Fic: The Replacement Realization
Title: The Replacement Realization
Author: celld00rs
Pairing: Raj/Stuart
Length: 2,235
Genre: Pre-Slash, Friendship, Smidge Of Angst
Warnings: Spoilers for episode 6.2 'The Decoupling Fluctuation' and episode 6.4 'The Re-Entry Minimization'
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Stuart worries about the future of his friendship with Raj.
Disclaimer: All recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The plot is all mine. No copyright infringement is intended.
Notes: First thing I've finished in a long while. Might write more with them in the future, hard to say.
You can't just replace someone you care about with some other random person.
The words rang about in Stuart's head as he eyed his drink. The idea tonight had been to go out for drinks and meet girls. That had been the idea. The execution, however, was entirely different. For while they did indeed have drinks, they had had yet to actually make any sort of contact with women. In fact, that part of the idea seemed to be off the table, situated as they were in the back of a practically vacant bar.
Stuart had thought of suggesting they go elsewhere but then Leonard's words from earlier tonight had crept up in his memory and he had found himself not only keeping his mouth shut but feeling his mood slip downwards. Not that that was an uncommon occurrence. His general attitude almost always tended to sink south at some point or another.
Which was why when Raj had shown interest in him, Stuart had considered himself extremely fortunate. It wasn't often that someone noticed him. In fact, almost no one noticed him outside of his work. He was just 'the comic book store guy'. The closest person he had had to a friend before Raj had been Wheaton and he wasn't so much Wil's friend as Wil's acquaintance.
Ah, acquaintance.
A word Stuart was all too familiar with.
No doubt that was what he had been to Raj before Howard's leaving and no doubt that was the status he would return to once Howard came back. After all, Leonard had said it best: You can't just replace someone you care about with…
"Stuart?"
Stuart looked up from his drink to face Raj, "Hmm?"
"Are you alright? You seem distracted."
Stuart blinked a few times before answering, "Yeah, no, sorry, sorry. I was just thinking," he shook his head and took hold of the tiny stirring straw sticking out of his drink. He twirled it about, eyes back on his glass, "Were-were you talking?"
Raj gave a little shrug, "A little. Nothing ground breaking. I was just saying tonight seems a bust. At least here," he looked around a moment before turning back to Stuart, "We could go to that new club that opened two streets down. Oh! Or we could go to the theater! I heard they're doing an old black and white monster movie marathon!"
Stuart didn't reply right away and in fact still appeared to be lost in thought as he continued stirring his drink. Raj shifted about in his seat and offered, "Or we could just stay right here. And talk."
"About?"
"Oh, you know…anything. What color Hulk Marvel might do next, why DC put Superman and Wonder Woman together romantically, the Matrix, why you're eyeing your drink like all of life's answers rest at the bottom of the glass, you know, anything."
Stuart's lips quirked momentarily but he held his silence. Just as Raj was about to ask him directly what was wrong he blurted, "How long is this going to last?"
Raj's eyebrows drew together as he frowned in confusion, "Our being here? Not long if you decide you want to go somewhere else…"
Stuart let out a heavy breath and shook his head, "No, I mean…this. Our-our hanging out. Our…being friends."
If anything Raj grew more puzzled, "I was unaware friendships had a time limit."
Still not meeting Raj's eyes, Stuart felt his skin heat with embarrassment as he said, "It does when you're a replacement friend."
Raj's head reared back at that and then he scoffed, rolling his eyes, "This is about what Leonard said earlier, isn't it? I thought I heard you…" He trailed off and let out another disgruntled huff, "Stuart, don't be ridiculous! Leonard and Sheldon were talking about…well, I'm not sure exactly what they were talking about, but it wasn't about you or me or…us."
This last he said while gesturing between the two of them and Stuart slowly raised his head to finally look him in the eyes, "Okay, maybe not but…what he said had some-some relevance."
Raj's look of complete incredulity spurred him onward, "Oh, come on, Raj! You'd barely spoken more than two sentences to me before Howard left and then the moment he was gone-"
"Even before he was gone, I was lonely!" Raj said baldly then felt himself flush, finding that it was now his turn to avoid Stuart's gaze, "I…I've been alone long before Howard left for space. He was with Bernadette, Leonard was with Penny - even Sheldon had someone. I was all alone and then…"
"And then I was convenient?"
"No." Raj said sharply and once more they looked pointedly at one another, Stuart fidgeting but refusing to turning away as he mumbled, "Face it. I'm exactly what Leonard told Sheldon - 'Pretend Wolowitz'. The moment he comes back to Earth I'm-I'm out of the picture and back to being alone. Really alone, Raj. I don't think you actually know what that feels like. Say what you will about your friends having girlfriends but-but before you, I…I didn't have anyone. "
After that confession Stuart couldn't help but return his attentions to his drink, positive his face was bright red. Raj's voice was soft, "You…have friends."
"Do I?" Stuart snorted derisively, "Funny, can't seem to name any."
"Family?"
The look Stuart shot him was so despondent that Raj felt himself shrinking, "I…really want to hug you now."
Stuart shook his head, "Don't-don't feel sorry for me, okay? Please. I really couldn't stand it."
"You…you must have someone…"
Stuart's lips twitched again, his face sad, "I have you. For now."
Raj broke, "I can't help it anymore!" and with this declaration threw himself at Stuart, hugging him tightly. So much so that Stuart almost knocked his drink over. Stuart tried to extract himself but Raj held strong as he whimpered, "I won't leave, Stuart! And I'm not feeling sorry for you, I promise!"
"Alright, alright, just…" Stuart managed to untangle them and Raj said firmly, "You are not a replacement, Stuart Bloom! If anything you're a-a…an addition. Yes! An additional friend. A separate friend. You're different from Howard and Leonard and Sheldon and…"
"I know, I know," Stuart muttered darkly, "I'm an acquaintance."
Raj frowned, "No, you're more than that."
"Again, for now. But Raj, we have to be realistic, when Howard comes back-"
"When Howard comes back you'll still be my friend!" Raj insisted adamantly, "One of my very best, good friends! There is no time limit! Yes, I'll be happy when he's back and yes, the four of us will spend time together but you forget - he's married now. He'll be busy with his wife and Leonard and Sheldon will be busy with their girlfriends and now I can be busy with you."
Stuart blinked rapidly, "I'm-I'm sorry but that makes it sort of sound like I'm your girlfriend."
"No, you're my boyfriend," Raj replied quickly then sputtered as the words he had said sank in, "I-I mean you're my friend who is a boy who is…friends, we're manly man friends who are not, ah…"
Both Stuart and Raj took healthy swigs of their drinks before either spoke again, Stuart going first, "Ah, no, yeah, I-I get it, I just-ah-guess I'm overreacting. But, I don't know, I just…it's been nice being someone's friend. Your friend, in particular. When we went out that first time I didn't realize we'd have so much in common and that we'd hit it off so well and I-I…"
Stuart took a deep breath to fortify himself before he quickly rushed on, "I really like you and being friends with you but I can't help but imagine what it will be like when Howard returns. You four will all be a team again and I'll be on the outside, looking in. Like Valkyrie from The Defenders…" he paused a moment then muttered, "And again I'm a girl."
"You're not Valkyrie, you're not that obscure," Raj insisted, "And we're not The Defenders. If anything we're the Fantastic Four and you're She Hulk after The Thing quit and yeah, okay, sorry, made you a girl again," he said sheepishly before adding, "But you're not that either! You're not some substitute team member…"
"You say that now but I see a future with less and less phone calls and less and less nights out until…" Stuart let the words hang there as he took another sip of his drink and thought back to Raj's earlier remark that all the answers rested at the bottom of it. Getting drunk probably wasn't the best idea ever but with the way this evening was going…
Meanwhile Raj's mind was completely consumed with everything that Stuart had revealed to him. He had never given much thought to what it would be like when Howard returned. He had also never really given any serious thought to his relationship with Stuart. True, before Howard left they certainly couldn't have been classified as friends but now, now…
"I like you too," Raj blurted; cursing himself for how stupid it sounded aloud. But then, Stuart had said it first, so he preserved, "And I like us being friends and that's not going to end. I won't just stop calling you and seeing you and I wish there was some way I could…" his words stopped abruptly as an idea came to him as clear as a light bulb flashing above a cartoon character's head. The idea came so swiftly he nearly shouted it, "Move in with me!"
Stuart, who had indeed taken to chugging his drink, now did a rather spectacular spit take. He coughed and choked and Raj pounded on his back a few moments before he managed to speak albeit in a croak, "What?"
"Move in with me!" Raj repeated as the excitement of the idea began to grip him, "It's perfect! If you're my roommate you can't be easily discarded! You won't have to worry about not being called or not being seen and-and I'm lonely and you're lonely and we won't be lonely any more if we live together!"
"I…don't know. Seems like a bad idea. Kinda desperate. Which, granted, plays right into my wheelhouse but…I mean, I can't pay you rent…"
"You won't have to," Raj declared, "You can pay for what you can afford. Like groceries or something. Come on, it's a great idea!"
Stuart looked unconvinced so Raj pushed, "You know you hate living out of the comic store. And frankly, I don't like the idea of you living there. It doesn't seem very safe, what with Captain Underpants lurking in the shadows."
Stuart scoffed, "He doesn't lurk…though he does tend to be there when I first open and stay there until I close. And then when I close he stands outside the door and looks in. One time he just stood there and looked in for over an hour and twenty five minutes. I know this because I started watching Star Wars one night when he was looking in and when I was finished he was still standing there."
"Does he ever even buy anything?"
"I assume he buys corn chips somewhere. He carries the scent with him, so…"
Raj sighed, "Back to the point - move in with me, Stuart. If you want you can just consider it a temporary situation," he then added quickly, "Not like our friendship, which will not be temporary."
"It…it would be nice to live some place where there is hot water. And if my finances start to get better I can probably pay you back…"
"Exactly!" Raj's tone was brighter as his earlier enthusiasm returned, "And it won't be any trouble! My sister lived with me for a time, so I have the room and by being my roommate you're guaranteed to feel more confident about our relationship."
Stuart raised an eyebrow and when Raj didn't comment further he cleared his throat, "Re-relationship is a strong word."
Raj frowned and reviewed what he had just said then amended it, "I meant relationship as in friendship. Howard is my best friend but now you'll be my friend and my roommate. Come on, what do you say?"
Stuart's lips twitched until he finally gave into a shy grin, "I say…okay."
"Okay?" Raj breathed it in such a tone of happy disbelief that Stuart's grin blossomed into a full smile, "Yeah, okay. Roommates."
Raj looked tempted to hug him again so Stuart quickly added, "But just for now, just until I get some wind beneath my wings."
"Oh, so I'm Bette Midler to your Barbara Hershey?"
"You mean like the film 'Beaches'?" Stuart asked and when Raj nodded he countered, "I-I thought it was the other way around in that film."
"Well, there's no doubt I'd be Midler."
"Oh no, no, I'm not arguing that," Stuart assured him, "But I think the song is about how Hershey's character is the wind beneath Midler's wings."
"You might be right," Raj conceded, "It's been a while since I've seen that film."
"Me too."
They sat in silence a moment longer before Raj cleared his throat, "Do you…ah, want to go back to my place and watch it?"
"It's, um, our place now, right?"
Raj chose to steadfastly ignore the rush of emotion (which was most resolutely not pleasure) those words gave him, "Yes."
Stuart finished the last of his drink then nodded.
Author: celld00rs
Pairing: Raj/Stuart
Length: 2,235
Genre: Pre-Slash, Friendship, Smidge Of Angst
Warnings: Spoilers for episode 6.2 'The Decoupling Fluctuation' and episode 6.4 'The Re-Entry Minimization'
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Stuart worries about the future of his friendship with Raj.
Disclaimer: All recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The plot is all mine. No copyright infringement is intended.
Notes: First thing I've finished in a long while. Might write more with them in the future, hard to say.
You can't just replace someone you care about with some other random person.
The words rang about in Stuart's head as he eyed his drink. The idea tonight had been to go out for drinks and meet girls. That had been the idea. The execution, however, was entirely different. For while they did indeed have drinks, they had had yet to actually make any sort of contact with women. In fact, that part of the idea seemed to be off the table, situated as they were in the back of a practically vacant bar.
Stuart had thought of suggesting they go elsewhere but then Leonard's words from earlier tonight had crept up in his memory and he had found himself not only keeping his mouth shut but feeling his mood slip downwards. Not that that was an uncommon occurrence. His general attitude almost always tended to sink south at some point or another.
Which was why when Raj had shown interest in him, Stuart had considered himself extremely fortunate. It wasn't often that someone noticed him. In fact, almost no one noticed him outside of his work. He was just 'the comic book store guy'. The closest person he had had to a friend before Raj had been Wheaton and he wasn't so much Wil's friend as Wil's acquaintance.
Ah, acquaintance.
A word Stuart was all too familiar with.
No doubt that was what he had been to Raj before Howard's leaving and no doubt that was the status he would return to once Howard came back. After all, Leonard had said it best: You can't just replace someone you care about with…
"Stuart?"
Stuart looked up from his drink to face Raj, "Hmm?"
"Are you alright? You seem distracted."
Stuart blinked a few times before answering, "Yeah, no, sorry, sorry. I was just thinking," he shook his head and took hold of the tiny stirring straw sticking out of his drink. He twirled it about, eyes back on his glass, "Were-were you talking?"
Raj gave a little shrug, "A little. Nothing ground breaking. I was just saying tonight seems a bust. At least here," he looked around a moment before turning back to Stuart, "We could go to that new club that opened two streets down. Oh! Or we could go to the theater! I heard they're doing an old black and white monster movie marathon!"
Stuart didn't reply right away and in fact still appeared to be lost in thought as he continued stirring his drink. Raj shifted about in his seat and offered, "Or we could just stay right here. And talk."
"About?"
"Oh, you know…anything. What color Hulk Marvel might do next, why DC put Superman and Wonder Woman together romantically, the Matrix, why you're eyeing your drink like all of life's answers rest at the bottom of the glass, you know, anything."
Stuart's lips quirked momentarily but he held his silence. Just as Raj was about to ask him directly what was wrong he blurted, "How long is this going to last?"
Raj's eyebrows drew together as he frowned in confusion, "Our being here? Not long if you decide you want to go somewhere else…"
Stuart let out a heavy breath and shook his head, "No, I mean…this. Our-our hanging out. Our…being friends."
If anything Raj grew more puzzled, "I was unaware friendships had a time limit."
Still not meeting Raj's eyes, Stuart felt his skin heat with embarrassment as he said, "It does when you're a replacement friend."
Raj's head reared back at that and then he scoffed, rolling his eyes, "This is about what Leonard said earlier, isn't it? I thought I heard you…" He trailed off and let out another disgruntled huff, "Stuart, don't be ridiculous! Leonard and Sheldon were talking about…well, I'm not sure exactly what they were talking about, but it wasn't about you or me or…us."
This last he said while gesturing between the two of them and Stuart slowly raised his head to finally look him in the eyes, "Okay, maybe not but…what he said had some-some relevance."
Raj's look of complete incredulity spurred him onward, "Oh, come on, Raj! You'd barely spoken more than two sentences to me before Howard left and then the moment he was gone-"
"Even before he was gone, I was lonely!" Raj said baldly then felt himself flush, finding that it was now his turn to avoid Stuart's gaze, "I…I've been alone long before Howard left for space. He was with Bernadette, Leonard was with Penny - even Sheldon had someone. I was all alone and then…"
"And then I was convenient?"
"No." Raj said sharply and once more they looked pointedly at one another, Stuart fidgeting but refusing to turning away as he mumbled, "Face it. I'm exactly what Leonard told Sheldon - 'Pretend Wolowitz'. The moment he comes back to Earth I'm-I'm out of the picture and back to being alone. Really alone, Raj. I don't think you actually know what that feels like. Say what you will about your friends having girlfriends but-but before you, I…I didn't have anyone. "
After that confession Stuart couldn't help but return his attentions to his drink, positive his face was bright red. Raj's voice was soft, "You…have friends."
"Do I?" Stuart snorted derisively, "Funny, can't seem to name any."
"Family?"
The look Stuart shot him was so despondent that Raj felt himself shrinking, "I…really want to hug you now."
Stuart shook his head, "Don't-don't feel sorry for me, okay? Please. I really couldn't stand it."
"You…you must have someone…"
Stuart's lips twitched again, his face sad, "I have you. For now."
Raj broke, "I can't help it anymore!" and with this declaration threw himself at Stuart, hugging him tightly. So much so that Stuart almost knocked his drink over. Stuart tried to extract himself but Raj held strong as he whimpered, "I won't leave, Stuart! And I'm not feeling sorry for you, I promise!"
"Alright, alright, just…" Stuart managed to untangle them and Raj said firmly, "You are not a replacement, Stuart Bloom! If anything you're a-a…an addition. Yes! An additional friend. A separate friend. You're different from Howard and Leonard and Sheldon and…"
"I know, I know," Stuart muttered darkly, "I'm an acquaintance."
Raj frowned, "No, you're more than that."
"Again, for now. But Raj, we have to be realistic, when Howard comes back-"
"When Howard comes back you'll still be my friend!" Raj insisted adamantly, "One of my very best, good friends! There is no time limit! Yes, I'll be happy when he's back and yes, the four of us will spend time together but you forget - he's married now. He'll be busy with his wife and Leonard and Sheldon will be busy with their girlfriends and now I can be busy with you."
Stuart blinked rapidly, "I'm-I'm sorry but that makes it sort of sound like I'm your girlfriend."
"No, you're my boyfriend," Raj replied quickly then sputtered as the words he had said sank in, "I-I mean you're my friend who is a boy who is…friends, we're manly man friends who are not, ah…"
Both Stuart and Raj took healthy swigs of their drinks before either spoke again, Stuart going first, "Ah, no, yeah, I-I get it, I just-ah-guess I'm overreacting. But, I don't know, I just…it's been nice being someone's friend. Your friend, in particular. When we went out that first time I didn't realize we'd have so much in common and that we'd hit it off so well and I-I…"
Stuart took a deep breath to fortify himself before he quickly rushed on, "I really like you and being friends with you but I can't help but imagine what it will be like when Howard returns. You four will all be a team again and I'll be on the outside, looking in. Like Valkyrie from The Defenders…" he paused a moment then muttered, "And again I'm a girl."
"You're not Valkyrie, you're not that obscure," Raj insisted, "And we're not The Defenders. If anything we're the Fantastic Four and you're She Hulk after The Thing quit and yeah, okay, sorry, made you a girl again," he said sheepishly before adding, "But you're not that either! You're not some substitute team member…"
"You say that now but I see a future with less and less phone calls and less and less nights out until…" Stuart let the words hang there as he took another sip of his drink and thought back to Raj's earlier remark that all the answers rested at the bottom of it. Getting drunk probably wasn't the best idea ever but with the way this evening was going…
Meanwhile Raj's mind was completely consumed with everything that Stuart had revealed to him. He had never given much thought to what it would be like when Howard returned. He had also never really given any serious thought to his relationship with Stuart. True, before Howard left they certainly couldn't have been classified as friends but now, now…
"I like you too," Raj blurted; cursing himself for how stupid it sounded aloud. But then, Stuart had said it first, so he preserved, "And I like us being friends and that's not going to end. I won't just stop calling you and seeing you and I wish there was some way I could…" his words stopped abruptly as an idea came to him as clear as a light bulb flashing above a cartoon character's head. The idea came so swiftly he nearly shouted it, "Move in with me!"
Stuart, who had indeed taken to chugging his drink, now did a rather spectacular spit take. He coughed and choked and Raj pounded on his back a few moments before he managed to speak albeit in a croak, "What?"
"Move in with me!" Raj repeated as the excitement of the idea began to grip him, "It's perfect! If you're my roommate you can't be easily discarded! You won't have to worry about not being called or not being seen and-and I'm lonely and you're lonely and we won't be lonely any more if we live together!"
"I…don't know. Seems like a bad idea. Kinda desperate. Which, granted, plays right into my wheelhouse but…I mean, I can't pay you rent…"
"You won't have to," Raj declared, "You can pay for what you can afford. Like groceries or something. Come on, it's a great idea!"
Stuart looked unconvinced so Raj pushed, "You know you hate living out of the comic store. And frankly, I don't like the idea of you living there. It doesn't seem very safe, what with Captain Underpants lurking in the shadows."
Stuart scoffed, "He doesn't lurk…though he does tend to be there when I first open and stay there until I close. And then when I close he stands outside the door and looks in. One time he just stood there and looked in for over an hour and twenty five minutes. I know this because I started watching Star Wars one night when he was looking in and when I was finished he was still standing there."
"Does he ever even buy anything?"
"I assume he buys corn chips somewhere. He carries the scent with him, so…"
Raj sighed, "Back to the point - move in with me, Stuart. If you want you can just consider it a temporary situation," he then added quickly, "Not like our friendship, which will not be temporary."
"It…it would be nice to live some place where there is hot water. And if my finances start to get better I can probably pay you back…"
"Exactly!" Raj's tone was brighter as his earlier enthusiasm returned, "And it won't be any trouble! My sister lived with me for a time, so I have the room and by being my roommate you're guaranteed to feel more confident about our relationship."
Stuart raised an eyebrow and when Raj didn't comment further he cleared his throat, "Re-relationship is a strong word."
Raj frowned and reviewed what he had just said then amended it, "I meant relationship as in friendship. Howard is my best friend but now you'll be my friend and my roommate. Come on, what do you say?"
Stuart's lips twitched until he finally gave into a shy grin, "I say…okay."
"Okay?" Raj breathed it in such a tone of happy disbelief that Stuart's grin blossomed into a full smile, "Yeah, okay. Roommates."
Raj looked tempted to hug him again so Stuart quickly added, "But just for now, just until I get some wind beneath my wings."
"Oh, so I'm Bette Midler to your Barbara Hershey?"
"You mean like the film 'Beaches'?" Stuart asked and when Raj nodded he countered, "I-I thought it was the other way around in that film."
"Well, there's no doubt I'd be Midler."
"Oh no, no, I'm not arguing that," Stuart assured him, "But I think the song is about how Hershey's character is the wind beneath Midler's wings."
"You might be right," Raj conceded, "It's been a while since I've seen that film."
"Me too."
They sat in silence a moment longer before Raj cleared his throat, "Do you…ah, want to go back to my place and watch it?"
"It's, um, our place now, right?"
Raj chose to steadfastly ignore the rush of emotion (which was most resolutely not pleasure) those words gave him, "Yes."
Stuart finished the last of his drink then nodded.