sound
Well, it has taken 8 months, but it appears that I have finally, finally found a sound. Not my voice like I was looking for before - that is too complex too just find. Your musical voice is something that is constantly changing and evolving, and is flexible enough to change with whatever color you might choose to represent... which coincidentally, also defines your voice - what colors you paint your sound with. Now the sound, however, is the gold at the end of this rainbow.
After a very difficult break including not practicing and working too much, getting back to the cello has not happened how I wanted it too. This week I'm actually going downtown to see a Performing Arts doctor-specialist about my back and everything in general. It's time to get down to business, and find out if this is permanent damage, merely a lack of core strength, or both.
Back to sound - while I have been having these difficulties of getting back to the cello, it has involved a lot of self-examination of what I am doing playing the cello, and my commitment to it. Which is also why I am going to see a doctor - it is time to set everything straight and give myself a chance at this. If I keep having things like difficult food allergies and back pain weighing me down, I'm not really giving this a go, am I? Not when I can sort these issues out. After the lecture lesson that inspired all of these, I had a very good lesson the following week - yesterday.
Balderston had been pushing sound the whole lesson - ignoring my intonation and accuracy problems, really - which is smart considering I am obviously not back up to speed on all of that just quite yet. Finally, after playing some Haydn D for him, and him continuing to work with me, it happened. I always feel like I truly am trying what he is telling me - that I am actively giving these ideas a go. But this was the first time I heard such an incredibly radical difference. It was so startling, that I was left thinking how on earth was I settling for such a crap sound before?! Honestly. The comparison is ridiculous - it's like comparing meat-loaf to filet mignon. Sure, you might like meat-loaf, and think it's pretty good - but once you've had filet mignon, you sure as hell know better.
And let me tell you - filet mignon sound is just addictive, and intoxicating. It just makes you feel incredible to produce this glorious sound. I can't help but also think of the word powerful - you feel powerful to achieve such a sound.
Now when I made this sound, I knew - this was what I had been looking for. I've been looking for something - trying to do something with the cello, but I had lately just been pretty lost. I might have created a tone similar to this in the past, but I promise you - it was an accident, and a fluke. I think I now understand how and why this sound is created, and what it feels like to actually produce it.
Armed with this sound, I don't know what's going to happen - just that it's going to be great. In my lecture-lesson, Balderston said something that really encouraged me when I was trying to explain what I thought I wanted to do with the cello - he said I didn't really know what I was capable of yet. It threw me aback, but he was right. I have no understanding of where I could go - I may think I'm destined to be in an orchestra somewhere, but who is to say I won't be a soloist? There is nothing that says I can't.
With this sound, anything goes.
In other news, in the past 8 months I've held a steady job at Eddie Bauer (full time in the summer - yuck), moved into an apartment in Chicago with a fellow music student, decorated said apartment just to my taste I didn't even know I had, started my sophomore year of college, had a relationship with a violinist 9 years older than me from Monaco, ended a relationship with said man, learned a lot about life, and also realized I have so much more to learn. You really can't know where you are going to go in life - or control it, for that matter. It's time for me to set myself into this cello-thing, and wait to see where the ride will take me.
I might even like it. :)
-l
After a very difficult break including not practicing and working too much, getting back to the cello has not happened how I wanted it too. This week I'm actually going downtown to see a Performing Arts doctor-specialist about my back and everything in general. It's time to get down to business, and find out if this is permanent damage, merely a lack of core strength, or both.
Back to sound - while I have been having these difficulties of getting back to the cello, it has involved a lot of self-examination of what I am doing playing the cello, and my commitment to it. Which is also why I am going to see a doctor - it is time to set everything straight and give myself a chance at this. If I keep having things like difficult food allergies and back pain weighing me down, I'm not really giving this a go, am I? Not when I can sort these issues out. After the lecture lesson that inspired all of these, I had a very good lesson the following week - yesterday.
Balderston had been pushing sound the whole lesson - ignoring my intonation and accuracy problems, really - which is smart considering I am obviously not back up to speed on all of that just quite yet. Finally, after playing some Haydn D for him, and him continuing to work with me, it happened. I always feel like I truly am trying what he is telling me - that I am actively giving these ideas a go. But this was the first time I heard such an incredibly radical difference. It was so startling, that I was left thinking how on earth was I settling for such a crap sound before?! Honestly. The comparison is ridiculous - it's like comparing meat-loaf to filet mignon. Sure, you might like meat-loaf, and think it's pretty good - but once you've had filet mignon, you sure as hell know better.
And let me tell you - filet mignon sound is just addictive, and intoxicating. It just makes you feel incredible to produce this glorious sound. I can't help but also think of the word powerful - you feel powerful to achieve such a sound.
Now when I made this sound, I knew - this was what I had been looking for. I've been looking for something - trying to do something with the cello, but I had lately just been pretty lost. I might have created a tone similar to this in the past, but I promise you - it was an accident, and a fluke. I think I now understand how and why this sound is created, and what it feels like to actually produce it.
Armed with this sound, I don't know what's going to happen - just that it's going to be great. In my lecture-lesson, Balderston said something that really encouraged me when I was trying to explain what I thought I wanted to do with the cello - he said I didn't really know what I was capable of yet. It threw me aback, but he was right. I have no understanding of where I could go - I may think I'm destined to be in an orchestra somewhere, but who is to say I won't be a soloist? There is nothing that says I can't.
With this sound, anything goes.
In other news, in the past 8 months I've held a steady job at Eddie Bauer (full time in the summer - yuck), moved into an apartment in Chicago with a fellow music student, decorated said apartment just to my taste I didn't even know I had, started my sophomore year of college, had a relationship with a violinist 9 years older than me from Monaco, ended a relationship with said man, learned a lot about life, and also realized I have so much more to learn. You really can't know where you are going to go in life - or control it, for that matter. It's time for me to set myself into this cello-thing, and wait to see where the ride will take me.
I might even like it. :)
-l