L-word will be a lot of stress this year ladies....
I just got done watching the L-word..it was crazy-good...That is all there is to say about that hah.
Anyways, I am in a weird mood...I thought a lot today. My conclusion you ask? I love my friends sooo much. Today was not what I expected but, it made everything feel right in the world ya know what I mean? We were at Alorin and Kenny's and there was this slight drama..and yet no tension.. we all laughed, goofed off and just brushed it off... I mean we all have our issues but, when we are all together it's like none of that matters. It takes my mind off the rest of the world and for once I can find almost like this calming peace.. I don't know if that makes sense but, I know what I'm saying..ya know sometimes I think so much and about so many different things.. sane or not... I feel like if I don't get a break I will explode and when I'm around these 4 certain people...it's like it's all gone..."that what friends are for"... I also have realized that I put a lot of emotion in to music... I get so excited about a song and it's like no one understands but me...which, in fact is sad...but, i dunno..anyways I'm rambling..told ya weird mood...we played Life tonight..which for some reason I have been on this weird board game kick..oh well lol... I miss having someone to talk to tho...granted yes, I do have a million people that would listen to me but, for some reason I feel like its different..I'm not sure why...but, I miss Neil..hah it's one of those nights... but, it's all different now..and I accept it but I don't like it...Not right now anyways...which in fact leads me to missing Ben...he was almost like a replacment... I guess the thing about them two and my odd conection with them is that my whole Life I have been the grown up.. I have taken care of Ryan and Barry for the majority bc of this or that...and my dad is just oh-so distant and we have no sort of bond what so ever that it hurts... I'm not sure why we dont we just never have, once another child was born... my point being that Neil and Ben are kinda like my older brothers in an odd way...I feel so safe when I'm with them and I'm not sure why...they both used to just hold me and talk to me all the time about everything and nothing...it wasnt complicated and we didnt let people make it complicated..we knew what we were to each other and what we werent...we never crossed those lines...unless ben was drunk hahaha...anyways my point is simply that I dont have that anymore and its empty...also another thing bothering me lately is since I was 16 I have been ecspecially expected to do the right thing and I finnally got sick of it and rebelled...my pride of letting people help me tho is starting to bite back...Im starting to feel dumb if that makes sense? I'm so used to being in school that goin so long without feels horriable...bc honestly I love to learn..I miss reading and deadlines...I miss it all...I used to be upset bc I wasnt going to have the real "college" experince..going away, dorms, and all that jazz.but, not so much anymore...I like where I am, location wise, I love the people and my family...I just really wanna go back to school and not just to be able to get out...but for all the right reason I guess? anyways I miss holding someone...thats odd i guess but oh well...khaos is starting to sleep in the bed more lol..its never the same tho lol...but, oddly enough I dont want to be in a relationship either..I like being able to do what I want and being just me for once..not brittneyandsoandso like we are joined together know what i mean? Which encourges the sex question which I have been asked about lately lol and I guess the thing is I dont like to have sex with people Im not involved with and Im ok not having sex right now simply bc its meaningless for me..its a few seconds ( or hours) of pleasure and thats all..thats it to me..I dunno Its weird bc I dont like tame sex often and some might think that meanigful sex is always or majorly tame...and it shouldnt be but, thats besides the point but, ....ok so I had more to my point but, amanda was asking me about what i was writing and we got started talking about it and I lost my point of what I was about to say haha oh well anyways.. things have changed a lot from last year..infact just about everything in my life has changed including me which is good in a lot of ways and others awkward..but, its life and its all good... I keep listening to the song "she only smokes when she drinks" ...just an odd comment...anyways Trisha, sorry we didnt make it to your party...Im still in pain from Evies bday party and sarah I apologize about bailing on the club but, we have already talked about that..and as for Summer coming to see us I hope it happens soooooo Much!!! I really wanna hang out with you, you MILF!!!!!!!!! anyways Im gonna go lay down and attempt to sleep...but as an after thought...Amanda and I went to Evies 4th bday party at Pump it up and I had more fun there with 18 kids than I had in a while... There was this 2 year old kid little boy names Chandler that I got attatched too and vice versa ... we went down the slide atleast 25 times and ran around together anyways yea..I love kids... and Simon was talking about how I'm really good with kids and Lisa (not that one guys..) was talking about how good I am with them and that I should do something with kids...and it got me thinking that maybe i should bc they bring a lot of smiles to my face...its crazy..I dont understand how anyone could not like kids..its beyond me but, anyways... my feet are cold...haha big surprise...so Im gonna go lay down...and I will talk to you guys later....btw my window got fixed..if you didnt hear it got broke out at Metro last week and my purse was stolen...ahhh this lovely game that is life....
Did you ask her to dance
Let me guess, she told you no
Got to take her some place quiet
And see how far that goes
Oh, don't take it all that hard
When she smiles and turns you down
For a complicated girl
She ain't that hard to figure out
She only smokes when she drinks
She only drinks now and then
Now and then when she's tired
Of bein' let down by men
You can give her a light
But it's not what you think
Everybody knows she only drinks alone
And she only smokes when she drinks
Anyways, I am in a weird mood...I thought a lot today. My conclusion you ask? I love my friends sooo much. Today was not what I expected but, it made everything feel right in the world ya know what I mean? We were at Alorin and Kenny's and there was this slight drama..and yet no tension.. we all laughed, goofed off and just brushed it off... I mean we all have our issues but, when we are all together it's like none of that matters. It takes my mind off the rest of the world and for once I can find almost like this calming peace.. I don't know if that makes sense but, I know what I'm saying..ya know sometimes I think so much and about so many different things.. sane or not... I feel like if I don't get a break I will explode and when I'm around these 4 certain people...it's like it's all gone..."that what friends are for"... I also have realized that I put a lot of emotion in to music... I get so excited about a song and it's like no one understands but me...which, in fact is sad...but, i dunno..anyways I'm rambling..told ya weird mood...we played Life tonight..which for some reason I have been on this weird board game kick..oh well lol... I miss having someone to talk to tho...granted yes, I do have a million people that would listen to me but, for some reason I feel like its different..I'm not sure why...but, I miss Neil..hah it's one of those nights... but, it's all different now..and I accept it but I don't like it...Not right now anyways...which in fact leads me to missing Ben...he was almost like a replacment... I guess the thing about them two and my odd conection with them is that my whole Life I have been the grown up.. I have taken care of Ryan and Barry for the majority bc of this or that...and my dad is just oh-so distant and we have no sort of bond what so ever that it hurts... I'm not sure why we dont we just never have, once another child was born... my point being that Neil and Ben are kinda like my older brothers in an odd way...I feel so safe when I'm with them and I'm not sure why...they both used to just hold me and talk to me all the time about everything and nothing...it wasnt complicated and we didnt let people make it complicated..we knew what we were to each other and what we werent...we never crossed those lines...unless ben was drunk hahaha...anyways my point is simply that I dont have that anymore and its empty...also another thing bothering me lately is since I was 16 I have been ecspecially expected to do the right thing and I finnally got sick of it and rebelled...my pride of letting people help me tho is starting to bite back...Im starting to feel dumb if that makes sense? I'm so used to being in school that goin so long without feels horriable...bc honestly I love to learn..I miss reading and deadlines...I miss it all...I used to be upset bc I wasnt going to have the real "college" experince..going away, dorms, and all that jazz.but, not so much anymore...I like where I am, location wise, I love the people and my family...I just really wanna go back to school and not just to be able to get out...but for all the right reason I guess? anyways I miss holding someone...thats odd i guess but oh well...khaos is starting to sleep in the bed more lol..its never the same tho lol...but, oddly enough I dont want to be in a relationship either..I like being able to do what I want and being just me for once..not brittneyandsoandso like we are joined together know what i mean? Which encourges the sex question which I have been asked about lately lol and I guess the thing is I dont like to have sex with people Im not involved with and Im ok not having sex right now simply bc its meaningless for me..its a few seconds ( or hours) of pleasure and thats all..thats it to me..I dunno Its weird bc I dont like tame sex often and some might think that meanigful sex is always or majorly tame...and it shouldnt be but, thats besides the point but, ....ok so I had more to my point but, amanda was asking me about what i was writing and we got started talking about it and I lost my point of what I was about to say haha oh well anyways.. things have changed a lot from last year..infact just about everything in my life has changed including me which is good in a lot of ways and others awkward..but, its life and its all good... I keep listening to the song "she only smokes when she drinks" ...just an odd comment...anyways Trisha, sorry we didnt make it to your party...Im still in pain from Evies bday party and sarah I apologize about bailing on the club but, we have already talked about that..and as for Summer coming to see us I hope it happens soooooo Much!!! I really wanna hang out with you, you MILF!!!!!!!!! anyways Im gonna go lay down and attempt to sleep...but as an after thought...Amanda and I went to Evies 4th bday party at Pump it up and I had more fun there with 18 kids than I had in a while... There was this 2 year old kid little boy names Chandler that I got attatched too and vice versa ... we went down the slide atleast 25 times and ran around together anyways yea..I love kids... and Simon was talking about how I'm really good with kids and Lisa (not that one guys..) was talking about how good I am with them and that I should do something with kids...and it got me thinking that maybe i should bc they bring a lot of smiles to my face...its crazy..I dont understand how anyone could not like kids..its beyond me but, anyways... my feet are cold...haha big surprise...so Im gonna go lay down...and I will talk to you guys later....btw my window got fixed..if you didnt hear it got broke out at Metro last week and my purse was stolen...ahhh this lovely game that is life....
Did you ask her to dance
Let me guess, she told you no
Got to take her some place quiet
And see how far that goes
Oh, don't take it all that hard
When she smiles and turns you down
For a complicated girl
She ain't that hard to figure out
She only smokes when she drinks
She only drinks now and then
Now and then when she's tired
Of bein' let down by men
You can give her a light
But it's not what you think
Everybody knows she only drinks alone
And she only smokes when she drinks