What a real relationship looks like
So now that I wrote about my ex, it's only fair I write about my current relationship - so that it at least has a happy ending!
After my last relationship - if you can call it that - I spent the better year being single and enjoying life. Made new friends, traveled around, started my own company, moved out into my own home, and improved family ties. I worked on myself and became more confident and outgoing. My assertiveness only grew. I genuinely liked myself and the person I had become. Being single did me good. It let me grow as a person and realize the things I wanted in life.
I wasn't that naive 16 year old girl anymore.
I was happy, and with that in mind, I decided I wanted to share that happiness with someone.
That someone we will call Cody. I met him online, talking and flirting at first. He was confident, and seemed sure of himself. After spending a lot of time conversing in English, talking in Dutch was kinda rusty - I'm a bit embarrassed by how much it has deteriorated. Regardless, I asked Cody out on a date (since I guess he's too shy to make the first move), but hey, that suits me more.
My first thought when I met Cody, was that he looked a lot better than his pictures. Mostly because I guess he's not into taking selfies and he doesn't know his angles. The most important thing, is that we could talk together without seeming like we were struggling to keep the conversation alive. And also, the sexual tension. Or maybe that just came from my side, but I wanted to jump his bones once I was over at his house to watch a movie and was cuddled up against him. I controlled myself and did not try to have sex with him. He was adorable though, nudging closer to me inch by inch. I kissed him goodbye. The date went well, and we continued talking afterwards.
Due to family circumstances a couple of days later, I really wanted to take my mind off of things and needed to be with someone. Luckily, Cody didn't object when I asked if I could come over on a week night, despite having work the following morning. Through some weird interaction with my mother, she demanded I stay the night, because it was too dangerous to go back alone at night. Cody was all too happy to oblige.
We had a long and heart felt talk that night. I felt very comforted by Cody, and he cuddled with me on the couch. I really needed that, and truly appreciate he was there for me. I had forgotten what it was like to have another human being just be there for you, to comfort you and talk to you. I was definitely liking Cody more and more.
Yes, we had sex that night. I was unable to restrain myself any longer - I was very attracted to him - and even though it was 2 AM in the morning and he had work, we still did it. For what, 3 hours long? I feel bad he barely got any sleep, but I don't regret the sex, which was amazing. The morning after, I asked him if we could date exclusively. He said "Do you even need to ask?"
I wanted to take things slow with Cody, even though I had really begun to like him. I wanted to get to know him more, feel him out, and see if we were really compatible with each other. During the times we didn't see each other, since we could only meet up during the weekends, we talked a lot. We both talked about our exes - it was nice being able to share this and not seem like I was that crazy woman who couldn't stop bad mouthing their ex. I found out Cody had a relationship that lasted for 4 years, and she was the one that broke up with him (around the same time I broke up with my ex). I would later found out that just like me, he wasn't in a very healthy relationship at all, but he was too naive to see it.
The times we did meet up, we fucked, a lot. During these times, it dawned on me that even though I was over my ex, some things still lingered in the back of my mind. I was afraid of being rejected, and I was unable to accept getting anything in return. One time, Cody and I both misunderstood each other, I thought he was rejecting me, and he had other things on his mind (also due to his ex). But luckily, through the power of communication, we talked it out.
It's one of the things that I love about Cody; we can communicate. He isn't someone who will keep it all up inside and let it fester. When I talk about a problem, he will not skitter away and say "I dunno", no he will communicate with me what the problem is.
It didn't take me long to get over it, the fears that were placed into my mind because of my dead bedroom situation with my ex. Here I was, with a man I found incredibly sexy, and he thought the same thing of me. Why hold yourself back? I finally learned to accept any reciprocation coming from Cody, and how he liked it just as much as receiving it. I was enthusiastic about sex again, especially with someone who seemed to want it as much as me.
Cody really opened my eyes to what a good sex life looks like. Sure, he's got a few kinks that aren't mine, and he had to work out a few problems as well - but other than that, it's amazing. It's all about giving and receiving, and we both make sure the other one is pleased and taken care of. The best part of course, is that he can keep up with my high libido. We have sex ranging from once a day (usually because it's not possible to do it more than once), to two or even three times a day. I realize it's also because the relationship is fairly new, and your sex life will diminish after a while, but so far, twice a day is our average.
We weren't yet boyfriend and girlfriend, even though people did refer to us like that, and I know Cody really wanted to be my boyfriend, but I took my time. I didn't want to go too fast, as it had only been a few months that I had known him. But I definitely knew I was going to make him my boyfriend, and on Valentine's Day, we became an official couple.
And a couple we became. Cody was great. He was attentive, caring, very sweet, confidently sexy - and of course, it really helped he had a job and his own apartment (where else would we have all of the sex, and how would we go on all those expensive dates?). Due to him being 2 years younger than me, I was very proud of him having made it this far in life already. I sometimes teased him for being younger, but realized he probably didn't like constant reminders I was older (even though I don't care at all), so I stopped.
Cody had a cousin who was going to have a wedding. I pretty much invited myself, and we went to the wedding together. He looked dashing in his suit (though mostly he was just in a vest and dress shirt). I met a lot of his extended family, had a lot of fun, and I danced with Cody on the dance floor. I don't know what it was that night, but as we were grinding up against each other, with him smiling from ear to ear, looking at me as if we were the only two people there that night, I realized; I love this person.
I loved everything about him. The way he smiled, the way he exuded that sexy confidence, the way he paid attention to me - I had met a great guy, and I was in love with him.
The following morning I told him, and he kissed me and said "I love you too." (though it makes you wonder why he didn't say anything sooner).
The longer I was with him, the more I came to know about his previous relationship. His ex had borderline, and was prone to start fights with him (and escalated to a physical level). She also said a lot of nasty things to him that hurt his self esteem. It didn't sound healthy to me at all, more like an abusive relationship, but I don't think Cody realizes that.
More importantly, I realized that even though I had let go of the fears that were caused by my ex, Cody was still struggling with some of his own.
One day, we were talking about the things that our exes gave back to us once the relationship was over. I told him I was scared my ex had sent me a bomb, or some kind of poison, though I was half joking ... half. Cody mentioned how his ex returned all of the jewelry he had given her, and he had no idea what to do with it. This really felt off to me. I'm fascinated with Cody's past relationships, as it's just part of his history, so jealousy wasn't really in me ... but then I heard he had given his ex jewelry, whereas with me he had given me nothing (it's already 5 months into our relationship). Well, aside from flowers that are dead, chocolates that are eaten, and a souvenir from a country he visited.
But I didn't have a single personal gift from him. This bothered me. It's not like I was materialistic, or demanded gifts ... but to hear how he treated his ex differently, it just bugged me. Why give her stuff, but not me? Perhaps I just wasn't important enough to him.
This nagging feeling escalated when I found out that he still kept the things his ex had given him, one of them being a watch that he still wears every day. I guess not everybody is the same, but I threw out my ex's stuff the day I broke up with him, which led me to believe Cody was still having issues letting go of his ex. And honestly, continuing to wear a watch your ex gave you - that's just insensitive to your current relationship.
I finally brought it up. He explained that he realizes he hasn't given me anything, and the reason for that is ... his ex was materialistic. Apparently she demanded expensive gifts from him, and would put down a lot of gifts if it wasn't to her liking. So he wanted a relationship where it wasn't about giving expensive gifts. I understood why he is the way he is, but I tried to get him to see I am not his ex. Hell, I'll be happy if he made me some origami. He apologized for this, and has since given me a teddy bear.
As for keeping her things, he threw them out one day. I didn't ask for it though, as he clearly wanted to keep it for sentimental sake. The watch stayed though - the one thing he wears every day. It's a bit silly, as nothing has really changed here. He promised me he was over his ex, and I believed him. Doesn't change my feelings about keeping things from your ex though!
But honestly, I'm glad this happened. I'm glad for all of our little disagreements. Because we talked, and shared our feelings and thoughts. Cody isn't some person with no emotions whatsoever, and he isn't someone who will refuse to talk about an issue. I'm really glad he isn't, because this way, we can have a healthy relationship together.
No one is going to be perfect together, but that's why you communicate to work it out. There is no invalidation of feelings here, there is no built up resentment from ignoring issues - nothing but an honest and hard working relationship.
Now that's how a relationship should be. With plenty of sex, of course.
After my last relationship - if you can call it that - I spent the better year being single and enjoying life. Made new friends, traveled around, started my own company, moved out into my own home, and improved family ties. I worked on myself and became more confident and outgoing. My assertiveness only grew. I genuinely liked myself and the person I had become. Being single did me good. It let me grow as a person and realize the things I wanted in life.
I wasn't that naive 16 year old girl anymore.
I was happy, and with that in mind, I decided I wanted to share that happiness with someone.
That someone we will call Cody. I met him online, talking and flirting at first. He was confident, and seemed sure of himself. After spending a lot of time conversing in English, talking in Dutch was kinda rusty - I'm a bit embarrassed by how much it has deteriorated. Regardless, I asked Cody out on a date (since I guess he's too shy to make the first move), but hey, that suits me more.
My first thought when I met Cody, was that he looked a lot better than his pictures. Mostly because I guess he's not into taking selfies and he doesn't know his angles. The most important thing, is that we could talk together without seeming like we were struggling to keep the conversation alive. And also, the sexual tension. Or maybe that just came from my side, but I wanted to jump his bones once I was over at his house to watch a movie and was cuddled up against him. I controlled myself and did not try to have sex with him. He was adorable though, nudging closer to me inch by inch. I kissed him goodbye. The date went well, and we continued talking afterwards.
Due to family circumstances a couple of days later, I really wanted to take my mind off of things and needed to be with someone. Luckily, Cody didn't object when I asked if I could come over on a week night, despite having work the following morning. Through some weird interaction with my mother, she demanded I stay the night, because it was too dangerous to go back alone at night. Cody was all too happy to oblige.
We had a long and heart felt talk that night. I felt very comforted by Cody, and he cuddled with me on the couch. I really needed that, and truly appreciate he was there for me. I had forgotten what it was like to have another human being just be there for you, to comfort you and talk to you. I was definitely liking Cody more and more.
Yes, we had sex that night. I was unable to restrain myself any longer - I was very attracted to him - and even though it was 2 AM in the morning and he had work, we still did it. For what, 3 hours long? I feel bad he barely got any sleep, but I don't regret the sex, which was amazing. The morning after, I asked him if we could date exclusively. He said "Do you even need to ask?"
I wanted to take things slow with Cody, even though I had really begun to like him. I wanted to get to know him more, feel him out, and see if we were really compatible with each other. During the times we didn't see each other, since we could only meet up during the weekends, we talked a lot. We both talked about our exes - it was nice being able to share this and not seem like I was that crazy woman who couldn't stop bad mouthing their ex. I found out Cody had a relationship that lasted for 4 years, and she was the one that broke up with him (around the same time I broke up with my ex). I would later found out that just like me, he wasn't in a very healthy relationship at all, but he was too naive to see it.
The times we did meet up, we fucked, a lot. During these times, it dawned on me that even though I was over my ex, some things still lingered in the back of my mind. I was afraid of being rejected, and I was unable to accept getting anything in return. One time, Cody and I both misunderstood each other, I thought he was rejecting me, and he had other things on his mind (also due to his ex). But luckily, through the power of communication, we talked it out.
It's one of the things that I love about Cody; we can communicate. He isn't someone who will keep it all up inside and let it fester. When I talk about a problem, he will not skitter away and say "I dunno", no he will communicate with me what the problem is.
It didn't take me long to get over it, the fears that were placed into my mind because of my dead bedroom situation with my ex. Here I was, with a man I found incredibly sexy, and he thought the same thing of me. Why hold yourself back? I finally learned to accept any reciprocation coming from Cody, and how he liked it just as much as receiving it. I was enthusiastic about sex again, especially with someone who seemed to want it as much as me.
Cody really opened my eyes to what a good sex life looks like. Sure, he's got a few kinks that aren't mine, and he had to work out a few problems as well - but other than that, it's amazing. It's all about giving and receiving, and we both make sure the other one is pleased and taken care of. The best part of course, is that he can keep up with my high libido. We have sex ranging from once a day (usually because it's not possible to do it more than once), to two or even three times a day. I realize it's also because the relationship is fairly new, and your sex life will diminish after a while, but so far, twice a day is our average.
We weren't yet boyfriend and girlfriend, even though people did refer to us like that, and I know Cody really wanted to be my boyfriend, but I took my time. I didn't want to go too fast, as it had only been a few months that I had known him. But I definitely knew I was going to make him my boyfriend, and on Valentine's Day, we became an official couple.
And a couple we became. Cody was great. He was attentive, caring, very sweet, confidently sexy - and of course, it really helped he had a job and his own apartment (where else would we have all of the sex, and how would we go on all those expensive dates?). Due to him being 2 years younger than me, I was very proud of him having made it this far in life already. I sometimes teased him for being younger, but realized he probably didn't like constant reminders I was older (even though I don't care at all), so I stopped.
Cody had a cousin who was going to have a wedding. I pretty much invited myself, and we went to the wedding together. He looked dashing in his suit (though mostly he was just in a vest and dress shirt). I met a lot of his extended family, had a lot of fun, and I danced with Cody on the dance floor. I don't know what it was that night, but as we were grinding up against each other, with him smiling from ear to ear, looking at me as if we were the only two people there that night, I realized; I love this person.
I loved everything about him. The way he smiled, the way he exuded that sexy confidence, the way he paid attention to me - I had met a great guy, and I was in love with him.
The following morning I told him, and he kissed me and said "I love you too." (though it makes you wonder why he didn't say anything sooner).
The longer I was with him, the more I came to know about his previous relationship. His ex had borderline, and was prone to start fights with him (and escalated to a physical level). She also said a lot of nasty things to him that hurt his self esteem. It didn't sound healthy to me at all, more like an abusive relationship, but I don't think Cody realizes that.
More importantly, I realized that even though I had let go of the fears that were caused by my ex, Cody was still struggling with some of his own.
One day, we were talking about the things that our exes gave back to us once the relationship was over. I told him I was scared my ex had sent me a bomb, or some kind of poison, though I was half joking ... half. Cody mentioned how his ex returned all of the jewelry he had given her, and he had no idea what to do with it. This really felt off to me. I'm fascinated with Cody's past relationships, as it's just part of his history, so jealousy wasn't really in me ... but then I heard he had given his ex jewelry, whereas with me he had given me nothing (it's already 5 months into our relationship). Well, aside from flowers that are dead, chocolates that are eaten, and a souvenir from a country he visited.
But I didn't have a single personal gift from him. This bothered me. It's not like I was materialistic, or demanded gifts ... but to hear how he treated his ex differently, it just bugged me. Why give her stuff, but not me? Perhaps I just wasn't important enough to him.
This nagging feeling escalated when I found out that he still kept the things his ex had given him, one of them being a watch that he still wears every day. I guess not everybody is the same, but I threw out my ex's stuff the day I broke up with him, which led me to believe Cody was still having issues letting go of his ex. And honestly, continuing to wear a watch your ex gave you - that's just insensitive to your current relationship.
I finally brought it up. He explained that he realizes he hasn't given me anything, and the reason for that is ... his ex was materialistic. Apparently she demanded expensive gifts from him, and would put down a lot of gifts if it wasn't to her liking. So he wanted a relationship where it wasn't about giving expensive gifts. I understood why he is the way he is, but I tried to get him to see I am not his ex. Hell, I'll be happy if he made me some origami. He apologized for this, and has since given me a teddy bear.
As for keeping her things, he threw them out one day. I didn't ask for it though, as he clearly wanted to keep it for sentimental sake. The watch stayed though - the one thing he wears every day. It's a bit silly, as nothing has really changed here. He promised me he was over his ex, and I believed him. Doesn't change my feelings about keeping things from your ex though!
But honestly, I'm glad this happened. I'm glad for all of our little disagreements. Because we talked, and shared our feelings and thoughts. Cody isn't some person with no emotions whatsoever, and he isn't someone who will refuse to talk about an issue. I'm really glad he isn't, because this way, we can have a healthy relationship together.
No one is going to be perfect together, but that's why you communicate to work it out. There is no invalidation of feelings here, there is no built up resentment from ignoring issues - nothing but an honest and hard working relationship.
Now that's how a relationship should be. With plenty of sex, of course.