(no subject)
Blargh.
Overslept, missed valuable study time.
Jason did call though, but I felt as though the conversation was a wee bit awkward. I kept wanting to say "I miss you" but _not_ wanting to be such a girl.
Grr. Manly woman.
I should be finally getting a new computer next month, which means regular net access and maybe (dare I hope) coming back to the world of fan fiction. I've been gone a good, long time and, although I feel bad for it, I also feel a little rediculous. I mean, my computer breaks, so I'm gone for a year? That's the most pathetic excuse ever.
I was actually thinking the other day about the first time I went into fictalk, and about the Blues Night RR (my first 'appearance'). I was thinking about all of my old friends who I don't even talk to anymore, about people I used to hate and now think are my friend, about people I _still_ hate, about people I used to idealize and set myself far away from and now I feel very friendly towards. And, I thought about myself.
I was fifteen when I entered the community. No one knew for quite some time (not until I was sixteen, anyway. Gee, and that was all grown up, then!) how old I was. It was nice, getting to know people of my own intellectual age without having worried about the other. I'll be twenty in a few months. Five years, almost. Five years and I've created nothing, done nothing and been good for practically nothing. That has got to be some sort of record.
I seem to fall into that same role in almost every group I ingratiate myself into. The Admirer. The Worshipper. The Groupie. Does a group need something like that? Is it even worthwhile to have someone sit around whose sole job is to drool on people she admires and tell them how amazing they are? I don't know.
I've been writing a lot lately. Yes, me, actually writing. Real words. Into stories. Shut up in the back, that's not funny.
In a way though, it is. I never put out anything, really, while I was part of the community. A few Subcafe pieces and some heavy involvement in the early RRs. That's it. I just find it curious that I'm finally becoming someone, when I've been gone away so long that I'm noone anymore in my first real community.
Cel
Who is, to this day, amazed at how long she can milk going under one little table....
Overslept, missed valuable study time.
Jason did call though, but I felt as though the conversation was a wee bit awkward. I kept wanting to say "I miss you" but _not_ wanting to be such a girl.
Grr. Manly woman.
I should be finally getting a new computer next month, which means regular net access and maybe (dare I hope) coming back to the world of fan fiction. I've been gone a good, long time and, although I feel bad for it, I also feel a little rediculous. I mean, my computer breaks, so I'm gone for a year? That's the most pathetic excuse ever.
I was actually thinking the other day about the first time I went into fictalk, and about the Blues Night RR (my first 'appearance'). I was thinking about all of my old friends who I don't even talk to anymore, about people I used to hate and now think are my friend, about people I _still_ hate, about people I used to idealize and set myself far away from and now I feel very friendly towards. And, I thought about myself.
I was fifteen when I entered the community. No one knew for quite some time (not until I was sixteen, anyway. Gee, and that was all grown up, then!) how old I was. It was nice, getting to know people of my own intellectual age without having worried about the other. I'll be twenty in a few months. Five years, almost. Five years and I've created nothing, done nothing and been good for practically nothing. That has got to be some sort of record.
I seem to fall into that same role in almost every group I ingratiate myself into. The Admirer. The Worshipper. The Groupie. Does a group need something like that? Is it even worthwhile to have someone sit around whose sole job is to drool on people she admires and tell them how amazing they are? I don't know.
I've been writing a lot lately. Yes, me, actually writing. Real words. Into stories. Shut up in the back, that's not funny.
In a way though, it is. I never put out anything, really, while I was part of the community. A few Subcafe pieces and some heavy involvement in the early RRs. That's it. I just find it curious that I'm finally becoming someone, when I've been gone away so long that I'm noone anymore in my first real community.
Cel
Who is, to this day, amazed at how long she can milk going under one little table....