a new perspective
i realized after my last entry that the way i was feeling was no way to live at all. so i have been changing my perspectives and getting back to the basics....God. i need to look at the bigger picture of why He has put me here and what His purpose for me and my life is.
i started the Purpose Driven Life with two of my good friends who are helping to keep me accountable. the first day's reading was talking about how everything starts with God. and to find what your purpose here is, you can't begin looking within yourself. God is the one who created you (with a plan for you nonetheless) so He is the only one who can inform you of your purpose here on earth. the second day was knowing that you are not an accident. to your parents you may have been an accident, but not to God. He knew He wanted you, and He knew why He wanted you. knowing this, i began wondering all of the things about me that God meant for me to entail that i don't particularly care for. regardless of whether it was about my personality, my looks, my lifestyle, my background...i began thinking that there was no reason for me to dislike anything about myself. i am me, i am who God created me to be...and that should be all that matters!
today has hit me a little harder. our reading for the day describes that our purpose is so often driven by many different forces. a few examples the book gave was guilt, past experiences, fear, materialism, need for approval, etc. for me personally, i have allowed many other things to be my driving force, so much to the point that i have placed other more important things off to the side. these things have included guilt (thinking that because of past actions i wouldn't be good enough for certain situations or for God, completely forgetting that as long as i ask for forgiveness and turned from those actions, i would be granted forgiveness), my past and fears...due to my father abandoning my mother and me, i automatically go into relationships with a lack of trust. this isn't fair to whomever God may be placing in my life for me to help and grow close to if i am only afraid of the rejection and abandonment. instead i need to realize that God is in control and He wouldn't be putting these people in my life if He didn't know what He was doing. He knows my heart is broken, and i know i need to seek Him in order to mend it, but the people in my life here and now are there for a reason.
i started the Purpose Driven Life with two of my good friends who are helping to keep me accountable. the first day's reading was talking about how everything starts with God. and to find what your purpose here is, you can't begin looking within yourself. God is the one who created you (with a plan for you nonetheless) so He is the only one who can inform you of your purpose here on earth. the second day was knowing that you are not an accident. to your parents you may have been an accident, but not to God. He knew He wanted you, and He knew why He wanted you. knowing this, i began wondering all of the things about me that God meant for me to entail that i don't particularly care for. regardless of whether it was about my personality, my looks, my lifestyle, my background...i began thinking that there was no reason for me to dislike anything about myself. i am me, i am who God created me to be...and that should be all that matters!
today has hit me a little harder. our reading for the day describes that our purpose is so often driven by many different forces. a few examples the book gave was guilt, past experiences, fear, materialism, need for approval, etc. for me personally, i have allowed many other things to be my driving force, so much to the point that i have placed other more important things off to the side. these things have included guilt (thinking that because of past actions i wouldn't be good enough for certain situations or for God, completely forgetting that as long as i ask for forgiveness and turned from those actions, i would be granted forgiveness), my past and fears...due to my father abandoning my mother and me, i automatically go into relationships with a lack of trust. this isn't fair to whomever God may be placing in my life for me to help and grow close to if i am only afraid of the rejection and abandonment. instead i need to realize that God is in control and He wouldn't be putting these people in my life if He didn't know what He was doing. He knows my heart is broken, and i know i need to seek Him in order to mend it, but the people in my life here and now are there for a reason.