I'm smad
I hate that I write to bitch about stuff. I should write about happy stuff. But normally I just enjoy those times. I don't know.
I'm all over the place. I am so mad at my best friend, one miss Mara. So mad. I hate it.
I brush off a lot of stuff that she does, I do. And I'm okay with that. I just.... Okay. Starting from the top. Makes the venting easier.
Everyone needs to be able to vent, or bitch, or whatever you want to call it. A good friend is a good listener, one who understands that when you bitch, you don't want a solution or suggestion, you just want to get it out and be heard. That being said, Mara bitches a lot. She can't stand her roommate, or the fact that her roommate is a bad parent which leaves her dealing with a four year old that's not hers. She works 40-50 hours a week and gets severely annoyed by the people she works with. On top of all this are issues with her parents because, God knows, they're fucked up. And then pile on school.
So, I listen. I listen a lot. Every time we spend time together, the bitching happens at the beginning of the hanging out, goes on for somewhere between a half hour and an hour, and then we move on to drinking coffee, watching our shows, whatever. Is that normal? Feeling the need to vent about your roommate, or your job, or whatever every time you see the best friend?
I don't even know what I'm trying to say. All i know is that last night, Mara came over to hang out and watch SPN. She came over already cranky because of work and lack of sleep. I respect that. Things were going along mostly smooth. Towards the end of the night I mention something in passing about how Chris and I slipped up earlier and I am hoping it didn't get me pregnant. - Don't get me wrong. I want kids, at some point. I just want to want them, and want to be able to take good care of them. - It was a stupid mistake, and it's both our faults, I know this. However, what I said in passing causes Mara to flip out.
It starts with telling me that if I think I'm pregnant I need to stop taking birth control right now, and I need to see a doctor. I mention how I will probably go see a doc the next day and get the morning after pill. I mention how I'm not looking forward to having to see a doc, get a full work up, take the pill - which makes me nauseous (I've taken it once before, 5 years ago) and interrupts the new birth control I've started recently. Ya know what follows this?
Her standing up to leave and yelling at me - yelling at me- to grow the fuck up. There was a little more to it, but mostly I remember her repeating that I need to grow the fuck up. Yah. And then she walked out.
Seriously? All the bitching she does, and I'm not allowed to complain a smidge about how I don't want to go see a doctor, after I made a stupid mistake? On top of all of that, I just want to say a big "fuck you" to her. I am not her roommate who got pregnant at 17, under the influence, with someone she had no feelings for, with a shitty family situation that no child should be brought into. I am not that person. How dare you treat me like I am. I have a loving family, a steady job, I am married, and I am a consenting adult. I lead my own damn life, and I will deal with whatever happens. Don't take out your shitty day or shitty situation on me.
This makes me so angry and so sad, hence the smad. I'm not gonna talk to her for a while because I don't like the way this is making me feel and I don't want to become what has made me so pissed off - the person who takes out their frustrations with the world or a bad fay on their friends. I hate that i don't want to speak to her. Technically, it's not even that. I do want to talk, but I can't. Not right now. She's not going to apologize, because she doesn't ever think she's wrong.
*sigh*
So, in a week, I will take her some Starbucks at work, and tell her she's forgiven for taking out her crappy day on me and mistakenly thinking I was anything like her roommate. And things will get better.
But just for the record, I would be an amazing parent. I may have my own issues, but everyone does. The TV would not be the babysitter. The kid would be healthy, and well loved, and raised into a well adjusted family, with money, intelligence, and character. That kid would be the happiest child on the friggin playground. Or something like that.
Just wanted to clarify.
End of rant. I feel better. Even if nobody reads this, I feel better.
On the plus side of this, work is looking up-ish. Yeah. we'll leave it there for now.
I gotta register for classes. Whoo. Class. *shrug*
I'm all over the place. I am so mad at my best friend, one miss Mara. So mad. I hate it.
I brush off a lot of stuff that she does, I do. And I'm okay with that. I just.... Okay. Starting from the top. Makes the venting easier.
Everyone needs to be able to vent, or bitch, or whatever you want to call it. A good friend is a good listener, one who understands that when you bitch, you don't want a solution or suggestion, you just want to get it out and be heard. That being said, Mara bitches a lot. She can't stand her roommate, or the fact that her roommate is a bad parent which leaves her dealing with a four year old that's not hers. She works 40-50 hours a week and gets severely annoyed by the people she works with. On top of all this are issues with her parents because, God knows, they're fucked up. And then pile on school.
So, I listen. I listen a lot. Every time we spend time together, the bitching happens at the beginning of the hanging out, goes on for somewhere between a half hour and an hour, and then we move on to drinking coffee, watching our shows, whatever. Is that normal? Feeling the need to vent about your roommate, or your job, or whatever every time you see the best friend?
I don't even know what I'm trying to say. All i know is that last night, Mara came over to hang out and watch SPN. She came over already cranky because of work and lack of sleep. I respect that. Things were going along mostly smooth. Towards the end of the night I mention something in passing about how Chris and I slipped up earlier and I am hoping it didn't get me pregnant. - Don't get me wrong. I want kids, at some point. I just want to want them, and want to be able to take good care of them. - It was a stupid mistake, and it's both our faults, I know this. However, what I said in passing causes Mara to flip out.
It starts with telling me that if I think I'm pregnant I need to stop taking birth control right now, and I need to see a doctor. I mention how I will probably go see a doc the next day and get the morning after pill. I mention how I'm not looking forward to having to see a doc, get a full work up, take the pill - which makes me nauseous (I've taken it once before, 5 years ago) and interrupts the new birth control I've started recently. Ya know what follows this?
Her standing up to leave and yelling at me - yelling at me- to grow the fuck up. There was a little more to it, but mostly I remember her repeating that I need to grow the fuck up. Yah. And then she walked out.
Seriously? All the bitching she does, and I'm not allowed to complain a smidge about how I don't want to go see a doctor, after I made a stupid mistake? On top of all of that, I just want to say a big "fuck you" to her. I am not her roommate who got pregnant at 17, under the influence, with someone she had no feelings for, with a shitty family situation that no child should be brought into. I am not that person. How dare you treat me like I am. I have a loving family, a steady job, I am married, and I am a consenting adult. I lead my own damn life, and I will deal with whatever happens. Don't take out your shitty day or shitty situation on me.
This makes me so angry and so sad, hence the smad. I'm not gonna talk to her for a while because I don't like the way this is making me feel and I don't want to become what has made me so pissed off - the person who takes out their frustrations with the world or a bad fay on their friends. I hate that i don't want to speak to her. Technically, it's not even that. I do want to talk, but I can't. Not right now. She's not going to apologize, because she doesn't ever think she's wrong.
*sigh*
So, in a week, I will take her some Starbucks at work, and tell her she's forgiven for taking out her crappy day on me and mistakenly thinking I was anything like her roommate. And things will get better.
But just for the record, I would be an amazing parent. I may have my own issues, but everyone does. The TV would not be the babysitter. The kid would be healthy, and well loved, and raised into a well adjusted family, with money, intelligence, and character. That kid would be the happiest child on the friggin playground. Or something like that.
Just wanted to clarify.
End of rant. I feel better. Even if nobody reads this, I feel better.
On the plus side of this, work is looking up-ish. Yeah. we'll leave it there for now.
I gotta register for classes. Whoo. Class. *shrug*