Finding my way
Things have been rather confusing and muddled recently.
I haven't updated in a while, but my current situation is that I am living by myself in Marin and have "dropped out" of grad school. To me this means that i have decided to take a break of an indeterminate time period from finishing my thesis, and my classes have been done for a year, so that I can work and figure out waht I want out of life. I realized that my depression was spiraling out of control, and since my mother was adament about me not seeking outside help and dealing with my issues by myself, I have been trying to make changes in my life to change my attitude, outlook, and confidence.
The Mansion had really taken a lot out of me, including everything I think made me special and unique. So in an attempt to regain and rediscover these things, I've been bellydancing all summer and hope to enroll in Capoiera classes next week. I've also been spending as much time as I can outside, hiking and just getting out of the house.
Heres the trouble. My family absolutely does NOT approve and for the most part has basically stopped talking to me, or if they do, it is to taunt me by calling me an "overweight depressed alcholic failure." I'm really upset that my family is taking this position, however recent events have made me reevaluate how much seriousness I apply to these statements.
One of my dear friends has recently lost one of his dear friends, once again inspiring the memory of those I have lost and reminding me how fragile life is, and youth is not equivelent to immortality. I got a new job at Gymboree, as a preschool teacher of sorts, specializing as the music teacher and global cultures/music/dance teacher. I was once again torn a new one because this isn't on a career path. But you know what? I realize that this (so far) is making me really happy. I am finally in a place where I am feeling comfortable with where I am going and how I want to live my life and be happy, and recent events have inspired me to understand that life is short, and I have to do what will make it most enriching and fulfilling for myself.
So take that mom and dad. I choose happiness, and that does not make me a failure.
I haven't updated in a while, but my current situation is that I am living by myself in Marin and have "dropped out" of grad school. To me this means that i have decided to take a break of an indeterminate time period from finishing my thesis, and my classes have been done for a year, so that I can work and figure out waht I want out of life. I realized that my depression was spiraling out of control, and since my mother was adament about me not seeking outside help and dealing with my issues by myself, I have been trying to make changes in my life to change my attitude, outlook, and confidence.
The Mansion had really taken a lot out of me, including everything I think made me special and unique. So in an attempt to regain and rediscover these things, I've been bellydancing all summer and hope to enroll in Capoiera classes next week. I've also been spending as much time as I can outside, hiking and just getting out of the house.
Heres the trouble. My family absolutely does NOT approve and for the most part has basically stopped talking to me, or if they do, it is to taunt me by calling me an "overweight depressed alcholic failure." I'm really upset that my family is taking this position, however recent events have made me reevaluate how much seriousness I apply to these statements.
One of my dear friends has recently lost one of his dear friends, once again inspiring the memory of those I have lost and reminding me how fragile life is, and youth is not equivelent to immortality. I got a new job at Gymboree, as a preschool teacher of sorts, specializing as the music teacher and global cultures/music/dance teacher. I was once again torn a new one because this isn't on a career path. But you know what? I realize that this (so far) is making me really happy. I am finally in a place where I am feeling comfortable with where I am going and how I want to live my life and be happy, and recent events have inspired me to understand that life is short, and I have to do what will make it most enriching and fulfilling for myself.
So take that mom and dad. I choose happiness, and that does not make me a failure.