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So, I couldn't sleep last night and when I finally did fall asleep at about 1, I woke up about 30 minutes later and I started crying, I just had this overwhelming feeling of being lost. I don't know what to do with myself. I felt lost because I don't know what I'm going to do with myself or my life, what the flying fuck am I going to do with a
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D. Matt Worley...or however the fuck you spell his name...
A. D. Ward
Palmer once told me something that made me shut up..."Choirs are institutional"...meaning...to do something vocally is to work for an institution of some sort...church, school, Dietz music, laidlaw, etc.
D. Matt Worley...recently appeared in a budwiser commercial...graduated from Dana
A.D. Ward...isn't he doing something musical at Creighton?
If you want it to be theatre...you'll go as far as you let yourself go...if you want to star in community theatre, be a design manager at yonkers...Brandon seems happy enough...be an admissions counselor for your favorite Dana College....Beth seems happy enough.
It seems as though the way you are approaching this whole "decision" is as though you expect to fail. If you do community theatre, you are gonna have to work a normal job to pay the bills. If you do large-scale community theatre...see previous statement...if you go for off-broadway...you'll be living in hotel rooms from paycheck to paycheck...not my idea of happiness...if you go for broadway...well...thats damn near impossible and its never easy...so it all amounts to how hard you are willing to work. The solution I see is to not worry about it...if it is being on stage that you crave, then you have the ability to do that...somewhere...it just all depends on where you are living, how many hours per week your work at your non-Med center job. I get the impression that you are "theatre or bust." If you want my suggestion read on, if you don't then don't read on...find something other than theatre (or Angie) that you enjoy and that makes you happy. Try fishing. Try Bowling. Try Bartending. Try volunteering somewhere. Try Tennis. Try camping. Try Boating. Try roping a cow. Fucking try poker. Find something that you enjoy (outside of the realm of your dorm room, your girlfriend, and theatre) that you can enjoy anytime, anywhere, with anyone who enjoy's it. Bank on something that you can do for the rest of your life that you enjoy, its called a hobby. Move off campus and get a dog to eat that fucking cat of yours. You seem like you feel that you lack purpose (nomination for understatement of the year). If that's the case, then go out and find purpose. Find something that you want to do every day. P.S. sitting in your room thinking about stuff you might enjoy is not a way to find something you enjoy. get off your ass and go try shit. Perhaps this will lead to a job you enjoy...or can tolerate....an 8-5 job that leaves your evenings open for community theatre rehearsals.
Don't blame this on Dana. Not knowing what to do with a music degree from UNO, Concordia, UNK, Hastings, North Texas, Hawaii Pacific, or anywhere else not called Julliard, is going to get you the same place as not knowing what to do with a music degree from Dana is going to get you...and that place depends on you, not the college. Look at the positive side. Think of the connections in Omaha that you have made because of Dana. Brandon, Michelle, Connie Lee, Doc, Beth, Palmer (even though you hate to admit it), The lady from Omaha Central, Timmy, Tara, other's i cant think of cuz i'm dehydrated and stupid. These are people who are doing music or theatre in a community organization type thing. Find a day job that you can tolerate so you can pay the bills and live your days for the theatre things at night.
P.S. You're getting piss drunk tonight and after your hangover tomorrow, you'll feel better about all of this...i promise
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