college youre a bully- you make me cry

[cellardoor009]

Scared no try terrified. mainly because of college and whats going to happen. i dont want things to change, i dont want to lose the people closest to me, and i dont want to fail. everyone that i talk to is so excited to go off to college and they cant wait to get away from their family or parents. i on the other hand am going to miss my nice house, loving parents, and constant guidance. the thought of college makes me feel like i have a grapefruit stuck in my throat. in college noone cares about you. the professors dont care if there was a death in the family of if your grandma is seriously ill, they dont care if you have severe asthma and you had an asthma attack on the way to class. im thinking that college is going to be hell. im attending a college that is wayyyy too big for my liking with most of the same kids that i went to hell (my high school) with. im not looking forward to college. what if i fail? what if i do bad on one of my tests? what if i have to miss class? what if i get sick? im terrified of the large classes. i dont want to be number A40809908... thats not how I want to spend another four years of my life. ive gotten to the point where i know that i want to do something in medicine but i dont know what. i know that i want to do something that doesnt take a shitload of schooling, that has reasonable hours, and helps me keep myself on my own feet if need be. my brother laughs at me when i tell him that i want to transfer to a small school. he says that i should go to a big university because i shouldnt be sheltered anymore and i need that diversity experience. what if i want to be sheltered? i dont think that theres anything wrong with being sheltered... i went to public school and hated it so i might like to be sheltered again. my mom says that i have to think of msu being a temporary situation and thats the only way that im going to get through it. im planning on transferring into another college after first semester and to tell you the truth transferring to wayne state is looking better and better every day. i dont think that i would mind staying home. my parents are nice, strict but nice. i get along with my mom and i get money whenever i need it. i think i just need to suck it up and see if i lke this whole msu thing... its just hard. im going to miss my friends. i would never think that i would miss my friends but the friends that i have now a truly friends. its nice to be able to talk about anything thats on my mind. i stress out a lot and they keep my grounded. i know that everything is going to change and all because college is so different but if theres one thing that i dont want to change its the relationship with my friends. i cant imagine going though college without them. distance shouldnt matter should it? i mean if youre truly friends with someone you should be able to talk over the phone or webcam and keep the same relationship.. righttt? the transformation to college life is going to be hard for me. im an overachiever and the fact that everyone at msu is also an overachiever is going to make me work harder. i always have to be the best in everything that i do... but i also have to get involved in everything and its hard to do both. i get so stressed. im really good at managing my time and not going to parties and stuff like that. im the annoying student that always asks questions and gets involved in the class. i dono. i think that i have to try state because i want to see what the college experience is about...

im basically making myself sick.
classes start in a month and im freaking out already!!!
i havent slept... like reallllyyy slept in about 6 days.