apparently, today was stressful
though, for the most part, i thought it was allright. managed to get through my flats and plate in graphic arts. the developer was still being dumb and slow as fuck so i called tim over and we covertly experimented to try and make it work. found another bottle that was full out of his storage that said 10/04 just like the one under the sink. poured some stuff out of the spray bottle and tried that. it didn't seem to do much good which was annoying. so we tried that a while. all the while making sure cofo wasn't looking our way. then we found another bottle that wasn't marked and it was full and cofo was right near at this point but he had his back turned so tim was liek "whoops looks liek i jsut accidentally spilled it into the sink" but not so that he could hear. we poured the other stuff in and it finally worked. this doens't sound liek it took a long time but it took longer than it should have. i dont think we put enough water in it last so it was kinda strong but it was so refreshing. i'm gonna try to print both colors tomorrow if i can get the presses to cooperate. i think my design looks pretty damn good, myself. but then my graphic arts designs always make me happy that way.
in econ we did stocks and ms lee took a while to find the one that she has trouble finding that isn't in the newspaper. then she was liek hurry up y'all when i was finishign the calculatioins after she gave it to us. i was like well i can't do calculatioins until i know how much the stocks cost. but oh well. in chemistry we had a pretty easy lab....conclusions might be harder. then my mom had the car but she happened to be passing by so she called me and gave me a ride to marta and i made the 2:03/2:05 train. then pretty soon after i got on the train i started absolutely freaking out inside over college and how i really havne't done anythign at all yet and whether i'm gonna be giving anyone enough time to finish recommendations and such and do i even really want to bother with applying anywhere besides ga tech and do i really even want to think about leavign atlanta and do i have time to finish everything and aaaaaahhh. it probably doesn't sound like it but i was kind of panicking for some reason. but i dont think showing any outward evidence unless you know how to read my eyes. felt a bit lightheaded.
so then i got off finally and called eliot and he kinda calmed me down after a bit as i walked to class (was gonna go to einstein bros but then somehow i wasnt hungry at all). then i sat down in the hall and i wanted to study but i had no idea where to start so i was a little panicky about that but i thought i knew everythign i'd need to. so then we get in and get the test and he accidentally stapled it on the right side which was a bad omen. then we went through it and almost nothign seemed to work out right. it was hard to understand what the questions were asking and when i thought i did and did the work i was supposed to do i'd get an answer that was so obviously not the right answer to me. five 20 point problems. i do think i got the fifth. and everyone was having a really bad time. but yeah the classroom was a little cold but towards the end i was literally sitting there feeling really cold on the outside but warm inside and sweating. almost like i had a fever. but that would be really odd if i did so i doubt it. so i was like in a cold sweat or something. however after the test everyone was talking about how it was so horrible so the curve should help some so i was like ok i'm better now.
it was really cold outside though so brr. however, i was liek shivering uncontrollably on the walk from skiles to the student center (maybe the length of a city block) and no one else seemed that cold and it didn't seem like it was as cold as it felt. went to pandini's cuz einstein bros is closed and had cheesecake. which was pretty good. then i walked to marta. took a slightly more direct route..... get to marta, push my marta card through the thing, go through and then i hear "ma'am, that's the wrong marta card" and i stand there for a second, puzzled. then i realize it's fucking december 1st and i haven't gotten a december marta card yet. so i get out my wallet right there and see if i have any money. i get out two dollars and walk back through the turnstile and go over to the machines. by this time i am crying. god damn it things happen and then i cry at the least of them. straw that broke the camel's back. so yeah i'm thinking ugh i am so forgetful and who knows what. i didnt' want to use 1.75 when i dont have to. i could buy something with that 1.75. yeah it sounds liek nothign but every fucking penny counts. and it's a lot different giving marta 1.75 which they dont really deserve from me cuz it's them that give me a marta card for 30 than giving 50 cents once to a guy who asks if i can spare anything. if i remembered spare marta tokens they'd only cost 1.50 cuz my mom buys them in bulk. every token i have to buy just adds to the 30 bucks i'm already spending on the card. so yeah i get over there and i've got my purse hanging from one arm and my notebook held in the other hand. i'm trying to put the dollars into the machine with the one free hand, but they've been in my wallet so the corner of one is a bit bent. i try to unbend it but that side is also kind of rolled over so it cna't go in at all cuz it's not straight. i get out my third dollar and try that one. its edge is also rolled. so i'm standing there with tears streaking down my face so everything i'm seeing is blurry and there's this guy next to me on the pay phone and he may have been saying things but that's the ear my earphone is still in. so i realy dont have enough hands to straighten the bills that i can't even really see through the tears. the guy is making motions to straighten it out by running it over something but i only have one hand free so it's useless especially to my logic-free mind. finally he gets out a token and a quarter and offers to trade. i stare at it a second once it kinda swims into focus, not comprehending, and he's liek "two dollars" so i take the token and quarter and give him the two dollars and then head back through the turnstile and try to dry my tears on the way to the platform. crying in public is not fun. god i'm so fragile sometimes.
anyways, so i guess that helped. ugh i tell myself i need to let things out but really what am i supposed to do when i'm sitting on a marta train freaking out about college? cuz that's where it really started i guess. there's really no way to let it out then. and then i think i'm better, calm, but it's really just pushed to the back of my mind but i dont know it until somethign petty brings it out.
in econ we did stocks and ms lee took a while to find the one that she has trouble finding that isn't in the newspaper. then she was liek hurry up y'all when i was finishign the calculatioins after she gave it to us. i was like well i can't do calculatioins until i know how much the stocks cost. but oh well. in chemistry we had a pretty easy lab....conclusions might be harder. then my mom had the car but she happened to be passing by so she called me and gave me a ride to marta and i made the 2:03/2:05 train. then pretty soon after i got on the train i started absolutely freaking out inside over college and how i really havne't done anythign at all yet and whether i'm gonna be giving anyone enough time to finish recommendations and such and do i even really want to bother with applying anywhere besides ga tech and do i really even want to think about leavign atlanta and do i have time to finish everything and aaaaaahhh. it probably doesn't sound like it but i was kind of panicking for some reason. but i dont think showing any outward evidence unless you know how to read my eyes. felt a bit lightheaded.
so then i got off finally and called eliot and he kinda calmed me down after a bit as i walked to class (was gonna go to einstein bros but then somehow i wasnt hungry at all). then i sat down in the hall and i wanted to study but i had no idea where to start so i was a little panicky about that but i thought i knew everythign i'd need to. so then we get in and get the test and he accidentally stapled it on the right side which was a bad omen. then we went through it and almost nothign seemed to work out right. it was hard to understand what the questions were asking and when i thought i did and did the work i was supposed to do i'd get an answer that was so obviously not the right answer to me. five 20 point problems. i do think i got the fifth. and everyone was having a really bad time. but yeah the classroom was a little cold but towards the end i was literally sitting there feeling really cold on the outside but warm inside and sweating. almost like i had a fever. but that would be really odd if i did so i doubt it. so i was like in a cold sweat or something. however after the test everyone was talking about how it was so horrible so the curve should help some so i was like ok i'm better now.
it was really cold outside though so brr. however, i was liek shivering uncontrollably on the walk from skiles to the student center (maybe the length of a city block) and no one else seemed that cold and it didn't seem like it was as cold as it felt. went to pandini's cuz einstein bros is closed and had cheesecake. which was pretty good. then i walked to marta. took a slightly more direct route..... get to marta, push my marta card through the thing, go through and then i hear "ma'am, that's the wrong marta card" and i stand there for a second, puzzled. then i realize it's fucking december 1st and i haven't gotten a december marta card yet. so i get out my wallet right there and see if i have any money. i get out two dollars and walk back through the turnstile and go over to the machines. by this time i am crying. god damn it things happen and then i cry at the least of them. straw that broke the camel's back. so yeah i'm thinking ugh i am so forgetful and who knows what. i didnt' want to use 1.75 when i dont have to. i could buy something with that 1.75. yeah it sounds liek nothign but every fucking penny counts. and it's a lot different giving marta 1.75 which they dont really deserve from me cuz it's them that give me a marta card for 30 than giving 50 cents once to a guy who asks if i can spare anything. if i remembered spare marta tokens they'd only cost 1.50 cuz my mom buys them in bulk. every token i have to buy just adds to the 30 bucks i'm already spending on the card. so yeah i get over there and i've got my purse hanging from one arm and my notebook held in the other hand. i'm trying to put the dollars into the machine with the one free hand, but they've been in my wallet so the corner of one is a bit bent. i try to unbend it but that side is also kind of rolled over so it cna't go in at all cuz it's not straight. i get out my third dollar and try that one. its edge is also rolled. so i'm standing there with tears streaking down my face so everything i'm seeing is blurry and there's this guy next to me on the pay phone and he may have been saying things but that's the ear my earphone is still in. so i realy dont have enough hands to straighten the bills that i can't even really see through the tears. the guy is making motions to straighten it out by running it over something but i only have one hand free so it's useless especially to my logic-free mind. finally he gets out a token and a quarter and offers to trade. i stare at it a second once it kinda swims into focus, not comprehending, and he's liek "two dollars" so i take the token and quarter and give him the two dollars and then head back through the turnstile and try to dry my tears on the way to the platform. crying in public is not fun. god i'm so fragile sometimes.
anyways, so i guess that helped. ugh i tell myself i need to let things out but really what am i supposed to do when i'm sitting on a marta train freaking out about college? cuz that's where it really started i guess. there's really no way to let it out then. and then i think i'm better, calm, but it's really just pushed to the back of my mind but i dont know it until somethign petty brings it out.