(no subject)
Shit, this loving myself stuff is harder than I thought. Between watching what I eat and trying not to eat crap, dressing nicely, doing my hair, putting on a little makeup, trying to manage my sleep schedule/energy levels, and trying to exercise....something always gets either forgotten or left out because I'm too damn stressed/tired/unmotivated/late. How do people DO this everyday??? I keep wondering what I'm missing. I realize I'm probably mildly depressed, which doesn't help, but for pete's sake, it shouldn't be this hard.
If people ask me if I'm happy right now....I have too many things to keep track of to be that. I don't know how to relax AND keep all those balls in the air. For me, relaxing means nothing is important. I never learned how to relax and still get stuff done. Man, this sounds fucked up. Oh well, it's my journal, and if I can't be honest here, then WTF am I doing?
All I can do is keep trying, and hope something clicks in my brain. I keep thinking of the saying "fake it till you feel it". That's pretty much what I'm doing today.
EDIT: reading this over now, it sounds incredibly whiny. Most of it comes down to poor time management skills (ie. I never accurately estimate the time it takes me to do anything) and/or lack of energy/motivation. Why I expect to be instantly good at both is beyond me, but I'm not a patient person on the best of days. Apparently this morning a lot of my frustration came to a head. Yay. Time to talk myself into a hard workout tonight, get as much of this crap out of my head as I can. If I lived closer, I'd let smjayman work me out, but I can improvise here. Hmm...maybe impatience/anger can be my motivation at first. Anything to get my ass in gear.
If people ask me if I'm happy right now....I have too many things to keep track of to be that. I don't know how to relax AND keep all those balls in the air. For me, relaxing means nothing is important. I never learned how to relax and still get stuff done. Man, this sounds fucked up. Oh well, it's my journal, and if I can't be honest here, then WTF am I doing?
All I can do is keep trying, and hope something clicks in my brain. I keep thinking of the saying "fake it till you feel it". That's pretty much what I'm doing today.
EDIT: reading this over now, it sounds incredibly whiny. Most of it comes down to poor time management skills (ie. I never accurately estimate the time it takes me to do anything) and/or lack of energy/motivation. Why I expect to be instantly good at both is beyond me, but I'm not a patient person on the best of days. Apparently this morning a lot of my frustration came to a head. Yay. Time to talk myself into a hard workout tonight, get as much of this crap out of my head as I can. If I lived closer, I'd let smjayman work me out, but I can improvise here. Hmm...maybe impatience/anger can be my motivation at first. Anything to get my ass in gear.