(no subject)
Wow. It's been a long time. Even though I end up checking email about once a week, I never seem to sit down and go through LJ, or even write anything longer than a few lines. Partially because I think that I'm boring and have nothing to write about, partially because I sit down at the keyboard and either blank out or start to become really homesick, and partially because (in emails at least) I kind of have to censor myself from complaining too much.
I mean, I've been learning a whole lot here. I'm having these interesting life experiences and meeting great people- I feel like I'm being ungrateful for all of it. But more than two months have passed, and I've fallen into a routine that has the same basic flaws that have always been there. Most importantly, I don't feel like I'm doing anything worthwhile.
For a while all of the introspection and analysis of where I'm going was a good thing. I figured out where I want to go and what I want to be doing. But now that I know what needs to happen it feels as though I'm wasting my time because I'm not able to do anything to accomplish those goals.
I don't know. I feel kind of bad that the first peep from me in a long time is this confused rambling about being unhappy, but there's not really anyone here that I can talk to about all of this.
There is a kind of upside though- soon I go to Panama, and then my parents come, and by the time that's all over February will be almost over as well. And then it's only another month or so. Yes, it will be kind of sad to leave (especially the family), but even so my estimated time of departure keeps being pushed forward.
Alright. I hope you all are having a wonderful time at school or work!
I mean, I've been learning a whole lot here. I'm having these interesting life experiences and meeting great people- I feel like I'm being ungrateful for all of it. But more than two months have passed, and I've fallen into a routine that has the same basic flaws that have always been there. Most importantly, I don't feel like I'm doing anything worthwhile.
For a while all of the introspection and analysis of where I'm going was a good thing. I figured out where I want to go and what I want to be doing. But now that I know what needs to happen it feels as though I'm wasting my time because I'm not able to do anything to accomplish those goals.
I don't know. I feel kind of bad that the first peep from me in a long time is this confused rambling about being unhappy, but there's not really anyone here that I can talk to about all of this.
There is a kind of upside though- soon I go to Panama, and then my parents come, and by the time that's all over February will be almost over as well. And then it's only another month or so. Yes, it will be kind of sad to leave (especially the family), but even so my estimated time of departure keeps being pushed forward.
Alright. I hope you all are having a wonderful time at school or work!