Pissy Rant and Lovely Photo

[celerest]

I have a rant. This rant is about an LJ community, or rather my experiences within said community. As such, it is behind a cut. If you look at it, I do not expect you to argue with me here. I really am too mad for words and anyone trying to tell me that I am wrong on my own turf will not be handled with care. You have been warned.

Comments

[celticess]

I saw that thread and one other and purposely avoided it. I've learned sometimes to avoid posting because people can get nasty on some threads.(not specifically in that comm but specifically on the net in general on autism/AS comms)

I'd like to see a sunset pic of where you live. My family is from the UK btw but I've never been there. I've had two ex bf's from there though lol (the one from Liverpool has a house in Lancaster and now is working in Finland. The other I lost track of but was living in Newcastle last I heard) Someday I hope to visit where my family came from but right now seems far away as I can't afford it. :P

Oh and you could take some pics of wild animals. I've heard you get the hedgies wild there and they'll go into food dishes.

Btw on the going big vocab yes that bothers me too. In particular because I do get what they are saying but I can't reply at that level(my expressive language is fair bit different than my receptive). While I do ok when writing(though spelling errors and wrong version of words with multiple spellings) or okish in speaking(mess up sound alike words, pronoun reversals, problems with pronoucing somethings, etc)... I can spot when someone is using language as a weapon or to be snooty and I hate it. While I can't for the life of me "see" my own writing errors I can spot others but I don't go language nazi on them.(particularly bugs me when people go language nazi on me when they've been told I have language issues that I've worked on for 30+ years and they wont go away)

On my grad I got accepted to Pasadena Art's Center in California for the Automotive Design program. I didn't take it because I didn't know how to find housing(they didn't have dorms) and I'd of needed visa's so I gave up on it. I scored 2nd highest in western canada on the California Achievement tests for the years I took the tests(grades 4-8). The person that scored highest was my classmate. I was stunned at my scores but glad the teacher got permission to show the class. It rather shut them up on calling me stupid.(they liked to treat me like stupid despite being in the gifted classes because they knew I was dealing with various disabilities) Despite being considered smart though sometimes I don't feel smart I think it kind of evens out because somethings I'm quite clueless in that regular people get and I get things they just don't. *shrug*

Btw I've dealt with one case of misdiagnoses(ADD RT by a regular doc which was overturned by 3 psychologists and one psychatrist). I also dealt with label change simply due to the times. MBD was the catchall of the 70's and because I spoke and would cuddle specific people(my dad and a few of his family and my moms mother) I wasn't listed as autistic. My mom didn't seem suprised when she found out my label several years ago so I think it must of been mentioned when I was tiny too.(though Kanners criteria was more restrictive in Canada back when I was small)

[celerest]

Yes - I am learning this about AS type communities and such. I truly think that some AS people use the fact that they have a label/diagnosis to justify saying what they like how they like, and that is not right. By all means be who you are, but everyone in every walk of life has to give at least some consideration to other people.

Sunset I can do. Hedgehog in a bowl may be more of an issue, as I live in a flat in a city atm, and you hardly ever see them. A fox I may be able to snap if I am lucky - they bin raid near me. Wild animals I shall see what I can do on. I want to take my camera back home to the animal park I worked on that I told you about - they have deer there, but they are friendly enough to go up and cuddle if they know you. Makes for some great photographs.

Language Nazi - that phrase says it all really. As far as the school experience goes, I got that too. Always graded above everyone else (most of the time) but was still talked to like I was stupid - easy target I guess, and that was without a diagnosis. By my last 2 years their attitudes had changed tho - I had shown my worth, as it were. Developing a smoking habit helped my streed cred - a sad truth.

Misdiagnosis must be horrid. I was worried about it, but for no reason it seems.

[celerest]

And also, as a child my extensive vocab caused me to be singled out and bullied sometimes, so now I intentionally keep a lid on it, so it narks me even more when people go nazi on me.

[celticess]

For me it frustrates me when they go nazi on me and I have to restraing myself from going to vulgar response.(partly too because I know I don't have a thick skin and am sensitive and will meltdown offline hurt if they get more mean) Normally I don't swear mutch but they push the button you know. See what it is for me is I can't get it out written or verbally and they I think feel some victory in seeing the struggled response or the gibbled response. Something about the way they phrase things. So it just gets under my skin because I can't get the words out which I'd like to use to make my point or tell them nicely to stick it. The more flustered or unwell I'm feeling the worse my ability to express gets.(I get to the point of dropping words or letters or adding letters)

For school I had mixed results. I was doing algebra from my sisters grade 10 math book in grade 4. Mostly my teachers were harsh on me marking due to spelling errors and other expressive language problems. They also tended to point out they knew I could do better but didn't often explain themselves. The courses I was left alone in were art and music. Only hostilities I dealt with there from teachers was when I quit music after injuring my hand. Seems the band teacher had hoped to help me along in that line and was mad I wasn't going professional.(he was like how some sports coaches are if one of their better players quit... he went ballistic and was very very angry at me. Seething every time he saw me calling me a quitter. He knew my hand was partially paralized! That of course affects performance and speed) Though I must say highschool was a little less hell than elementry. My thing in highschool was computers, math, art and band. I tutored and I also had a unique dressing style which combined with my weird sense of humour allowed me a few friends.(though they were classed as the freaks and geeks as school culture goes) If your wondering on the humour... I got my whole class singing "loui loui" for Western Civ.(normally I kind of blended but I was in a silly mood and stimming out on "loui loui... loui loui... gotta go now")

[celerest]

That is exactly how I feel about the way they use words as a weapon. Then someone comes along and says that aspies do not say things in an unstated way, and that what they say is what they mean - they seem to believe that someone with AS is incapable of conveying distaste or mockery through words without actually saying 'I am mocking you now'.

Yes, some autistics may not be able to manage the intricacies of language that well, but I for one can add tone to what I type, as very well can most of the AS people who use LJ. They just like to pretend that they cant because they can get away with more. My oppinion.

[celticess]

Funny enough I think some of us have a very good sense of sarcasim and parody... I've seen us displaying our humour in that manner before and also sometimes our anger in that way.

Btw on us not being able to read between the lines. I think while some of us might be incapable of us others of us are poor at it but capable. I've learned a little bit of it from life experience. Other times while I don't get it I get this feeling that something isn't right and it might not be a very nice thing though I as they say "can't put my finger on it."

With expressing myself sometimes despite my problems I can do it quite well. Other days I really struggle or wonder if I'm making my point clear.

Btw I have the ability to read several non english languages though I don't speak any non english languages fluently. I know some cantonese because of my children, some ASL because of my son, some french because we had to in school, and some latin in passing bits mentioned years ago in school. I'm not sure fully why I can grasp other languages or just know what bits mean but I suspect it's due to my visual ability and ability to spot patterns. So for me sometimes I find humour in language because of finding another meaning for a word(in some english slang or varient of english) or because it means something in another language. I've seen other autistics with better expressive language ability also do word play. Though a few I wonder if they go out of their way to use long words. I think most don't but some do because it makes them feel better than others maybe. *shrug*

[celerest]

Its like the people who say people with AS can't lie - wtf? I could lie my way out of anything when I was younger.

We have a sense of humour - many have a wicked sense of fun and humour - it sometimes is not a common-place kind of humour, but it is definately there :)

Reading between the lines and manipulating language/people are skills which I believe are on a spectrum also. Some people with AS can't do them at all, some totaly can, and some have marginal abilities. Im fairly good with between the lines stuff if it is emotional (like anger or sarcasm) but miss it often if it is to do with social conventions and such. I recognise that 'cant put my finger on it' feeling also, and I hate when people tell me I am imagining that.

Word Play is not hard if you have a perseveration with words (as I do from time to time) - the meanings and sounds they make. I understand the humour in that :)

People too often assume that we dont have humour or the ability to manipulate, and one way of manipulating is to claim you can't do it!

[celticess]

Well I am capable of lying but generally don't see the logic in it. I do white lie on occasion but mostly that is because I know what its like to sometimes feel hurt by things and if I sense it may hurt someone I may carefully phrase what I say. Most times it's not so much not lying as just doesn't occur to people and they are blunt.(so more of not realizing you've done some sort of social faux pas)

For manipulative people they bug me. If I spot one I try to avoid them because I don't like being hurt. I also try to avoid the ones though that use language in a twisty way to tie people in knots and in groups walk the grey line of what they know they can get kicked for. I do know someone that does that but has learned to not do it with me and they learned there are concequences.(because you walk that grey line for long enough causing squabbles or blowups with twisty speak people get fed up and you get thrown out of a group... the person in question got tossed off the UF message board though) Now though I think they probably hang in areas where they can get into reasoned debate. I think they are good at it and get a rush from it. But years ago I think they got a rush from messing with people on the board. They aren't ac though. But I think there is one in every crowd like that and they either grow up and knock it off or they end up voted off the island.

[celerest]

Or they end up leading the country :) Oops - there goes my political views of the US getting in the way again.

I used to lie as a child, but now I don't do it - I don't like it and like you don't really see the point. I also white lie. As for manipulation, I know how to do it was my point - people make out like AS folk can't possibly do things like that. News flash - they totaly can. They just do it differently perhaps, or in different situations.

Debate is fun but only if it is reciprocal and dont in light heartedness or on even ground. Debate of one-up-manship is horrid.