I don’t understand arguments. I don’t understand what happens or why. I feel like other people must understand them better. Am I wrong?
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Arguments, at their core, are nearly always about dissonance or an experience of being unsafe. When a person is challenged about their world view, even at a petty level, it toggles their much larger wound of not fitting or being accepted. This loss of alignment makes them experience a fear of not aligning with 'where' they feel safe so they try to correct the dissonance in order to return to a feeling of safety.
Huh, that's a really good way of thinking about it. So many of the problems between me and Ziggy boil down to one or both of us being insecure about things and it's finding those mines in the fields that has been important to keeping up the relationship. it didn't occur to me that would be true for, well, everyone else in my life, too. Remo included.
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