i do not know what i should do... fade or run...
i have no clue what is going on in my life... fuck, right now, i have no idea what to write. i am so confused right now about everything... i really think i am going fucking mental, and i do not know why... i am in a very dark state, very emotional, depression being the strongest... i am so fucking depressed. mainly because i am lost as what i am supposed to do in life... i feel like the parenting is the root of my problem... not very good if you ask me... they basically abandoned me as a child, myself and my sisters, and if they were around, they were not very nice, and that basically fucked me up... fucked us up... did not teach us how to live in this world... sometimes i wish i were non-existent... because i am in alot of pain right now... i do not know what i should do... fade or run... there are of course many possibilities me and my friend thought of... one is i get help, and just move to a place i am not familiar with... i was thinking europe, great britain to be exact... mine was to join a monastary and just seclude myself from this strange world... i do not want to do anything i will regret either. . . . . (i am fucking shaking) i am fucking scared right now... i find myself slipping into insanity, and i really do not want that for myself... i really don't... but i feel as if that is where i am heading... i don't know...