Two in one day amazing... but this one is a bit deeper and a little bit harder
So I was reading posts and realized that low and behold yes it is the time of year when classes begin. This reminded me that I have a packet upstairs that needs my attention.
It is not an easy thing. It is a packet for a religous class... a conversion class.
As many may or may not know I was born Catholic... sent to religous classes from preschool to 10th grade, I have been baptized, given communion, and confirmed. The problem... from 2nd grad on, I could have cared less about all of it. Seriously the transition from talking about old testment stuff like noah, mosses, and genesis to talking about jesus killed my sense of awe and wonder about it all. I cannot and will not make that true leap of faith
I believe that Jesus was a man, and a great man of his time.... but the rest of it that could be a fiction book that I read similar to Dune and their spice and seeing time. I can't believe that there is a melange that will let you be the many people at once, and I just can't make that other leap. My brain won't do it.... don't get me wrong I believe the world flooded and noah was in that ark the whole time... I believe genesis and the story of mosses... but I have a block in the other area.
My husband he is not catholic... he is Jewish. And what I have found is that the more I learn of Judaism the more I find myself finding it the right fit for me. I find it easy to follow, easy to believe, and it resonates with my beliefs and my heart. So what I have upstairs is a packet for the conversion and introduction class. It feels right, and I want to do it....
The problem is I am scared... not of the class... not the whole change... I am scared of my mother! That's right my mom, she is the one who we were raised after *dad after all is a luthran*. She is the one who doesn't understand my friends, my hobbies, and why I choose to be who I am. Does anyone think she would handle me rejecting her religion and upbringing? I don't.... I am thinking I would be throughly disowned!
I know what you will say... well she wouldn't throw you out of the family.... but at the same time I know my mom... she will take it as the fact that I didn't like my upbringing. Which isn't at all true... I was raised in a loving house where I got what I needed and most of what I wanted.
So what I am afraid of is telling my mom. She has little to no clue that I am thinking this way... but I am only thinking about it because of her. She prompted this search. After Grandma died my sister went to church.. I went to work. My mom and I were arguing at this point, and that fact came up, and after 5 minutes of literally screaming at each other she yelled "You can't just be nothing, pick something" what I am sure she meant was come to church with her. What ended up happening is that it opened my horizion to being something else. I get the most profound thoughts and moments of brillance from small comments such as not all cups are round and you can't just be nothing pick somthing was right there with it.
I studied other religions for a time. But judaism seemed to fit. And no it isn't just my husband. I got to learn from others too! I read books, I even went to a class that was a short intro to a piece of the puzzle. I was home as far as I knew. I am going to go to that class.... but now the real question... how do I tell my mom?
Sighs
well a thought for later... now my thoughts are of bed...
It is not an easy thing. It is a packet for a religous class... a conversion class.
As many may or may not know I was born Catholic... sent to religous classes from preschool to 10th grade, I have been baptized, given communion, and confirmed. The problem... from 2nd grad on, I could have cared less about all of it. Seriously the transition from talking about old testment stuff like noah, mosses, and genesis to talking about jesus killed my sense of awe and wonder about it all. I cannot and will not make that true leap of faith
I believe that Jesus was a man, and a great man of his time.... but the rest of it that could be a fiction book that I read similar to Dune and their spice and seeing time. I can't believe that there is a melange that will let you be the many people at once, and I just can't make that other leap. My brain won't do it.... don't get me wrong I believe the world flooded and noah was in that ark the whole time... I believe genesis and the story of mosses... but I have a block in the other area.
My husband he is not catholic... he is Jewish. And what I have found is that the more I learn of Judaism the more I find myself finding it the right fit for me. I find it easy to follow, easy to believe, and it resonates with my beliefs and my heart. So what I have upstairs is a packet for the conversion and introduction class. It feels right, and I want to do it....
The problem is I am scared... not of the class... not the whole change... I am scared of my mother! That's right my mom, she is the one who we were raised after *dad after all is a luthran*. She is the one who doesn't understand my friends, my hobbies, and why I choose to be who I am. Does anyone think she would handle me rejecting her religion and upbringing? I don't.... I am thinking I would be throughly disowned!
I know what you will say... well she wouldn't throw you out of the family.... but at the same time I know my mom... she will take it as the fact that I didn't like my upbringing. Which isn't at all true... I was raised in a loving house where I got what I needed and most of what I wanted.
So what I am afraid of is telling my mom. She has little to no clue that I am thinking this way... but I am only thinking about it because of her. She prompted this search. After Grandma died my sister went to church.. I went to work. My mom and I were arguing at this point, and that fact came up, and after 5 minutes of literally screaming at each other she yelled "You can't just be nothing, pick something" what I am sure she meant was come to church with her. What ended up happening is that it opened my horizion to being something else. I get the most profound thoughts and moments of brillance from small comments such as not all cups are round and you can't just be nothing pick somthing was right there with it.
I studied other religions for a time. But judaism seemed to fit. And no it isn't just my husband. I got to learn from others too! I read books, I even went to a class that was a short intro to a piece of the puzzle. I was home as far as I knew. I am going to go to that class.... but now the real question... how do I tell my mom?
Sighs
well a thought for later... now my thoughts are of bed...