The Understanding
I don't understand a lot of things in my life.
I think the main one is how and why I get myself in the stupidest of situations. Why I fall in love with empty shells. Why I let myself empty myself so that I feel like I AM an empty shell myself.
I keep finding myself admist those thoughts... those evil little thoughts that just creep up on you and slaps you in the face. And then I'm like: WHAT ARE YOU THINKING??
Maybe I should have admitted myself when I said I was going to the first time. I have practice tonight and I loathe the drive back from Pearland when I drop off Clint. It's so lonely and cold. I always end up thinking the stupidest shit then... like:
who would miss me if I died right this second? if I just let go of the wheel and put my foot to the floor? would he want me then? or would be play those games again? who will cry over my grave? will God punish me and keep me alive and have me suffer more depression and more hate towards myself?
That would be my luck.
I don't know what to do at this moment in time.
It feels like I have no where to turn, but I'm going in circles.
I think the main one is how and why I get myself in the stupidest of situations. Why I fall in love with empty shells. Why I let myself empty myself so that I feel like I AM an empty shell myself.
I keep finding myself admist those thoughts... those evil little thoughts that just creep up on you and slaps you in the face. And then I'm like: WHAT ARE YOU THINKING??
Maybe I should have admitted myself when I said I was going to the first time. I have practice tonight and I loathe the drive back from Pearland when I drop off Clint. It's so lonely and cold. I always end up thinking the stupidest shit then... like:
who would miss me if I died right this second? if I just let go of the wheel and put my foot to the floor? would he want me then? or would be play those games again? who will cry over my grave? will God punish me and keep me alive and have me suffer more depression and more hate towards myself?
That would be my luck.
I don't know what to do at this moment in time.
It feels like I have no where to turn, but I'm going in circles.