i needed it.
i've built up so much emotion this past year. failing to truly identify what's wrong, too busy occupying myself with my friends and social status. i don't think i set myself up for this. i know it most frequently seems like there's nothing that bothers me. i know i indefinitely show my expressions of happiness, carelessness, and my unreal behavior of being content. but oh my, lately it's been catching up. i always question myself, i always wonder why i can never see things the way others do. i feel like i have no control over anything whatsoever. i get this feeling in my throat, i can hardly swallow. i watch those closest to me experience hardships. hardships i've experienced in the past...to a degree in which one will never know. i don't like being the one who compares what i've been through to what others are going through. yet here i am, failing to console those who i care for. i'm afraid. afraid of what's to come. afraid of what hasn't happened yet. i don't know how else to put my thoughts into words. i should just stop..i need reassurance. i'm not ready for change. yet i think it's what's needed most in my life right now. fuck. i don't know what i'm saying. i'll stop.