HELD HOSTAGE
So, where do I begin?
My 10 year friendship with D.(male) is pretty much over. I always knew about his emotional instability and angry outbursts, but only in that they always we directed at girlfriends. Well, I guess I finally got some. After a business meeting gone bad in which he effectively killed a major opportunity, my manager and I called him out on it. He got upset and ended our business relationship as well as friendship. And, because that wasn't enough - has decided to hold the tracks of my demo that he was mixing HOSTAGE until we pay him for his time.
Hoo-fucking-ray.
This was just the drama in a nutshell. I've not mentioned the 2:30am phonecall in which he made the decision to end the relationship and told me that from now on I would only contact him through his attorney - a person he has yet to identify.
And then he defriended me on Facebook. I only mention this because of the absolute childishness of the matter. Oh, did I mention J. defriended me also? Yeah...2 defriendings in a 1 month period. JIlted and rejected with technology. How lovely. And sooo highschool.
On top of all of this - on the advice of friends (who are also lawyers), I called D. to appeal to him as a friend. His last email (that included his invoice) was pretty harsh. Full of anger and negativity. Also, at the meeting, it was the first time he had ever said anything negative to me or about me - something that angered my manager and myself. He was just very mean in an unecessary way.
I dreaded making this phone call. I wasn't sure why. I knew that the situation wasn't one that i wanted to be in. But also...as I sat on the couch staring at the phone for 23 minutes I started to feel what the rumblings of a panic attack. And as it got progressively worse, I realized why this call was so hard to me.
I forget sometimes that I was a victim of abuse. After seeing the potential of D.'s anger and knowing what it could escalate to, I was reminded of my ex-fiance's anger and the verbal abuse that I incurred because of it. My chest tightened as I remembered the many times he'd scream at me, an inch away from my face, calling me horrific things and reducing me to nothing. I never fought back. I'm not one to fan the flames. Unfortunately, my lack of reaction was a hit or miss - it would either make him stop or get even worse. I remember the worst part was that after he'd calm down, he'd never apologize and he'd always act as if nothing had happened. It was these reactions that made go on for so long without thinking there was anything wrong.
Anyway - my panic attack becoming full blown I realized how terrified I was at the possibility of being on the receiving end of another outrage. I prayed for voicemail as the tears welled in my eyes. And after I left the message I laid down on the couch and cried over the realization that after 7 years, the wounds of my abuse have yet to heal.
I don't deal with negativity well at all. The last 2 months have been wrought with it. FIrst with the mess that my break-up became and now this. I'm holding my head up high and totally seeing the positive in it...but it's still slowly absorbing. I know that everything will work out, but it still really sucks that it's happening.
Oh fucking well, right? Everything happens for a reason. Lessons will be learned. Here's hoping no more ugliness enters my life. i could really use a break.
My 10 year friendship with D.(male) is pretty much over. I always knew about his emotional instability and angry outbursts, but only in that they always we directed at girlfriends. Well, I guess I finally got some. After a business meeting gone bad in which he effectively killed a major opportunity, my manager and I called him out on it. He got upset and ended our business relationship as well as friendship. And, because that wasn't enough - has decided to hold the tracks of my demo that he was mixing HOSTAGE until we pay him for his time.
Hoo-fucking-ray.
This was just the drama in a nutshell. I've not mentioned the 2:30am phonecall in which he made the decision to end the relationship and told me that from now on I would only contact him through his attorney - a person he has yet to identify.
And then he defriended me on Facebook. I only mention this because of the absolute childishness of the matter. Oh, did I mention J. defriended me also? Yeah...2 defriendings in a 1 month period. JIlted and rejected with technology. How lovely. And sooo highschool.
On top of all of this - on the advice of friends (who are also lawyers), I called D. to appeal to him as a friend. His last email (that included his invoice) was pretty harsh. Full of anger and negativity. Also, at the meeting, it was the first time he had ever said anything negative to me or about me - something that angered my manager and myself. He was just very mean in an unecessary way.
I dreaded making this phone call. I wasn't sure why. I knew that the situation wasn't one that i wanted to be in. But also...as I sat on the couch staring at the phone for 23 minutes I started to feel what the rumblings of a panic attack. And as it got progressively worse, I realized why this call was so hard to me.
I forget sometimes that I was a victim of abuse. After seeing the potential of D.'s anger and knowing what it could escalate to, I was reminded of my ex-fiance's anger and the verbal abuse that I incurred because of it. My chest tightened as I remembered the many times he'd scream at me, an inch away from my face, calling me horrific things and reducing me to nothing. I never fought back. I'm not one to fan the flames. Unfortunately, my lack of reaction was a hit or miss - it would either make him stop or get even worse. I remember the worst part was that after he'd calm down, he'd never apologize and he'd always act as if nothing had happened. It was these reactions that made go on for so long without thinking there was anything wrong.
Anyway - my panic attack becoming full blown I realized how terrified I was at the possibility of being on the receiving end of another outrage. I prayed for voicemail as the tears welled in my eyes. And after I left the message I laid down on the couch and cried over the realization that after 7 years, the wounds of my abuse have yet to heal.
I don't deal with negativity well at all. The last 2 months have been wrought with it. FIrst with the mess that my break-up became and now this. I'm holding my head up high and totally seeing the positive in it...but it's still slowly absorbing. I know that everything will work out, but it still really sucks that it's happening.
Oh fucking well, right? Everything happens for a reason. Lessons will be learned. Here's hoping no more ugliness enters my life. i could really use a break.