shaking feet, her body paralyzed by this unfamiliar onslaught of emotion. Oblivious to the quizzical glances that the Scranton employees showered her with, oblivious to the fact that she felt unwelcome tears threaten to slide down her face…oblivious to the fact that she…feels.
She pressed the button to open the elevator doors when she suddenly remembered a conversation she shared with Michael a little over a year ago. Amidst her grief, she could not help but smile at his juvenile antics, his longing for her, his need for her acceptance that now seemed non-existent. She couldn’t help but notice one painfully obvious difference between the two scenarios; this time as she waited for the elevator, he wasn’t running after her.
The elevator doors sprang to life, interrupting her jumbled thoughts and painful memories She exited the building and sought out her two greatest stress relievers. She lit up a cigarette, reached for her phone, and hit the speed dial button for Dr. Perry.
“Hello?”
“Hello Dr. Perry, this is Jan.”
The air hung heavy with awkward silence as Jan struggled for the words to say, the words to convey her shock and as much as she hated admitting this to herself…her bruised ego.
“Jan are you still there? Is everything okay? It’s fine; I’m not pressed for time. Where are you at?”
“Scranton.” Jan whispered almost hesitantly.
“Oh.” Dr. Perry replied, her voice filled with understanding.
Jan had been seeing Dr. Perry for roughly five years now. She had helped her through her greatest trials, through the dissolution of her marriage with Gould, her identity theft, and her predicted divorce with the man she never learned how to love. Then again, with Michael, she should know by now that you should never learn to love, it should just come about effortless-ly. Damn him. She’d never learn how to shake him from her mind…his thoughts fused with hers so quickly it scared the hell out of her. She was now spitting out “that’s what she said’s” with uncomfortable ease.
One demon that Dr. Perry had not exercised out of Jan, however, was her fear of attachment and her lack of intimacy. Perhaps it was because Jan had not allowed her to do so, not allowed her to see into the greatest shame of her life, her only self-inflicted failure. She knew she was unsure of who she was. She knew that. She had fought too hard...for too long in a male dominated corporate society and in doing so crippled her own femininity. She was a fragilely stern corporate mastermind who toed the border between who she thought she should be and who she was in reality. Toed that border with polished Jimmy Chu’s and a perfect pedicure. That was who Jan knew how to be.
“Was this about business or about Michael?”
“Both.” As hard as that was to admit for Jan, it could never just be business with him, never again. She couldn’t even look at his hands without remembering how good they felt on her bare skin, how they made her want him to remind her of that sensation every second she was in his office. She couldn’t look at his hair without feeling the powerful urge to run her manicured fingers through it while enveloping him in a passionate kiss. Business is always personal, and she couldn’t look at Michael without wanting to forget about the business.
“Jan, it would be best if you could tell me what happened, so I can try to interpret if you have made any progress in the eradication of your self destructive tendencies, via indulgence.”
And Jan did. Jan told her the whole goddamn story. Well maybe not the entire story. She left out the fact that she felt a sharp pain in her chest every time she inhaled and could not get his stupid (adorable) grin out of her throbbing head. She left out the fact that Michael made her feel more alive than she had felt in her entire life. She didn’t mention that she just realized that she, Jan Levinson, cold and guarded, was now falling for the warm, socially misunderstood Michael Scott.
This startling recognition helped clear the lump in Jan’s throat as she continued to gather her thoughts.
“Are you relieved?”
“Excuse me?”
“Are you happy Jan, that you are no longer associated with the man you just described as the parasite to your career? If what you tell me is entirely true, it seems like your making progress in the fact that you managed to indulge your sexual attraction to Michael without getting hurt”
“I suppose so.” It was those three words that made Jan realize that she could not receive the closure she needed from Dr. Perry, or from anyone in fact…anyone other than Michael. Her realizing that she did indulge her attraction to Michael, while knowing the entire time that what she felt for him was not only a sensation between her legs, but in her soul as well. Those three words that contradicted her entire reality gave her the push she needed that she was finally ready to give a telling three words back to Michael.
God help her, she loved Michael Scott.
She expertly avoided further questioning from Dr. Perry, and abruptly ended the conversation after many promises that she was indeed okay. Jan, now nearly an hour away from Scranton, turned her silver Volvo around on the freeway in a very illegal U-turn. After all, she always said that if it didn’t scare her it wasn’t worth doing.
She rubbed her temples with her left hand as her right hung loosely over the steering wheel. Her mind was racing, her thoughts a river of incoherent possibilities of what the hell she would say to Michael. Would he forgive her? She never meant to hurt him, she really didn’t, in a way she thought she was protecting him…protecting him from her. In the back of her mind, committing fully to him seemed to be an impossibility, but whenever she stared into his expressive, sensitive eyes, she felt a little bit of her guard wearing down. As much as she hated to admit defeat, Michael had completely beaten all of her defenses without even trying.
She didn’t know how to fix this, or even what she would say to him. However she did know that she was falling, and she’d be damned if she hit the ground. He wanted her, all of her, in a way no other man in her life ever had, and that was insanely appealing to her. He made her feel like a woman, not a corporate robot molded by the hands of her male superiors. She was ready, terrified… but ready to give a little (lot) more of herself to him.
And in regards to the cuddling?
Well Jan would have to see how the sex went first, and knowing them, it wouldn’t be half bad.
;]
TBC