A Negatively Vicarious Past Stifles the Future
From The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have.
My mom said she learned how to swim.
Someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. That's how she leaned how to swim. I said, "Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim."
--Paula Poundstone
Reframing what happens to us can be a healthy way to survive terrible things, or it can become a veil of denial that keeps us from moving on.
I was thinking about this in light of my dad today… and in relation to some things he's said, and done, (or not done as the case may be). Today he went for a AAA scan. Something to make sure he has not got an Aortic Aneurism or anything like that… anyway, basically to make sure he's as healthy as he can be. Talking to him today - about why he was having the scan, which is essentially a research/experimental kind of thing - he said that he thought he should because in the family history, there's a danger of that kind of thing. One of his brothers died from a heart attack, and the other of a cerebral haemorrhage, framed that way it makes sense for him to check that he's healthy. Having gotten the all clear, is it going to get him to 'reframe' what he does from here out…? He did not fly to come to our wedding because he was afraid he was too unfit to do so. He rarely goes away from home even on holiday unless Mum drags him kicking and screaming all the way. He uses these concerns (understandably real fears), to avoid doing things, and yet, last week, when we were talking about his motorbike, and him taking his bike test, it was so that he could 'go touring' and visit the museums and places.
I hope he does these things, I really do… he deserves to enjoy his retirement, not chain himself to the house because he's too afraid to go out and live. We'll see what time will bring…
My mom said she learned how to swim.
Someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. That's how she leaned how to swim. I said, "Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim."
--Paula Poundstone
Reframing what happens to us can be a healthy way to survive terrible things, or it can become a veil of denial that keeps us from moving on.
I was thinking about this in light of my dad today… and in relation to some things he's said, and done, (or not done as the case may be). Today he went for a AAA scan. Something to make sure he has not got an Aortic Aneurism or anything like that… anyway, basically to make sure he's as healthy as he can be. Talking to him today - about why he was having the scan, which is essentially a research/experimental kind of thing - he said that he thought he should because in the family history, there's a danger of that kind of thing. One of his brothers died from a heart attack, and the other of a cerebral haemorrhage, framed that way it makes sense for him to check that he's healthy. Having gotten the all clear, is it going to get him to 'reframe' what he does from here out…? He did not fly to come to our wedding because he was afraid he was too unfit to do so. He rarely goes away from home even on holiday unless Mum drags him kicking and screaming all the way. He uses these concerns (understandably real fears), to avoid doing things, and yet, last week, when we were talking about his motorbike, and him taking his bike test, it was so that he could 'go touring' and visit the museums and places.
I hope he does these things, I really do… he deserves to enjoy his retirement, not chain himself to the house because he's too afraid to go out and live. We'll see what time will bring…