WRiTiNG...
Reflection. It’s honestly one of my favorite things to do, regardless of the reason why I feel that I need to reflect (positive or negative). I feel that I haven’t done it enough. My life seems to have been on fast-forward lately and that has caused me a couple of stress-induced meltdowns that really weren’t necessary.
I’ve been out of touch with myself, as far as doing what I need to do to please me. I’m always worried about everyone else around me, what others need from me, what they want, what will upset/please them; that I haven’t taken the time to worry about what I need as far as taking a break to recharge my batteries, shut down the engines and get myself back to neutral (What can I say? I love Vince Vaughn =D). I need to give myself ME time, as selfish as that may sound.
This is one prime example: my writing. Writing is therapeutic for me and I used to write endlessly about all that was going on in my life. Now, I am certain that was the outlet that helped me maintain my sanity. I instantly felt comfort as soon as my hands hit the keyboard (willingly, that is, because I’ve had to come to my laptop for other things such as assignments that no one ever wants to do in the first place). My last blog/journal entry was on Sept. 16th of last year and that was over 6 months ago. I haven’t even written anything on paper, or on my Word doc journal.
For the last few months, life has been a constant of school, work, tutoring, internship, boyfriend, family, friends, extracurriculars, papers, projects, bills, financial troubles due to said bills, babysitting, and constantly trying to catch up on sleep just to do it all over again. It has been physically exhausting and emotionally draining and up until I had my meltdown with my mom last weekend, I didn’t realize that I had so many pressures and frustrations built up inside of me. This is why on my recent trip to Berkeley, Tommy purchased this great t-shirt for me, that completely delineates how I’ve felt lately.
Talking with my mom about it really helped put me at ease regarding my issues with her and my family in general. My 2nd meltdown was a few days after the first one, except this time Tommy had to endure the brunt of it. We talked about everything and later on he pointed out the new John Mayer song, “Say” that he put on the CD he made me. I really listened to the lyrics and truthfully, I have felt like I have been “walkin’ like a one man army”. I take on way too much because I want to please everyone, but by doing that I have stretched myself way too thin and I’ve lost a part of myself. My mom pointed it out on Easter and my cousin noticed it as well. I miss me and I’m determined to get myself off of “auto-pilot” and back to living life and savoring it for all it’s worth. That’s not to say that I haven’t been enjoying myself at all, but the joys of my life have been overshadowed by all the responsibilities I take on. I need to remind myself that it’s okay to say ‘no’ to ppl when I can’t do something. I need to know that it’s okay to “say what you need to say”.
I’m going to make time so I can write and also to get back into doing arts and crafts. I noticed that I haven’t done anything artsy in a long time and I really miss using my imagination to create beautiful things. I think when I get my tax return I’m going to use some of that money to develop a crapload of my pictures so I can work on the big frame I’ve had in my closet for over 3 years. I did spend hell of money to take that photography class, so I might as well enjoy the products of it. Or I might buy some paints and work on my Van Gogh creation I’ve been dreaming up forever. Whatever I decide to do, I’m going to use my creativity because I think that, just like the mind, is a precious thing to waste.
I’ve been out of touch with myself, as far as doing what I need to do to please me. I’m always worried about everyone else around me, what others need from me, what they want, what will upset/please them; that I haven’t taken the time to worry about what I need as far as taking a break to recharge my batteries, shut down the engines and get myself back to neutral (What can I say? I love Vince Vaughn =D). I need to give myself ME time, as selfish as that may sound.
This is one prime example: my writing. Writing is therapeutic for me and I used to write endlessly about all that was going on in my life. Now, I am certain that was the outlet that helped me maintain my sanity. I instantly felt comfort as soon as my hands hit the keyboard (willingly, that is, because I’ve had to come to my laptop for other things such as assignments that no one ever wants to do in the first place). My last blog/journal entry was on Sept. 16th of last year and that was over 6 months ago. I haven’t even written anything on paper, or on my Word doc journal.
For the last few months, life has been a constant of school, work, tutoring, internship, boyfriend, family, friends, extracurriculars, papers, projects, bills, financial troubles due to said bills, babysitting, and constantly trying to catch up on sleep just to do it all over again. It has been physically exhausting and emotionally draining and up until I had my meltdown with my mom last weekend, I didn’t realize that I had so many pressures and frustrations built up inside of me. This is why on my recent trip to Berkeley, Tommy purchased this great t-shirt for me, that completely delineates how I’ve felt lately.
Talking with my mom about it really helped put me at ease regarding my issues with her and my family in general. My 2nd meltdown was a few days after the first one, except this time Tommy had to endure the brunt of it. We talked about everything and later on he pointed out the new John Mayer song, “Say” that he put on the CD he made me. I really listened to the lyrics and truthfully, I have felt like I have been “walkin’ like a one man army”. I take on way too much because I want to please everyone, but by doing that I have stretched myself way too thin and I’ve lost a part of myself. My mom pointed it out on Easter and my cousin noticed it as well. I miss me and I’m determined to get myself off of “auto-pilot” and back to living life and savoring it for all it’s worth. That’s not to say that I haven’t been enjoying myself at all, but the joys of my life have been overshadowed by all the responsibilities I take on. I need to remind myself that it’s okay to say ‘no’ to ppl when I can’t do something. I need to know that it’s okay to “say what you need to say”.
I’m going to make time so I can write and also to get back into doing arts and crafts. I noticed that I haven’t done anything artsy in a long time and I really miss using my imagination to create beautiful things. I think when I get my tax return I’m going to use some of that money to develop a crapload of my pictures so I can work on the big frame I’ve had in my closet for over 3 years. I did spend hell of money to take that photography class, so I might as well enjoy the products of it. Or I might buy some paints and work on my Van Gogh creation I’ve been dreaming up forever. Whatever I decide to do, I’m going to use my creativity because I think that, just like the mind, is a precious thing to waste.