Of Songs and Memories
Two years ago the world came crashing down around her, or to be exact, the world fell on top of her heart, crushing it into a million pieces, all because of an email.
'This is my last day...' the subject read, and despite the pile of work lined up she stopped, stared at the monitor as a wave of coldness swept down her spine.
'So it's finally come to this.'
The email made little effect on the floor as a lot of people had already gone home. That bastard made it a point to say his goodbye when there are so little people left probably to minimize the effect. She looked around, he was still there, together with some other team members who are left. her own superior had started a weird, sort of impromptu farewell video, cornering whoever is left that day. She went back to her work. The commotion was a little far from her so it's okay besides, she doesn't want the reality to sink in yet, because she knows what will happen if it did.
The day ended like any other day. He left unceremoniously, there were exchanges of "farewell" and "good luck" but nothing more. It ended as if tomorrow will be the same, but they all knew it won't, but she didn't know how different it would be.
On board the train, she was listening to music as she always does everyday, and since she had just her SMAP AID packed in her portable player, she was listening to it, after all, it was supposed to lift up spirits right? Oh how very wrong she was...
Mercifully the train was not packed that night, given that it was already past the rush hour. She walked to a spot near the opposite door and leaned against the hand rail, her eyes taking in the night view and at the same time seeing nothing.
Fourteen stations.
She heaved a sigh.
In her player, the song Orenji started to play, and she could feel the weight of the day sinking in, being pushed down by the melody and words of the song
"Itazura na tenki no ame ga, basu wo oikoshite. orenji no tsubu ga machi ni kagayaite iru"
That effin bus ride she laughed bitterly in her mind.
"Sayonara to ieba kimi no kizu mo sukoshi wa ieru darou?"
Will it? I wonder when?
"Aitai yo to naita koe ga ima mo mune ni hibitte iru"
My God, you hadn't even set off to your destination and I'm missing you already.
When the song ended she could feel the tears welling and tried hard to divert her attention to something else. unfortunately, the next song vowed to anchor her mind on her current predicament.
'Stay. Hell, just what I need'
She remember way too well how that song played a part in the situation. A few days before he left she had posted that song on her facebook wall:
"let you know"
She posted it every chance she had, she does not even know if he sees her post, or if he ever bothered to open it, but she continued anyway. Like a silent prayer, a way of clutching to hope
"I'll be..."
'Man, the way the heart screws up the mind'
"won't you..."
that maybe he would listen to the song, or just be convinced by the title and
"Stay?"
She's almost the station now, but apparently, her player, or the album is so against her as it started playing Arigatou. She continued to listen though, and continued to held back her tears. Until she reached her destination. As she got out of the train, with the song still playing in her head and the memories continued to flow.
"Chiisana shiawase de ii"
She remembered the time they were on the same train. They walked the same steps, side by side, silently, until they separated
And she realized that it will never be repeated again.
Never.
Ever.
And she felt her chest tighten at the thought
"Bokura wa kitto tsuyoku narerunda"
'Hell I'm gonna need that' But she wished that the tears she was holding back at that moment will, one day make her stronger.
"Ai suru hito e"
'If only I can tell you that.'
"Arigatou."
She wondered how she managed to come home that day, fighting tears that are brimming, looming to fall any minute. But she made it. Not a single tear fell from the moment she read that email until she closed the door of her room. But as soon as solitude reigned, she sat at the edge of the bed and the tears came...
~o0o~
And now, two years had passed since that email came, since she cried her heart out because of him. Two years had passed and now here she is, sitting in front of her desk computer, supposedly working, but typing an email to him instead. Against better judgment she let herself go soft and reach out to him. It's been a while since they last talked, but today, in the anniversary of his departure, the urge to talk to him was so strong she just gave in. Oh well, no harm in trying right.
And so she did.
It's been two years but she realized that something's still there. Even though she can listen to her SMAP AID without bawling, the songs would still sometimes resonate the memories ad transport her back to those days.
~Fin~
'This is my last day...' the subject read, and despite the pile of work lined up she stopped, stared at the monitor as a wave of coldness swept down her spine.
'So it's finally come to this.'
The email made little effect on the floor as a lot of people had already gone home. That bastard made it a point to say his goodbye when there are so little people left probably to minimize the effect. She looked around, he was still there, together with some other team members who are left. her own superior had started a weird, sort of impromptu farewell video, cornering whoever is left that day. She went back to her work. The commotion was a little far from her so it's okay besides, she doesn't want the reality to sink in yet, because she knows what will happen if it did.
The day ended like any other day. He left unceremoniously, there were exchanges of "farewell" and "good luck" but nothing more. It ended as if tomorrow will be the same, but they all knew it won't, but she didn't know how different it would be.
On board the train, she was listening to music as she always does everyday, and since she had just her SMAP AID packed in her portable player, she was listening to it, after all, it was supposed to lift up spirits right? Oh how very wrong she was...
Mercifully the train was not packed that night, given that it was already past the rush hour. She walked to a spot near the opposite door and leaned against the hand rail, her eyes taking in the night view and at the same time seeing nothing.
Fourteen stations.
She heaved a sigh.
In her player, the song Orenji started to play, and she could feel the weight of the day sinking in, being pushed down by the melody and words of the song
"Itazura na tenki no ame ga, basu wo oikoshite. orenji no tsubu ga machi ni kagayaite iru"
That effin bus ride she laughed bitterly in her mind.
"Sayonara to ieba kimi no kizu mo sukoshi wa ieru darou?"
Will it? I wonder when?
"Aitai yo to naita koe ga ima mo mune ni hibitte iru"
My God, you hadn't even set off to your destination and I'm missing you already.
When the song ended she could feel the tears welling and tried hard to divert her attention to something else. unfortunately, the next song vowed to anchor her mind on her current predicament.
'Stay. Hell, just what I need'
She remember way too well how that song played a part in the situation. A few days before he left she had posted that song on her facebook wall:
"let you know"
She posted it every chance she had, she does not even know if he sees her post, or if he ever bothered to open it, but she continued anyway. Like a silent prayer, a way of clutching to hope
"I'll be..."
'Man, the way the heart screws up the mind'
"won't you..."
that maybe he would listen to the song, or just be convinced by the title and
"Stay?"
She's almost the station now, but apparently, her player, or the album is so against her as it started playing Arigatou. She continued to listen though, and continued to held back her tears. Until she reached her destination. As she got out of the train, with the song still playing in her head and the memories continued to flow.
"Chiisana shiawase de ii"
She remembered the time they were on the same train. They walked the same steps, side by side, silently, until they separated
And she realized that it will never be repeated again.
Never.
Ever.
And she felt her chest tighten at the thought
"Bokura wa kitto tsuyoku narerunda"
'Hell I'm gonna need that' But she wished that the tears she was holding back at that moment will, one day make her stronger.
"Ai suru hito e"
'If only I can tell you that.'
"Arigatou."
She wondered how she managed to come home that day, fighting tears that are brimming, looming to fall any minute. But she made it. Not a single tear fell from the moment she read that email until she closed the door of her room. But as soon as solitude reigned, she sat at the edge of the bed and the tears came...
~o0o~
And now, two years had passed since that email came, since she cried her heart out because of him. Two years had passed and now here she is, sitting in front of her desk computer, supposedly working, but typing an email to him instead. Against better judgment she let herself go soft and reach out to him. It's been a while since they last talked, but today, in the anniversary of his departure, the urge to talk to him was so strong she just gave in. Oh well, no harm in trying right.
And so she did.
It's been two years but she realized that something's still there. Even though she can listen to her SMAP AID without bawling, the songs would still sometimes resonate the memories ad transport her back to those days.
~Fin~