Going Home
Leaving after Christmas is always bittersweet. Not only because I have to say goodbye to my family but because despite my complaints about it over the years, Michigan is so comfortable and familiar to me. I've spent the last two weeks regaining any and all weight I lost in the previous four months, drunk a large part of the time, and completely relaxed. I feel ready for the coming semester but conflicted. Not just because I want to sleep till noon every day instead of returning to my role as a productive member of society, but because the last one left me feeling so shaken.
I had a ridiculously long lunch with my favorite former professor and now friend, who boosted my ailing ego and made me feel better. Even after that, I'm honestly not sure I can do this. My first four months in New York were brutal, beyond any expectation of such and I'm not anxious to relive my abject poverty, feelings of isolation and lack-luster academic performance. I tell myself it is going to be different--better--this time around; to the point that I mostly believe it. I tell myself that I atleast know what to expect this time and I won't be going in blind.
I'm still scared to go back though. Here, it's all like a bad dream that I have woken up from. Am I just burnt out already? Or worse, was it really all just a semblance of intellect to begin with?
Who knows. Either way it's time to face the music.
I had a ridiculously long lunch with my favorite former professor and now friend, who boosted my ailing ego and made me feel better. Even after that, I'm honestly not sure I can do this. My first four months in New York were brutal, beyond any expectation of such and I'm not anxious to relive my abject poverty, feelings of isolation and lack-luster academic performance. I tell myself it is going to be different--better--this time around; to the point that I mostly believe it. I tell myself that I atleast know what to expect this time and I won't be going in blind.
I'm still scared to go back though. Here, it's all like a bad dream that I have woken up from. Am I just burnt out already? Or worse, was it really all just a semblance of intellect to begin with?
Who knows. Either way it's time to face the music.