Vayeira: And Avraham Arose Early
I gave (approximately) this d'var torah back in October for Parshat Vayeira, Genesis 18-22, but it took me this long to get around to cleaning it up for publication. (Specifically, I had to "vague-ify" some references; there are details I'm willing to share "live" with 30 or so friends that I'm not willing to publish for posterity to the Internet, y'know?)
Vayashkem Avraham baboker -- and Avraham arose early in the morning. The torah tells us this three times, all in Parshat Vayeira -- three times that Avraham hastened not for a pleasant reason but due to a struggle.
First, after extended strife between his people and Lot's, Avraham and his nephew parted ways. Lot, given his choice of the whole land, settled in the wicked city of S'dom. Avraham rescued him once afterward, when S'dom was looted in battle, and we don't hear of further contact between them. Did Avraham at that point take the simpler path, avoiding a struggle with his kinsman instead of continuing to try to influence him? It's tempting, and not necessarily wrong -- I think of disagreeable people in my life who I've simply walked away from, because it's not worth the trouble to keep trying. I assume that happens to all of us.
But some ties aren't easily broken, particularly ones where people were previously close. God tells Avraham of his plans for S'dom and accepts some haggling over numbers, but the events are set in motion. Vayashkem Avraham baboker -- Avraham got up early in the morning to watch what would happen, saw the destruction of Lot's city -- and perhaps wondered what happened to Lot, who exits the story soon afterward.
Avraham avoided a struggle for good reasons, and as a result may never have learned that Lot didn't perish in S'dom but was still alive. This is a natural consequence of avoiding a problem; we may lose out on something later that would comfort us. Insulation works in both directions; when we need to protect ourselves we also make ourselves less open to positive changes.
* * *
Vayashkem Avraham baboker -- Avraham arose early in the morning to expel his son Yishmael and his mother Hagar. Poor Avraham. He followed Sarah's instructions and had a child with Hagar in pursuit of destiny. He did everything to cooperate, to heed his wife, to pursue shalom bayit -- and then, once she had a child of her own, the strife began... strife between the children and strife between their mothers, with Avraham caught in the middle.
When do we step into someone else's fight and try to bring peace? Am I being a busy-body if I do? Am I being cold and aloof if I don't? Just recently I learned that someone I'm close to is near her wit's end dealing with someone else I'm close to -- do I step in and try to get each of them to see their own part in the fight? Can I bring them together, or will I just make it a three-way struggle? Is it better to bow out, or do I just want it to be because that seems easier?
Avraham bowed out, preserving his marriage at the cost of the less-wanted son -- a terrible choice to have to make. And it seems like he was in such a hurry to get it over with that he didn't think it through -- Avraham, rich beyond words, who could have easily set them up in another home, sends them out into the wilderness with... a loaf of bread and a skin of water. If I do step into someone else's struggle and choose sides, am I at risk of not seeing it through, of not fulfilling my obligations to both of them? What do I owe the person who is almost certainly in the wrong as I support the one who is almost certainly in the right? Do I owe both more than provisions for one day of a journey?
* * *
Vayashkem Avraham baboker -- Avraham received a divine command, and this was his response. No arguing this time, no questioning, and certainly not a word of explanation to either Sarah or Yitzchak on that fateful day. Avraham didn't stuggle with God at all this time -- his strife was internal. For three days he and Yitzchak and the servant-boys and the donkey loaded with firewood -- but no lamb -- walked in silence to Mount Moriah. What must have been going on in his head all that time? In Yitzchak's?
I think about my own inner struggles, the things so personal or so confusing that I don't even want to share them with those closest to me, and I wonder if I should. Sharing is dangerous -- telling Sarah about the true purpose of their journey could not have ended well. But not telling her didn't end well either -- the midrash tells us that Sarah died on hearing the news, alone and uncomforted. And not telling Yitzchak didn't work out well either. Yitzchak left the mountain and settled elsewhere; we don't know that Avraham ever spoke with him again, and Yitzchak grew up to be the weak link in the trio of patriarchs, distant from both his father and one of his sons.
It's easy to clam up and not share. Often it's the right thing to do. But other times, sharing could relieve pain or open the door to a much-needed conversation. Knowing which it will be is hard -- that's the struggle before the struggle, to figure out whether and how to engage and whom to involve.
* * *
Vayashkem Avraham baboker -- to watch calamity involving kin, to hasten to end a family conflict, to carry out a horrifying command from God -- all hard choices with no clear right answers. But maybe it is enough if it prompts us to ask what we arise early in the morning to do -- to what do we hasten? Am I engaging in a struggle or avoiding one? Should I be? Have I thought it through?
Sometimes there are no answers, only questions -- but struggling with the question to find an answer may be more important than the answer itself.
Vayashkem Avraham baboker -- and Avraham arose early in the morning. The torah tells us this three times, all in Parshat Vayeira -- three times that Avraham hastened not for a pleasant reason but due to a struggle.
First, after extended strife between his people and Lot's, Avraham and his nephew parted ways. Lot, given his choice of the whole land, settled in the wicked city of S'dom. Avraham rescued him once afterward, when S'dom was looted in battle, and we don't hear of further contact between them. Did Avraham at that point take the simpler path, avoiding a struggle with his kinsman instead of continuing to try to influence him? It's tempting, and not necessarily wrong -- I think of disagreeable people in my life who I've simply walked away from, because it's not worth the trouble to keep trying. I assume that happens to all of us.
But some ties aren't easily broken, particularly ones where people were previously close. God tells Avraham of his plans for S'dom and accepts some haggling over numbers, but the events are set in motion. Vayashkem Avraham baboker -- Avraham got up early in the morning to watch what would happen, saw the destruction of Lot's city -- and perhaps wondered what happened to Lot, who exits the story soon afterward.
Avraham avoided a struggle for good reasons, and as a result may never have learned that Lot didn't perish in S'dom but was still alive. This is a natural consequence of avoiding a problem; we may lose out on something later that would comfort us. Insulation works in both directions; when we need to protect ourselves we also make ourselves less open to positive changes.
* * *
Vayashkem Avraham baboker -- Avraham arose early in the morning to expel his son Yishmael and his mother Hagar. Poor Avraham. He followed Sarah's instructions and had a child with Hagar in pursuit of destiny. He did everything to cooperate, to heed his wife, to pursue shalom bayit -- and then, once she had a child of her own, the strife began... strife between the children and strife between their mothers, with Avraham caught in the middle.
When do we step into someone else's fight and try to bring peace? Am I being a busy-body if I do? Am I being cold and aloof if I don't? Just recently I learned that someone I'm close to is near her wit's end dealing with someone else I'm close to -- do I step in and try to get each of them to see their own part in the fight? Can I bring them together, or will I just make it a three-way struggle? Is it better to bow out, or do I just want it to be because that seems easier?
Avraham bowed out, preserving his marriage at the cost of the less-wanted son -- a terrible choice to have to make. And it seems like he was in such a hurry to get it over with that he didn't think it through -- Avraham, rich beyond words, who could have easily set them up in another home, sends them out into the wilderness with... a loaf of bread and a skin of water. If I do step into someone else's struggle and choose sides, am I at risk of not seeing it through, of not fulfilling my obligations to both of them? What do I owe the person who is almost certainly in the wrong as I support the one who is almost certainly in the right? Do I owe both more than provisions for one day of a journey?
* * *
Vayashkem Avraham baboker -- Avraham received a divine command, and this was his response. No arguing this time, no questioning, and certainly not a word of explanation to either Sarah or Yitzchak on that fateful day. Avraham didn't stuggle with God at all this time -- his strife was internal. For three days he and Yitzchak and the servant-boys and the donkey loaded with firewood -- but no lamb -- walked in silence to Mount Moriah. What must have been going on in his head all that time? In Yitzchak's?
I think about my own inner struggles, the things so personal or so confusing that I don't even want to share them with those closest to me, and I wonder if I should. Sharing is dangerous -- telling Sarah about the true purpose of their journey could not have ended well. But not telling her didn't end well either -- the midrash tells us that Sarah died on hearing the news, alone and uncomforted. And not telling Yitzchak didn't work out well either. Yitzchak left the mountain and settled elsewhere; we don't know that Avraham ever spoke with him again, and Yitzchak grew up to be the weak link in the trio of patriarchs, distant from both his father and one of his sons.
It's easy to clam up and not share. Often it's the right thing to do. But other times, sharing could relieve pain or open the door to a much-needed conversation. Knowing which it will be is hard -- that's the struggle before the struggle, to figure out whether and how to engage and whom to involve.
* * *
Vayashkem Avraham baboker -- to watch calamity involving kin, to hasten to end a family conflict, to carry out a horrifying command from God -- all hard choices with no clear right answers. But maybe it is enough if it prompts us to ask what we arise early in the morning to do -- to what do we hasten? Am I engaging in a struggle or avoiding one? Should I be? Have I thought it through?
Sometimes there are no answers, only questions -- but struggling with the question to find an answer may be more important than the answer itself.