It's over
Me and Chris are done, for real. We're the proper friends our parents always wanted us to be, and FUCK, i miss him so much that it makes me want to cry and yet i don't want to be near him at all, so i don't know what the hell is happening. It started Thursday when my grandma caught us snuggling, which we aren't supposed to do anymore. She yelled at us and at first i was so pissed, and then i felt no emotion, which is strange because normally i feel something. But this time there was nothing, i was so...devoid. I went from flirting with him to writing a note to him that i wanted no emotional contact with him ever again. I know that this will ruin us, though. I feel no need to hug him, to kiss him...i don't love him anymore, but i want to be near him. He's got this irresistible pull, because he's funny and so awesome. But all the physical attraction is gone. I don't like him anymore, and i don't know why. It's instaces like this where i know there's something wrong with me, because i had this massive mood change. That happens a lot now. On Monday I broke the film in my camera and my family basically told me that i was stupid and that i had no common sense and after they let me go to my room. i kept crying. There was this total loss of self worth and in that instance i told myself i would stop everything because i wasn't good at it. I can't draw very well and etc. I would devote myself to my schoolwork because that was the only thing i could get better at. In five minutes i had gone from this perfectly sane, self-confident teenager to a hopeless individual that had to cover their mouth because they kept realizing how worthless and stupid and pathetic they were and that would just make them gasp. Now i think that's just stupid but then i was competely serious. I don't know what's going on to male me change every two seconds but in this state im in now i realize that it's a mental disorder that has to be stopped before i make a mistake and lose something more important to me than Chris was.
on the upside, i learned how to do laundry and im slowly re-learning the html i love so much. It makes me feel so smart! See that, that right there was HTML and it is so kick-ass. w00t, .Hack is coming on soon...in around ten minutes. I still can't believe that they moved FMA on me. I LOVE my ed. I cherish my ed. And his BODY shouldn't be allowed on television, it's so sexy. Speaking of abs, i found out this seriously scrawny looking boy in my homeroom is hiding a six-pack under his wigger shirt. I mean, a really distinctive ones. I took a picture, but, i mean...wow. Somebody works out.
As much as i love writing, i have to go, but im gonna post a song soon. This one started out about Chris and then it took a turn of its own...Gestapo Out.
on the upside, i learned how to do laundry and im slowly re-learning the html i love so much. It makes me feel so smart! See that, that right there was HTML and it is so kick-ass. w00t, .Hack is coming on soon...in around ten minutes. I still can't believe that they moved FMA on me. I LOVE my ed. I cherish my ed. And his BODY shouldn't be allowed on television, it's so sexy. Speaking of abs, i found out this seriously scrawny looking boy in my homeroom is hiding a six-pack under his wigger shirt. I mean, a really distinctive ones. I took a picture, but, i mean...wow. Somebody works out.
As much as i love writing, i have to go, but im gonna post a song soon. This one started out about Chris and then it took a turn of its own...Gestapo Out.