I didn't care for the beginning of this at all - almost didn't read it, in fact, because of that. You front-loaded a lot of facts about the world that would have been more enjoyable if they'd been spread into the scene.
That being said, I'm glad I pushed through and read the rest, because this story is really good!!!!! Your characterization in general was fabulous. I loved the dramatic irony with Kyouya. Most of all, I just adore the way you managed to work in all of the characters without it feeling at all forced. Everyone showed up, everyone played a role, but all of them felt like they should be there when they arrived, which doesn't always happen properly in AUs.
I do still want a bit of an explanation as to how Tsuna became the Tenth - the details were a little spotty, so I as a reader just sort of went with it, but fleshing that out somewhere wouldn't have been a bad idea. I also think that the ending would be more powerful if you took off the very last line and left the second to last line as the end of the story.
But on the whole, this was fabulous! Three cheers~!!!
That being said, I'm glad I pushed through and read the rest, because this story is really good!!!!! Your characterization in general was fabulous. I loved the dramatic irony with Kyouya. Most of all, I just adore the way you managed to work in all of the characters without it feeling at all forced. Everyone showed up, everyone played a role, but all of them felt like they should be there when they arrived, which doesn't always happen properly in AUs.
I do still want a bit of an explanation as to how Tsuna became the Tenth - the details were a little spotty, so I as a reader just sort of went with it, but fleshing that out somewhere wouldn't have been a bad idea. I also think that the ending would be more powerful if you took off the very last line and left the second to last line as the end of the story.
But on the whole, this was fabulous! Three cheers~!!!
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