i'm wide awake, it's morning
just some things if that's okay.
it's 3:33 AM and i'd rather be awake all night and work through swollen eyes tomorrow than sleep at all tonight. but i have nothing to stay awake for and no one to talk to.
maybe it's because i've realized i am extremely inadequate.
i am nothing different.
i am not especially good at anything at all. like, don't feel sorry for me or tell me it's not true, it's just the way things are.
i sort of want to quit smoking.
i sort of don't want to quit smoking at all.
i don't like allowing myself to be scared but i am. and i can't help lying awake wondering who's being honest and how everyone really feels about everything.
unforced laughter attributable to true friends is an extremely underrated antidepressant.
i need someone to make me push through the next few weeks but everything reminds me of you too much to make the days seem any shorter.
college classes are making me think about too much and it overwhelms me. there are too many fucking issues in the world and i feel helpless. and i don't give a rat's ass about the environment.
i'm pretty sure i spend more time causing people distress than i do making them feel happy.
i'd relive everything, the good and the fucking terrible times, to take it back.
it's my fault.
i'm sick of being rational.
here's to taking a few fucking chances for once.
i think i'll try and let go soon.
annnnd. i'm done.
it's 3:33 AM and i'd rather be awake all night and work through swollen eyes tomorrow than sleep at all tonight. but i have nothing to stay awake for and no one to talk to.
maybe it's because i've realized i am extremely inadequate.
i am nothing different.
i am not especially good at anything at all. like, don't feel sorry for me or tell me it's not true, it's just the way things are.
i sort of want to quit smoking.
i sort of don't want to quit smoking at all.
i don't like allowing myself to be scared but i am. and i can't help lying awake wondering who's being honest and how everyone really feels about everything.
unforced laughter attributable to true friends is an extremely underrated antidepressant.
i need someone to make me push through the next few weeks but everything reminds me of you too much to make the days seem any shorter.
college classes are making me think about too much and it overwhelms me. there are too many fucking issues in the world and i feel helpless. and i don't give a rat's ass about the environment.
i'm pretty sure i spend more time causing people distress than i do making them feel happy.
i'd relive everything, the good and the fucking terrible times, to take it back.
it's my fault.
i'm sick of being rational.
here's to taking a few fucking chances for once.
i think i'll try and let go soon.
annnnd. i'm done.