StormBombing.
The rain is pounding down outside my room. I can see the fat drops splashing on the concrete of my balcony floor, and splashing up against the screens. The whole scene is so peaceful; it makes me want to lie down and sleep for hours.
Today was long. Monday was long. Yesterday was longer. Hopefully I will get to sleep tonight. Looking in mirrors is impossible, for fear that my wasted tired image will lash out at me. How unfortunate for my eyes that they must sink so far into my face.
Talking is not something I feel like doing anymore. Every time I have opened my mouth in the last 4 days I have felt myself complaining, bitching, whining, being self centered. Being an only child. Being that shitty person I like to hide away. Being weird. Of course this means only one thing, I'm too freaking busy. I need my alone time. Lots of alone time. I need to be able to sit in my room with my music on (maybe playing the same cd over and over ... so what?) and just work on things, draw things, stare at things. My brain is exhausted and midterms are coming. I can be ready, I can manage this without falling apart ... but first I have to admit that to myself. I'm taking a page from too many other people's lives.
Sighing and moaning might be the easy way out, but it's not for me. I can't sit there and take what comes to me without making the best of it and fighting hard to make sure I can prevail.
Do me a favor. Let me be me for a bit. Let me do my running and my alone business. Speaking of which, I was working up the nerve to go out in this rain ... I'm going to go get wet and think.
Today was long. Monday was long. Yesterday was longer. Hopefully I will get to sleep tonight. Looking in mirrors is impossible, for fear that my wasted tired image will lash out at me. How unfortunate for my eyes that they must sink so far into my face.
Talking is not something I feel like doing anymore. Every time I have opened my mouth in the last 4 days I have felt myself complaining, bitching, whining, being self centered. Being an only child. Being that shitty person I like to hide away. Being weird. Of course this means only one thing, I'm too freaking busy. I need my alone time. Lots of alone time. I need to be able to sit in my room with my music on (maybe playing the same cd over and over ... so what?) and just work on things, draw things, stare at things. My brain is exhausted and midterms are coming. I can be ready, I can manage this without falling apart ... but first I have to admit that to myself. I'm taking a page from too many other people's lives.
Sighing and moaning might be the easy way out, but it's not for me. I can't sit there and take what comes to me without making the best of it and fighting hard to make sure I can prevail.
Do me a favor. Let me be me for a bit. Let me do my running and my alone business. Speaking of which, I was working up the nerve to go out in this rain ... I'm going to go get wet and think.