if i just breathe, let it fill the space between...
*back and forth up and down like a roller coaster...*
bored bored bored bored bored. thats all i ever get to be.
well so much for this being an incredibly awesome senior year so far. and so much for my "golden year" being golden. if it weren't for the fact that the red sox won the world series and hell yeah the patriots won the superbowl, and the fact im going to disney in 2 months, i would have nothing to be happy about. i cant even be happy about getting into all these colleges cuz i know im probably not going to get to go to bentley and i have this awful feeling my parents are going to push st.michael's on me and i dont want to go there. damn money is EVERYTHING. i know its bad to give up hope but when one thing goes wrong after another you wonder the purpose to your life at a given moment. im sick and tired of my utterly monotonous and boring life, like when i get stuck at home on a friday night. which happens like all the time now because everyone else has other things to do (and keene was just a little too far away. meg!). i feel like such a pathetic loser and like i barely have any friends sometimes. i want to go out and want to do stuff but theres just no one to do stuff with. and it doesnt help when your phone is dead...last friday night was like the first friday night i didnt have to work and what did i do? nothing! and luckily i have some fun on saturday nights but still im tired of not being able to go out and have any fun. i constantly feel like im being punished for something all the time and i just hate that feeling. what am i doing wrong in my life, seriously? i know complaining doesnt help and i shouldnt be complaining because at least having no social life is the least of my problems, but I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT. luckily, kristen always gives me a pep talk to make me feel better, i think i need another one of those soon because they wear off after a little bit. but yeah, not getting to live the life that any 17 year old american girl should, its just awful and i constantly question where i went wrong. we always hope someday will be better, but what if someday never comes for some people. i know only i can change this and i should be "optimistic" but no, really, it is just one put down after another from people with me.
and im convinced i have seasonal affective disorder cuz i get like this every february.
in other news, i am being pretty mature about some stuff. occasionally my 15 year old self wants to come out and scream but im not letting it with the best of my abilities. but to be able to talk to some people like nothing is wrong, because for all they know nothing IS wrong, yeah ive gotten good at that now. and so thats also helping me accept other parts of my life that i have failed at so far. its kinda weird again, not liking anybody, but there is nobody to like. i think ariane needs to set me up with a nashua guy for the semi, especially now since our whole class like HAS to go because the Wolf's are amazingly generous and awesome people that have the biggest hearts in the world and like one of the ways to thank them for paying for our semi tickets would be to actually go to th semi.
also got report cards on friday. 4 A's, 2 B+'s for the semester which i guess is pretty good, but my class rank managed to go down to 19 and we had more people drop out, so now im like barely in the top 5% anymore. ugh. hopefully ill stay in the top 20. as me and kim said, 20 dropouts, 8 pregnant girls, and a partridge in a pear tree...thats what it seems like anyway.
and so thats really all i have to say. DI is going well enough. me and kim had some good times last night with goth letters and kettle corn and hangers. hehe. and work is going well enough. i do work a lot but at the same time it doesnt seem like too much. and if i didnt work then i wouldnt have money to have fun. not that i have much fun anyway.
latin dancing on tuesday!
that will be an adventure.
especially with lennan....morf.
oh and molly got an LJ! yay!!!!
leave it
love, me
bored bored bored bored bored. thats all i ever get to be.
well so much for this being an incredibly awesome senior year so far. and so much for my "golden year" being golden. if it weren't for the fact that the red sox won the world series and hell yeah the patriots won the superbowl, and the fact im going to disney in 2 months, i would have nothing to be happy about. i cant even be happy about getting into all these colleges cuz i know im probably not going to get to go to bentley and i have this awful feeling my parents are going to push st.michael's on me and i dont want to go there. damn money is EVERYTHING. i know its bad to give up hope but when one thing goes wrong after another you wonder the purpose to your life at a given moment. im sick and tired of my utterly monotonous and boring life, like when i get stuck at home on a friday night. which happens like all the time now because everyone else has other things to do (and keene was just a little too far away. meg!). i feel like such a pathetic loser and like i barely have any friends sometimes. i want to go out and want to do stuff but theres just no one to do stuff with. and it doesnt help when your phone is dead...last friday night was like the first friday night i didnt have to work and what did i do? nothing! and luckily i have some fun on saturday nights but still im tired of not being able to go out and have any fun. i constantly feel like im being punished for something all the time and i just hate that feeling. what am i doing wrong in my life, seriously? i know complaining doesnt help and i shouldnt be complaining because at least having no social life is the least of my problems, but I HATE IT I HATE IT I HATE IT. luckily, kristen always gives me a pep talk to make me feel better, i think i need another one of those soon because they wear off after a little bit. but yeah, not getting to live the life that any 17 year old american girl should, its just awful and i constantly question where i went wrong. we always hope someday will be better, but what if someday never comes for some people. i know only i can change this and i should be "optimistic" but no, really, it is just one put down after another from people with me.
and im convinced i have seasonal affective disorder cuz i get like this every february.
in other news, i am being pretty mature about some stuff. occasionally my 15 year old self wants to come out and scream but im not letting it with the best of my abilities. but to be able to talk to some people like nothing is wrong, because for all they know nothing IS wrong, yeah ive gotten good at that now. and so thats also helping me accept other parts of my life that i have failed at so far. its kinda weird again, not liking anybody, but there is nobody to like. i think ariane needs to set me up with a nashua guy for the semi, especially now since our whole class like HAS to go because the Wolf's are amazingly generous and awesome people that have the biggest hearts in the world and like one of the ways to thank them for paying for our semi tickets would be to actually go to th semi.
also got report cards on friday. 4 A's, 2 B+'s for the semester which i guess is pretty good, but my class rank managed to go down to 19 and we had more people drop out, so now im like barely in the top 5% anymore. ugh. hopefully ill stay in the top 20. as me and kim said, 20 dropouts, 8 pregnant girls, and a partridge in a pear tree...thats what it seems like anyway.
and so thats really all i have to say. DI is going well enough. me and kim had some good times last night with goth letters and kettle corn and hangers. hehe. and work is going well enough. i do work a lot but at the same time it doesnt seem like too much. and if i didnt work then i wouldnt have money to have fun. not that i have much fun anyway.
latin dancing on tuesday!
that will be an adventure.
especially with lennan....morf.
oh and molly got an LJ! yay!!!!
leave it
love, me