(no subject)
i feel so fucking shitty now. i hurt one of the best friends i have ever had and nw i just cant be happy with myself. i think its because i took myself off my medication but thats no excuse. fucking drugs, they cause so much shit. they say that im forgiven but i can still hear the hurt in their voice. im such a fucking shitty person sometimes and i dont mean to be. i guess im more fucked up than i thought. god i mean my best friend! what the fuck was i thinking. i swear, i just really hate myself sometimes. and when i hurt someone its never intentional but it always seems to hurt them in the worst ways. i cant believe that i am lucky enough to still have them as a friend. i just take so much shit for granted...i mean its one of my friends that i would die for and i ditched them for no good reason. thats what bothers me the most is that i had NO fucking reason. i was just too stoned and just didnt even bother to think about their feelings. i really need to grow up some more and see what i do and how it affects things. well i dont know what else to say to them but im sorry. i dont think that they ever go on live journal but if anyone knows who i am talking about, please let them know how i feel and that it wasnt really all JC. (he just wanted me to tell him that because he saw how upset i got). im going to try to make it up but i dont see anything that could make things better. i wish i did....
well for other news, im moving in with JC in a few months, which makes me happy. im actually very happy with him. my parents are cool with it and probably dont want me around anymore. or so my mom hinted at. see, even in my home i cause so much shit. i just need to go away for awhile and settle down. i dont even want to party that much anymore. this weekend just made me realize what a bitch i can be. i make so many people feel miserable when i myself am the one who feels ugly inside.
(oh and to people who call me and i dont answer- i am either watching a movie, having sex, or both. if im not to stoned to remember, i will call you back if you leave a message) my phone just rings too god damn much. im tired of my Fur Elise ring tone.....that used to be my favorite song too :(
(im sorry JT)...truly i am....
well for other news, im moving in with JC in a few months, which makes me happy. im actually very happy with him. my parents are cool with it and probably dont want me around anymore. or so my mom hinted at. see, even in my home i cause so much shit. i just need to go away for awhile and settle down. i dont even want to party that much anymore. this weekend just made me realize what a bitch i can be. i make so many people feel miserable when i myself am the one who feels ugly inside.
(oh and to people who call me and i dont answer- i am either watching a movie, having sex, or both. if im not to stoned to remember, i will call you back if you leave a message) my phone just rings too god damn much. im tired of my Fur Elise ring tone.....that used to be my favorite song too :(
(im sorry JT)...truly i am....