[Fic] - Communication 1/1 - Torchwood
Title: Communication
Author: Ceindreadh
Characters/Pairing: Jack/Ianto (implied)
Word Count: 350
Rating: T/PG-13
Summary: It's always good to be clear about what you're communicating
Spoilers: none
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Torchwood characters, I'm only borrowing them, and I promise to return them in minty fresh condition when I'm finished.
Original aliens are my own invention.
"Let me see if I understand this correctly," said Ianto, his voice controlled and even. "You've *sold* me to the Eflownauw delegation?"
"Ianto, Ianto, Ianto, I would never sell you to anybody," said Jack. "Technically it's more like renting."
"Oh I beg your pardon, that makes *all* the difference."
"Hey, there's no need for that tone. This is really an honour. See these guys are harmless, they're information gatherers. They travel all round the universe and wherever there's intelligent life they like to drop in and say hi. All they want is to spend some time with one of the local population and have a chat, get some information for their library."
"Tea and biscuits with an alien. I don't believe that's in my job description."
"Oh yes it is, just between cleaning up Weevil spit and servicing the Captain's needs."
"At this moment in time I'm not sure which of those would be the most distasteful."
"Ianto, you wound me. Do you really think I would put you in this situation if I hadn't researched it thoroughly? I had Tosh run the translation programme on their message, twice."
"That would be the same programme that translated your greeting to the Nieckcalf delegation as 'your mother is a big fat hippo?"
"Okay, I'll admit there were a few flaws in the system..."
"Not to mention a few flaws in my suit when they'd finished spitting at us."
"But Tosh has assured me that she's checked through all the coding, added in a dozen new dictionary's and thesauruses, re-run the message twice, broken it down to its simplest form and it still comes out as they just want to talk."
"To me."
"Yes."
"Hmph, and did it ever occur to you that 'talk' is a simplified word for intercourse?"
"Really? No, no, I'm absolutely sure that the Eflownauw do *not* want to have sex with you."
"And how can you be so sure?"
"Because if they were looking for sex, they'd have asked for me...now Ianto, don't look at me like that...and be careful with that coffee, you'll spill it all over my...owwww!!!!"
------------------------------
Ceindreadh
Author: Ceindreadh
Characters/Pairing: Jack/Ianto (implied)
Word Count: 350
Rating: T/PG-13
Summary: It's always good to be clear about what you're communicating
Spoilers: none
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Torchwood characters, I'm only borrowing them, and I promise to return them in minty fresh condition when I'm finished.
Original aliens are my own invention.
"Let me see if I understand this correctly," said Ianto, his voice controlled and even. "You've *sold* me to the Eflownauw delegation?"
"Ianto, Ianto, Ianto, I would never sell you to anybody," said Jack. "Technically it's more like renting."
"Oh I beg your pardon, that makes *all* the difference."
"Hey, there's no need for that tone. This is really an honour. See these guys are harmless, they're information gatherers. They travel all round the universe and wherever there's intelligent life they like to drop in and say hi. All they want is to spend some time with one of the local population and have a chat, get some information for their library."
"Tea and biscuits with an alien. I don't believe that's in my job description."
"Oh yes it is, just between cleaning up Weevil spit and servicing the Captain's needs."
"At this moment in time I'm not sure which of those would be the most distasteful."
"Ianto, you wound me. Do you really think I would put you in this situation if I hadn't researched it thoroughly? I had Tosh run the translation programme on their message, twice."
"That would be the same programme that translated your greeting to the Nieckcalf delegation as 'your mother is a big fat hippo?"
"Okay, I'll admit there were a few flaws in the system..."
"Not to mention a few flaws in my suit when they'd finished spitting at us."
"But Tosh has assured me that she's checked through all the coding, added in a dozen new dictionary's and thesauruses, re-run the message twice, broken it down to its simplest form and it still comes out as they just want to talk."
"To me."
"Yes."
"Hmph, and did it ever occur to you that 'talk' is a simplified word for intercourse?"
"Really? No, no, I'm absolutely sure that the Eflownauw do *not* want to have sex with you."
"And how can you be so sure?"
"Because if they were looking for sex, they'd have asked for me...now Ianto, don't look at me like that...and be careful with that coffee, you'll spill it all over my...owwww!!!!"
------------------------------
Ceindreadh