america has become a big donut, with nothing in the center.
im upset, frustrated, and ready to haul ass to canada like everyone else who is sane, but i'm also just confused. all of my relatives, grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, etc. are back in china, and are not as well off as i am here in america. they view america as a place of opportunity and it has been nothing but that. if my dad had not received his primary education here in america, then i wouldn't have a sister, and i wouldn't be going to college at all now. i would be just another regular, mediocre person trying to blend into a the chinese society. therefore, i have so much to thank america for, my individuality, my identity, and most of all, my education. so it's hard for me to turn my back on a country that has given me the opportunities that my cousins my age back in china do not have. it depresses me to think about how much america disgusts me and then to think about how i definitely would rather be in america than china, just complicates the whole matter. i don't really know what im trying to say exactly. just the fact that despite how fucked up everything is with big white men and their corporate schemes passing off as morality and conservatism, i am not ready to just pick up everything and turn away from this country without at least trying to make some sort of dent, mere scratch even, to make things better. i like the idea of curating and art criticism, but i also like the idea of working for a non-profit art organization. somehow i want to combine the both?
fuck it, i really don't know what i'm doing with my life and i will soon no longer have the nice security bubble that is college and that is just scary.
everytime i think of bush wining because he essentially united everyone who didn't know better on the pretense of fear, i get the image of jim cunningham in donnie darko going, "fear, love...." and then i think of the sparkle motion lady drawing the fear/love timeline on the chalkboard. and then somehow these two characters in donnie darko translate into my image of how middle america is. + hey, i lived in iowa for 4 years ok?
fuck it, i really don't know what i'm doing with my life and i will soon no longer have the nice security bubble that is college and that is just scary.
everytime i think of bush wining because he essentially united everyone who didn't know better on the pretense of fear, i get the image of jim cunningham in donnie darko going, "fear, love...." and then i think of the sparkle motion lady drawing the fear/love timeline on the chalkboard. and then somehow these two characters in donnie darko translate into my image of how middle america is. + hey, i lived in iowa for 4 years ok?